You'll Get It And Be Gone
by Peyt fan 4ever
Summary: 8 years. An accidental run in. A love so deep and pure neither could ever shake it. Lies and secrets. Love and loss. They had never imagined the mess they would tangle themselves up in. Somewhere along the line they became a bunch of chances missed and opportunities never taken... They both still love each other, never stopped, now they just have to tell the truth. Dawsey. AU.
1. Holding On And Letting Go

**A/N: I know, I know, another new story. But this one has multiple chapters already finished so updates should be frequent and I will still have plenty of time to update my other two stories.**

**So this story is completely AU. It's a little bit of two stories in one, to be honest. I've been working on it for nearly 5 months and have been too nervous to post it but recently got some encouragement from a friend, and well here I am. It's different than anything I have written so far, so I hope you all still enjoy it. **

**An update to my other story 'After The Smoke Clears' will be up tomorrow, and 'Headlong Towards Disaster' has already been updated for those that follow my stories. **

**Really nervous about this one, so please leave a review and let me know if I should continue. **

**Dedicating this first chapter to my best friend, Atalia, for giving me the courage to post this one. Hope you all like it!**

_Bold and italics are song lyrics. Regular text is current time. Italics are flashbacks. WARNING some M rated moments. _

Chapter 1: Holding On And Letting Go

By: Ross Copperman

_**Is anybody out there? **_

_**Is anybody listening?**_

_**Does anybody really know? **_

_**If it's the end of our beginning**_

He had never felt better than he did right now.

The most beautiful girl he'd ever met laid beneath him whispering his name and gripping his back tightly. She always made him feel better than anyone ever had, physically and emotionally. Her legs hitched higher around his waist pulling him deeper inside her and they crashed their lips together again, swallowing the others moan at the contact.

He trailed kisses down her jaw to her chin and down to her chest and when he grabbed her leg and pulled it up spreading her legs just that little bit further and sinking into her just a little deeper she panted his name out load and her nails racked across his back and she dug her nails in a little deeper when he 'shushed' her. They had to be quite, though. They both knew it was wrong. They shouldn't be having sex at their work place.

They shouldn't be having sex at all.

But they couldn't help themselves. They questioned it often. Why they were together, how they could keep doing this, and how long they could keep this up. Someone was bound to find out, and the turmoil that could happen after would rock both of their worlds to their very cores. Could hurt so many people.

But they were in too deep. Had been since the day they met.

She was positive she loved him, but she knew it was an unspoken rule that she couldn't say it out loud – her own rule more than his. Saying those words would make this more real, and it was bad enough as it was. Without those three words mixing in she could still pretend that this was just sex. Nothing more than sex. _Boy was that a lie…_

She knew he felt it. He may not have said it often, or ever at all if she had anything to do about it, but he showed it. In the times that she had caught him staring. The way he held her so tenderly. The soft kisses and the knowing looks. He felt it.

He just couldn't say it. She wished he could though. She wished she could say it too, but it was all so wrong.

All of this was wrong and they both knew it.

They just couldn't stop it, and they were both left wondering how different their lives would be if he had just met her first, if they had chosen different paths over the years.

His lips brushed against her tenderly and his hand ran down her side and fell to her sweet spot, the friction too much for both of them and they both fell to pieces, swallowing the others moans and collapsing together on the small bed, panting heavily.

Casey rolls onto his side and pulls the small Latina into his arms and kisses her forehead, and she wondered how she ever went without him. "That was… Wow." He mutters softly, his lips still brushing her forehead and his hand running soothingly up and down her back.

She giggles and whispers a soft, "Yeah," as reply as she kisses his chest and runs her fingers in a pattern along his bicep.

He looks down at her as she closes her eyes and relishes in the feel of his arms around her and he wonders how much time he has until she will get up and race to find her work clothes before kissing him and leaving him there wanting more. Because that is how it always is. He's always left wanting more of her. One more kiss, one more hug, one more cuddle in bed. He always wants more and he knows how utterly wrong that is. She's not his and he is not hers. But he knows that is a joke. They've always belonged to the other. They were done for from the first kiss, from the first meeting. He wishes he could say he regrets it all. That he regrets being with her, but he doesn't, not one bit, not at all. She's giving him the best nights of his life, and the majority of them have nothing to do with sex (although that is a major plus), and everything to do with just being with her. Talking and laughing and getting to know the other even more than they already do.

He loves her. God does he love her, and the thought makes him feel so amazing and so wrong all in one, because he can't love her, he shouldn't. It's not fair to her.

And it's _really_ not fair to his wife.

He has known Gabriella Dawson for over 8 years now. He remembers their first meeting very vividly.

_**A cry **_

_**A rush**_

_**From one breathe**_

_**Is all we're waiting for**_

_**Sometimes the one we're taking**_

_**Changes every one before**_

_He walked down the hall of the Advanced Science and Technology building not paying any attention to where he was going. Too busy looking at the paper in his hand that held his new class schedule and his cell phone in the other that had a text message from Hallie. He was studying the paper when he walked over to the small coffee stop by the student lounge in desperate need of a coffee and a little sit down before his next class in an hour._

_That's when he ran straight into her. Knocking her flat on her ass and her spilling her coffee all over him. _

"_Dammit." She cursed as she started picking up her papers and books that had been in her hands along with her purse, that's contents were now strewn across the floor. Not even bothering to looks up, she had a class in 30 minutes and had to get halfway across campus still. _

_Casey bent down and started to help her. "I'm so sorry… God, are you okay?" He questioned, she did fall pretty hard after all._

_She finally looked up, shock on her face as she got lost in his blue eyes, surprised at how attractive he was. "Uh, ye, yeah I um, I'm good. Thanks." She stuttered, looking back down to finish picking up her papers. Groaning in distress as one of her papers was covered in her coffee, letting out a soft curse. _

"_Please tell me that wasn't an important paper." He winced. _

"_We're in college, ever paper is an important paper." She grumbled, and he smirked at her sassiness, even though he really did feel bad. _

_She sighed. "Sorry… I, I'm sorry. It's not all your fault, I should have paid attention to where I was going."_

_He laughed. "Yeah well you're not the one that knocked me on my ass." She smirked than and he stood up after handing her the rest of her papers and stuck his hand out to help her up which she took gratefully. _

_She straightened herself out and then took in his appearance, he was covered in her coffee. He looked down as well and started to laugh, and she joined in. _

"_Let me buy you another coffee…" He trailed off, hoping she would insert her name. _

"_Gabriella… Gabby Dawson." She said with a soft smile, sticking her hand out for him to shake. _

"_Well Gabby I'm Matt, Casey. Now let me get you a coffee to make up for the bruise you'll have tomorrow." He joked and was momentarily transfixed by the soft laugh that fell from her lips and filled his ears. _

_He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. She had dark long curly hair that fell down her back and she was wearing a simple purple V-neck and a pair of ripped skinny jeans tucked into some boots that he found very nice on her. Her soft caramel skin looked soft and he really just wanted to reach out and… He shook his head. He couldn't be thinking like this, he had Hallie. But her dark brown eyes and soft smile were pulling him in and she wasn't even trying. He wondered how he could be feeling so drawn to this girl who he had barely uttered a few words too, but he was, and he had no idea why. _

"_I actual should get going… I have to get across campus to class." _

_He nodded, and tried to hide his disappointment. Disappointment that he shouldn't be feeling he reminded himself. _

_She began to walk by him, but stopped and turned. He was very attractive and there was just something about him that she was immediately drawn too, she wanted to see him again. "Rain check on that coffee?" She questioned with a grin and he turned to her then. He knew he should say he couldn't. He had a girlfriend. He was in a happy healthy relationship. He needed to say no. _

_But he didn't say no. And they made plans to see each other the next day at that same place to get coffee, and Matt was left wondering how he was going to tell Hallie about it, she would surely understand he was only being polite. Right?_

_**It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't**_

_**It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed**_

_**Some prayers find an answer**_

_**Some prayers never know**_

_**We're holding on and letting go**_

He should have known that he was being more than just polite when he never told Hallie about the run in later that night when he walked into their apartment. And he really should have known when he and Gabby made plans to go out for lunch after hitting it off at that coffee meeting the next day.

He had never been that guy. He was actually the farthest thing from, and he had no idea what it was about Gabby that made him that guy, but he couldn't get enough of her. He was drawn to her, and when he told Gabby as much at their second date at a little café where they had lunch she smiled brightly at him and a deep blush filled her cheeks as she gave him a sarcastic reply, that had him falling a little harder for her.

There was something about her that he had never found in anyone else. He and Hallie had been together for 4 years. They dated the last two years of high school and had gone off to college together, getting a small apartment right off campus. They knew each other's families well, and had become a fixture in the others family life. Well Matt had in Hallie's family, and Hallie had gotten to know his sister well. Matt's dad was dead, and his mother in jail, and Hallie was there for him when those unfortunate events had occurred.

Hallie had been in his life for so long, in his heart.

But Gabby was there too. She was such a big part of his life, the biggest part if he was being honest with himself, which he wasn't often. Honest with himself that is. No one knew their situation. No one knew how long it had been going on or any details. To anyone else they were just friends. Good friends. Great friends.

And as far as anyone else knew they had only known each other for a year… not eight years.

As far as everyone in house 51, Hallie, and their families knew they had only met a year ago at Gabby's first day at 51. No one knew their complicated and less than moral past. And no one knew about their current situation either.

Their past was long, and tragic, and full of lies and secrets that neither was proud of, but couldn't regret. Never had either regretted it, as much as they knew they should.

They knew more about each other than anyone else, which Casey thought was crazy seeing as he had been in a relationship with Hallie longer than he had even known Dawson, but still had never connected with Hallie on such a deep level that he and Gabby had.

Casey looked at the time on the watch on his wrist and saw that it was 10p.m.; everyone would be making their way into the sleeping quarters, and he was sure Shay would come looking for Gabby soon when she realized her friend was not sleeping in the cot next to her, but he didn't want to wake her up. She had fallen asleep curled into his side and they rarely ever got nights like this together, where they got to sleep in the other's arms. He knew it wasn't appropriate for their first time in a few weeks of staying together to be at work, but he wasn't ready to wake her up and watch her walk away from him yet. So he looked to the locked door and to the blinds on all windows that had been drawn down and he pulled the sheets up around them and pulled her closer into his embrace on the small bed. Cradling her in his arms kissing her forehead, and he fell asleep wondering what it would be like to fall asleep with her like this every night.

_**Sometimes we're holding angels**_

_**And we never even know**_

_**Don't know if we'll make it**_

_**But we know**_

_**We just can't let it show**_

_Matt and Gabby were on their fifth 'date' when they crossed the line from friends who flirted, to something more. _

_Matt still hadn't told Gabby about Hallie. He knew he needed too, but he also knew that if he did he would most likely also be saying goodbye to Gabby too. She would be mad. She would probably hate him, and probably tell Hallie what he had done, and he wouldn't have blamed her. Not at all. They'd only known each other for two months and he was feeling things for her that he never felt for Hallie in the 4 years of being together, and that scared him. It excited him too, because he knew that Gabby was feeling the same way. _

_He was falling for her. Hard. _

_They were sitting at her small apartment that she shared with her friend who was out of town, watching a movie on the couch and laughing with a bottle of wine when he kissed her. _

_It was their first kiss and it was everything he ever imagined it would be and more. It was two months of waiting, and many laughs, and long talks later from that first coffee spilling meeting, and it was magical. _

_But it didn't stop with a kiss… Not at all. _

_He told himself before he came over that night that he was going to tell her about Hallie… but he never did. _

_He kissed her, and she kissed him back and it was loving and gentle, and urgent and wanting all in one perfect touch of lip to lip. And in that moment he knew he was done for, he was falling in love with her and there was no going back._

_Little did he know she was falling just as hard for him right back. _

_He picked her up and her short smooth legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her to her bedroom. Laying her down gently on the bed. They took their time getting to know each other. Learning the others body. The words weren't said that night. Those three perfect words wouldn't be said till many months later, but they both felt it. _

_They made love for the first time that night, and it was definitely not the last of the night, or of the years to come. Neither of them knew it but that was the night that they both tangled themselves in deeper than they ever imagined possible. Gabby woke up in his arms the next morning and she swore she had never felt better in her entire life. She was falling hard for him. Matt Casey was the perfect man. They never put a label on it, but he was her man. What she didn't realize was that he was someone else's man as well… but she would. _

_Only two short months later…_

_**It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't**_

_**It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed**_

_**Some prayers find an answer**_

_**Some prayers never know**_

_**We're holding on and letting go**_

_**Yeah, letting go**_

"_Get out!" _

_Casey flinched at her loud scream. _

"_Gabby please...-"_

"_I said get out! I can't believe you! I trusted you! You… I hate you…" The tears were falling freely down her cheeks, and at her last three words his spilled over. They were across the room from each other. Her screaming at him so loudly he was sure her voice would be hoarse in the morning. _

"_You don't mean that…" He pleaded softly. _

_She shook her head, her eyes cold, but the tears kept coming. "I do…"_

"_No. You don't." He told her, and she knew he was right, but she wished he wasn't. _

_And then she asked the question that she wished she never had. "How long have you two been together?" _

_He looked away ashamed. "…4 years."_

_Her mouth dropped and she quickly slammed it back closed as she bit her lip and her jaw clenched. This wasn't just some stupid little relationship. He'd been with her for 4 damn years. They'd been together for 4 months! How could she compete with that? She couldn't. _

_What she didn't know was that she didn't have to. She would win. _

_She was everything Casey wanted and he wasn't sure how he hadn't told her about Hallie. He had wanted to from the moment he met her. He almost had so many times, but then she would say or do something that had him never wanting to let her go, and he knew telling her would be ending whatever they had. He couldn't bring himself to do it, but after the fourth time in the past two months of him almost letting that 'L' word slip he knew he couldn't keep it from her anymore. He had to tell her…_

_The hurt that flashed across her face and the still hurt look that had fallen into her features were breaking his heart and he wished he could take that hurt away.  
_

"_4 years Casey!?" She hollers. "So what was I huh? How many girls have you done this with? Am I just another girl on your long list of conquests? Just some easy lay!?" She screams and although her words are angry and her eyes are cold he can see the hurt in her eyes and hear it in her voice and he watches as she clenches her jaw tighter to stop the tears, but her trembling lips are a dead giveaway for the hurt she is really feeling. _

"_Don't say that…" He says forcefully. "There is no one else other than you. You think I went after you? That you're a conquest?! God Gabby. I hope you would have a little more faith in me than that…"_

"_I did have faith in you… look where that got me…" Her words are meant to be hurtful, he knows that, he just doesn't expect them to sting as much as they do. _

"_I didn't mean for all this to happen okay?! God. You know how hard it is to not fall for you!? Because I tried! I really tried. I thought I could just get you out of my system, that we could just be friends. That it was just an attraction and that I would realize that was all it was and I could just get over it… but I couldn't. I tried so hard… this isn't me Gabby. I'm not a… cheater. I don't cheat, and then I met you and I just… I fell for you, and it didn't matter what I tried to do to stop it, or how much I tried to tell you I was in a relationship, I couldn't…" His words trail off and Gabby has harsh tears falling down her cheeks and her arms wrapped around herself staring at him in disbelief._

_She watches him shake his head as he walks over and sits down at the end of her bed and rubs at his eyes before running his hands through his hair, something that she noticed long ago that he does when he is frustrated or nervous. "I couldn't tell you about Hallie because I knew if I did I would be ending this, and I just, I couldn't end this… I started falling for you so quickly and then it was like I couldn't stop. I wanted to spend all my time around you. You just pulled me in and I didn't want to let go." She had come to sit by him then. Her arms still wrapped around herself, protecting herself from his words, maybe from him as well. _

_When he says that he never meant to hurt her she scuffs and rolls her eyes, and he smirks because she is so damn sassy and he is positive that she is perfect, but he knows better than to say that right now. "I know that it is stupid and cliché and probably the worst thing I could say, but I didn't. I never wanted to hurt you in all of this. Or Hallie. I'm an ass and I truly am sorry Gabs… I don't expect you to believe me or forgive me… I just I'm falling for you and I couldn't keep it from you any longer. You don't deserve this…"_

_They sit in silence for a while before Gabby speaks. "Are you going to tell her?" She questions. _

_He looks at her confused for a moment before he understands. "I…" He trails off. In all honesty he wasn't sure. He knew he needed too. He had too. He had just been so focused on telling Gabby that he never thought about telling Hallie until she just pointed it out, and now he feels like an even bigger ass. "I have too…" He says quietly and she nods, secretly proud of him for coming to that conclusion on his own. _

"_You do." She confirms. _

_They are quite for a while longer. He's not sure what else to say. He knows another 'I'm sorry' isn't going to help anything and he owes her so much more than another apology. Gabby is so lost in thought that he is afraid to say anything. All he knows is that she is no longer screaming at him to leave her bedroom, and while she is still sitting pretty defensively beside him, she is still next to him and that's got to mean something. When she finally does speak her words shock him so much that he is lost for words. _

"_Matt… What, what does this mean for us…?" Her words are so timid and scared and his heart breaks. This sassy stubborn girl holds his heart, and he is well aware now that he holds hers and he is scared to death of breaking it, but the truth is he hasn't thought that through. _

_You would think he would have by now. They've been 'dating' for 4, almost 5 months now. He's been trying to tell her for almost that long. You would think he would've thought about the fall out of it all. Of how he would tell Hallie or how Gabby would react. _

_He hadn't thought about it really. But he was thinking about it now. And he loved Hallie. He really loved Hallie… but he loved Gabby too, more than he thought imaginable. He had to decide. _

_Gabby hates him right now. He lied to her. He turned her into a cheater. A cheater who didn't know she was a cheater, but she still was indeed a cheater. She feels dirty, but she loves Matt, and it's hard to just let that go and pretend it never happened. She hates that she feels this way. She is usually so head strong, and she is positive that if it was anyone else but him she would have probably kicked their ass, called their girlfriend and told them the truth, then gone out and got drunk with her fake ID at a little dive bar down the road and forgotten all about them by the morning. _

_This wasn't just any other guy though. She knew that from the moment she met him. She needed him, and she kind of hated herself for that. _

"_I'm going to tell Hallie… and then… then I hope, I'm going to come here and take you out and show you just how sorry I am…" He says softly, a hopeful look in his eye. _

_She gives him a soft relieved smile. She's happy that this isn't ending, but she definitely isn't letting him off the hook yet, and he expects nothing less. _

_They lie down on the bed and Gabby lets Matt hold her as she drifts off to sleep. Tomorrow when Hallie gets home from her overnight rotation for clinical at the hospital he is going to go home and tell her the truth. He knows it will be hard, they've been together for so long, but he knows he has to do it. _

_What neither expects is for Hallie's parents and brother to get into a car accident that night. _

_**It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't**_

_**It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed**_

_**Some prayers find an answer **_

_**Some prayers never know**_

_**We're holding on and letting go**_

_Matt doesn't break up with Hallie. _

_Gabby understands, in fact she encourages that he doesn't break up with her. She doesn't know the girl, but she knows that anyone going through that doesn't deserve to also go through a break up. Matt loves Gabby even more for that. _

_Gabby refuses to see him though. _

_She won't knowingly cheat, and Matt doesn't blame her. He already feels terrible for doing it in the first place. Hallie's mother ends up being in a comma for a month. Her brother has a broken leg and internal damage to his abdomen that is fixed in surgery. Hallie's dad has heart surgery, and then brain surgery. He doesn't make it, and Hallie is a mess. Matt is by her side through it all, and his guilt eats away at him, but he doesn't show it. He is her rock through it, and he wonders how he ever cheated on this girl in the first place. But then he passes Gabby in the hall at college, or he sees her getting coffee at 'their' spot, she will send him a small smile, and he remembers how she made him feel and he remembers it all. _

_Gabby and him text quite a bit after the funeral is over and Hallie's mom and brother return home. It takes a total of 5 months for things to go back to 'normal' for Hallie. Well as normal as life can get after you lose a parent. _

_When Gabby asks him if he plans on telling Hallie the truth he tells her he doesn't know, and she tells him that she doesn't know if she can do this anymore. _

_In the past five months they haven't slept together again. They've shared one kiss, and that was only because Matt insisted that he 'missed her to damn much not to have his lips on hers one more second'. They've shared numerous text messages, and rarely talked on the phone, and they never meet face to face. _

_Gabby waits for him. Because she loves him, and she knows he loves her, even if neither have said the actual words. Because he is worth the wait. _

_But then he tells her he doesn't know if he can break up with Hallie, so much had happened. _

_And she tells him that she can't wait for him forever, that she has to try and move on. _

_He doesn't fight her. He has no right too. He's surprised she stuck by him for so long. _

_Their 'break-up', if you could even call it that much, happens through text because Gabby still won't meet up with him when he is still dating Hallie. He should be relieved. Happy that he no longer has to break Hallie's heart. _

_He's not relieved. He's heartbroken, and he really hates himself for it. _

_Gabby doesn't want to end it. She truly loves him, but she won't be the girl who waits forever, she can't. She has to move on. But she doesn't move on, she cries. A lot more than she ever expected too, and she thinks about him constantly. She doesn't know how she let herself fall so hard in such a short amount of time, but she did, and she has a hard time regretting it, because she is pretty sure it was the best 4 and a half months of her life with Matt Casey. And it's pretty hard to regret something like that. _

_But she misses him. A lot. _

_And he misses her… so much more than he should. _

_**It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't**_

_**It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed**_

_**Some prayers find an answer **_

_**Some prayers never know**_

_**We're holding on and letting go**_

**Eeee. Nerves galore. **

**I don't agree with cheating at all, but sometimes the heart wants what it wants, and in this case my muse wanted what it wanted and this story just wrote it self. There is definitely more to this story to tell, a lot more.**

**Really hope you liked this one! **

**If you did please leave a review if you want me to continue with it!**

**Review, Review, Review.**

**xXx**


	2. If We Cannot See

**A/N: First off thank you all so much. I was scared to post this one, and you guys made sure that I wouldn't be anymore with all your kind words, reviews, follows, and favorites. I'm honestly honored by a lot of what you all have been saying, not only about this story, but my others. It truly means the world so thank you so much. **

**For all of those that have said that they still like it, even though there is cheating, I appreciate you sticking with me, and for those that have said that they can't get past the cheating, I understand. There were a few reviews that really struck me and motivated me to keep posting this one, so I'm stealing a few words from you all, (hope you don't mind). Someone said 'This is fanfiction.' It's such a simple statement, but it's true. So for those that are still skeptical of this one just remember. This. Is. Fanfiction. Fanfiction is honestly like art to me, the way people make up these ideas and can write beautiful words that can make you feel so many emotions… That is what I try to do through my writing, and if one of those emotions you feel is anger, or even disappointment, because of the choices my characters make, then I'm okay with that. Life isn't black and white, as much as we all like to think it is, or think that if we were in a situation such as what Matt and Gabby are in, in this story, that they'd do the right thing and the truth is that unless you've been in the situation you really can't say. I don't agree with cheating at all, so don't get me wrong there. **_**But this is also a love story, with shades of gray, nothing is black and white, and sometimes your love for someone outweighs your morals. **_**I know I don't need to defend myself, but for those that are struggling to read this one and get past the cheating maybe you can read this AN and understand it all a little more.**

**One last thing is that I want everyone to remember that the choices they are making in current time are (obviously) based off all the past they have together. 8 years is a lot of history and a lot of things go on, so just keep that in mind and I promise to continue to fill in the blanks in each chapter, so bear with me on that. Like I said in chapter one, this is kind of like two stories in one. The blanks will be filled and all that fun jazz. **

**Anyways, here is chapter two! This song fits perfectly in with this one and it is just absolutely beautiful. I love it. **

_I own nothing…_

Chapter 2: If We Cannot See  
The Devics

_**You were born with a heart that can never be filled**_

_**And a head like snow that can never be still**_

_**There are streets paved in gold that shine so bright **_

_**That you force yourself to look away**_

Matt wakes up when Gabby crawls out his bed and he lets out a groan of distaste at the loss of contact and she laughs softly at him. "Where are you going?" He whines childishly.

She's just finished pulling her pants back on and is working on snapping her bra into place and watching her half naked body roam around his office in the dark is making him want to help her pull all the clothes she's just put on back off.

"To get coffee, and a shower. And I need to get out of here before anyone notices I am in here." She says in a whisper, afraid for anyone to hear outside, though they know it is unlikely.

"Come here." He says it softly, but the boyish sleepy grin on his lips and the glint in his blue eyes has her heart melting and she gives in, sitting down beside him on the bed. She runs her fingers through his hair and cups his cheek before leaning down to give him a chaste kiss. He runs his hands up and down her arms sending goose bumps across her skin. "You could stay in here a bit longer." He murmurs giving her a look she knows all too well.

"So one of the guys can find out we are together and tell your _wife_? No thanks." It's a dig, and she doesn't really know why she said it, but she did and she can't take it back. They happen every once in a while, just slipping out before either of them can stop it.

"Or your _boyfriend._" He counters with a raised brow.

She scuffs and rolls her eyes. Her boyfriend isn't much of a boyfriend, they've only been together for a little over two months. They were more friends than anything, but Shay had set them up and Gabby really couldn't say no, Shay would have suspected something, and Gabby couldn't have that. She's barely kissed the guy, and they really don't see each other too often. They've become drinking buddies more than anything else, friends really. She is also pretty sure he has a girlfriend, or at the very least is talking to another girl… which shouldn't really bother her seeing as what she is doing herself. It actually doesn't bother her at all. She is more keeping up appearances for Shay, and she really hates that that is what her life has become, hiding her relationship with Matt behind some other sordid romance.

"Yeah, mine isn't much by choice." It's a sarcastic remark, and she says it defensively and he really doesn't appreciate it.

"You act like I am the only one in this thing." He says just as defensively because she is insinuating what he is doing is much worst then what she is, and while it may be true, she's still doing it, still agreeing to it. They aren't any better than the other, and as much as he hates when she gets this way. All defensive and snide, he can't say he blames her. He's asked a lot of her over the past few months, over the past 8 years really. He doesn't know how she still puts up with him. But she does, and he really hates the insinuation that she is throwing out right now.

She sighs, and calms herself before meeting his eyes again. "I'm sorry… I just… This is hard Matt… harder than I thought it would be."

He can only nod in agreement because he fully does agree. It is hard, and he knows he could easily simplify it, but they haven't. They've never talked about what will happen if someone finds out, and they've never talked about what will happen if he tells Hallie the truth. Maybe not of the whole tragic romance of the past 8 years, but at least of the past year. They've never broached the topic and he wonders why because every day that goes by is a day that he thinks of how much he wants to end it all and just start over with Gabby.

He wants to give Gabby the real relationship that he never did before. He want's everything with her, but she is reserved around him. She hides her heart around him more than she cares to admit and he won't ever blame her for that. They've hurt each other a lot over the years, him more than her. They've gone through more together than what most 'real' couples ever will. They've learned together, they've loved together, and worst of all they've lost together. They've suffered a tragic loss together that will forever bind them to the other. They are the only two that know about it, or at least the only two that know that they suffered it together.

She finishes getting dressed and he peeks out the window to make sure the cost is clear before pulling her in tight and giving her long kiss, never knowing for sure when their next one will be. She kisses his cheek and then she is out his door like nothing ever happened and they are both back to leading the happy lives that everyone thinks they live. The lives where he is married to his high school sweetheart. Where Gabby is the best PIC in the whole city who just happened to come here a year ago. Where they were 'strangers' who became the best of friends. Where they didn't have a rocky history. Where they were nothing more than friends.

Where they didn't secretly love each other…

_**If we can't see now, we might never see**_

_**We only kill ourselves more slowly**_

_**If you can't find love, then you will finally see**_

_**How we kill ourselves slowly**_

_She sees Matt more than she wished once school starts back up. She had the summer to think about everything, to get over him and forget about the screwed up romance that they had last year. She spent the summer with her best friend Leslie out at the bars drowning her sorrows and listening to some of the best live music in the windy city that she had ever heard. Leslie had no idea about Casey, well she had a little idea. She knew that Gabby started seeing someone during her first year of college and that she really liked him, but things got complicated and they ended it- that was all Shay got, and Gabby was happy when she didn't push for more information. She wouldn't have given it even if Shay had, but she was grateful she hadn't. _

_Gabby doesn't expect to run into him- literally, on her first day back at college. It's all too familiar, except there is no coffee spilt, and he doesn't let her fall to the ground. He quickly catches her, both hands flying up too land on her arms to steady her before she can fall. She shaken for a moment, staring into his eyes in disbelief. All those feelings from so many months ago filling her head and her heart. _

"_Matt…" Her voice is soft and it sounds more like a breath than it does a word. _

_He momentarily transfixed staring at her, not sure what to do or say. He's missed her. So much over the past few months. _

"_Gabby…" He clears his throat and his hands fall from her shoulders, though all he wants to do is pull her closer and act like he never let her go. "How have you been?" He questions. _

_She takes a step away after his hands leave her arms to get a hold of herself. He isn't yours anymore Gabby, he never really was to begin with. _

"_I uh, I'm good." Her words aren't convincing at all and she knows it, but she is too mesmerized by seeing him again to care. His hair seems a little lighter from the summer sun and his skin is a little tanner and he is cleanly shaved. He looks _really_ good. She misses him. _

_He goes to say something else but is cut off by the brunette that come bouncing up to him wrapping her arm around his and kissing his cheek. "There you are, thought I lost you there for a minute." She laughs. Matt gives her what he hopes is a convincing smile and Gabby bows her head, shame written all over her face, and she's not even sure why she feels it. She likes to think she did the right thing when she found out about him being in a relationship, but it still doesn't stop the guilt she still feels every time she thinks of him and their time together, which is quite a bit. _

"_Oh, sorry! Am I interrupting something?" A smile is still on her face and Gabby can tell there isn't an ounce of jealousy in her voice, she is just honestly concerned she has interrupted a conversation. Gabby can tell she is a good person, and she wishes she wasn't. It'd be much easier to dislike her. _

_Matt looks completely lost right now and Gabby shakes her head, putting on a brave face. She goes to open her mouth to speak and that's when she sees it. _

_It's shiny and bright and it is staring right back at her from its place on Hallie's ring finger. Her mouth slams shut and she gives Matt a cold stare and it is his turn to bow his head in shame. Hallie is oblivious to it all and Gabby shakes her head. _

"_Nope, not interrupting anything. He was just giving me my purse, I dropped it." She easily lied. "Have a good day." She turns around quickly, not even waiting to hear Hallie's reply of 'you too!' and she walks away. She wonders if he ever really felt the same way she did about him. She wonders how long they have been engaged, and she wonders how he did it, but what she wonders most is why it couldn't be her instead. She tries to erase that thought though. Because he isn't hers, he never was, and he's getting married to someone else and he never will be hers._

_She sitting at her table trying to study, which isn't going so well, and nursing her third glass of wine when there is a knock at her door. She growls in frustration. Her roommate is always forgetting her key, and she really isn't in the greatest of moods right now- she is also on her third glass of wine and she is feeling a little tipsy. _

_She swings the door open with force and stands there with shock filling her features. She quickly recovers and goes to swing the door back closed. He is not seriously here right now. _

"_Whoa, Gabby, give me a minute." He says his hand flying out to block the closing door. _

_She send him and icy glare and stand in her doorway with her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face that he would really love to kiss away. She's in a small pair of cotton sleep shorts and a tank top, -no bra, and he definitely notices. Her hair is curly and frizzy and in wild curls down her back and there isn't a trace of make up on her face, but her lips are flushed and he's pretty sure by the lazy look under her now cold eyes that she has been drinking. She's never looked more beautiful, and he's reminded of all that he let go as he stares at her now. _

_She's smirking now because she knows he is looking at her, and she knows that she's not going to let him have her and that's his own fault. Though she is still mad at him and really wants to hate him, it still is nice to see that look she knows well in his eyes. _

"_Well?" She questions when he doesn't say anything and continues to look at her. _

_He clears his throat, but it still feels dry and he is sure his heart rate has doubled. "I uh, can I come in?"_

_She reluctantly lets him in and closes the door but doesn't move far. Her arms are still crossed and she still is giving him an angry look that he can't blame her for. _

"_I'm sorry…" It's the first words he can think of and he knows they probably don't mean much to her anymore, her roll of the eyes and lack of words tell him his assumption is correct. _

"_It happened this summer…" He tells her the story of how he wound up engaged to Hallie in the 5 months that they hadn't talked because he knows she wants to know, even if she doesn't say as much. He knows her. So he tells her about how he and Hallie celebrated their 5 year anniversary and how there wasn't some big fancy declaration, that he didn't have a ring at first, and that he never even planned it. They had started talking and all of a sudden they were on the topic of marriage and he was asking if she wanted to get married and she was saying yes and then they were engaged. It wasn't romantic, which he explained kind of summed up most of their relationship anyways. He saved up and bought her a ring a month later and they were happy. He left out the part about the guilt that struck his heart the minute Hallie threw herself into his arms happily, and how her caramel skin and the brightest smile on her face is what he pictured when he slipped the engagement ring onto Hallie's finger, because he knew her. He knew she didn't want to hear it because it didn't change things and because it wasn't fair to her to hear those things. It wasn't fair at all, none of it was. _

_Gabby's silent while he speaks and she listens intently because as hard as it is to hear that he is engaged, it's just nice to hear his voice. To be with him again. And she really did want to know how it happened, it was nice to hear that he wasn't actually engaged all along and she was just now finding out, or that he had been planning on proposing for a long time. Somehow she took comfort in the fact that the proposal was very simple. _

_When he's done talking about how they weren't planning on getting married anytime soon and weren't going to be doing any planning until they were both done with their final year of college he sits silently and he watches her process all the information she was given. He can't take his eyes off of her, and he wonders if a day will ever come that Gabriella Dawson is not at the forefront of his mind. In a lot of ways he hopes it won't, and he knows that a newly engaged man shouldn't be having those thoughts at all. _

"_You should go…" She says softly. It's the first thing that she's said since she has closed the door after him and it surprises him for a minute. _

"_Gabs…"_

"_No… Okay, just no. You're _engaged_ now Matt. You're getting married to someone. That… that's a big deal. We can't keep… whatever this is… it needs to stop…" Her words trail off and she won't meet his eyes again and he's looking at her desperately. He doesn't want this to end, though he knows it's been over for some time now, it doesn't mean hearing her say those words are any easier. _

"_Gabby I lov…"_

"_Don't…" Her voice is dangerously low, but her eyes are pleading with him. "Don't say it. Please…"_

"_Why not?!" He throws his arms up in frustration. _

"_Why not? Matt you are engaged! We, us, we are _nothing_! So you don't get to say those words because you don't mean them! When you love someone you don't cheat on them! You don't lie, and you sure as hell don't propose to someone else! You don't hurt the people you love Matt!" Her voice raises with every word and he knows she's mad. She wants him to fight, to fight for her, and he's going to give it to her. Maybe it's because they haven't talked in 5 months, or because he hasn't got to kiss her in over 8 months, maybe it's because it has been so close to a year since he got to hold her. He doesn't know the reason why. All he knows is they're both angry and her chest is heaving and she is looking all sorts of frazzled and beautiful and when they are together it's like the world melts away and it seems like they've known each other all their lives. He kisses her. Large strides take him to her and he wraps his arms around her, his hand on the back of her head buried in her curls pulling her to him and slamming their lips together feverishly. A gasp leaves her lips in surprise and she pushes him away at first, staring at him disbelievingly, but still in his arms. _

_And then she kisses him back. It's filled with passion and it conveys everything they are feeling, all the things that they can't say. They tumble back into the wall and her back hits it with a thump, but neither seems to care. His lips leave her mouth and trail down her neck to the spot he knew she loved and when she moans out his name he is sure this woman is going to be the death of him. _

_His hands are running up and down her sides pulling her to him as close as possible and her hands are running through his hair, his lips are on hers and her tongue is in his mouth and she doesn't know how she went so long without this. _

_And then his phone is vibrating in his pocket and they are both snapped back to reality. She's kicking him out and she won't meet his eyes, and he's on his way back home to his fiancé, but the girl that's on his mind looks nothing like the girl that's waiting for him at home._

_**The words that fall from your mouth**_

_**They crystallize and break on the ground**_

_**And everything you want, you can't have**_

_**But you force yourself to look away**_

Their kisses are lazy and soft and gentle as they relish in the feel of just getting to be together.

It's been weeks since their office escapade and they haven't spent as much time together as either would like. Matt's been busy with construction jobs and, -though he'd never tell her, she made a point that Hallie was the last thing she preferred to talk about while they were together- he's been fighting with Hallie quite a bit the past few weeks, and it's taken up quite a bit of his time. Gabby's been busy at Molly's working on shipment and bartending, and spending time with her crazy niece and nephew.

They've only seen each other at work and a few times at a little coffee shop they frequent often, they are 'friends' after all, at least in everyone else's eyes they are. So meeting up for coffee and chatting isn't frowned upon, though he knows that the foot that she lets slide up and down his leg under the table is _very _frowned upon, and she smirks every time she does it and he takes in a sharp breath and sends her a glare from across the little table because there is nothing he can do about it.

A lazy Sunday evening in her bed is overdue.

Matt's laid on top of her and they've been making out like teenagers for the past 10 minutes under her cool sheets, except there is nothing teenage about it when their bare bodies are still pressed together from their previous activities.

Gabby's told him once before, in a rare burst of honesty, that feeling him on top of her was probably the most comforting thing she's experienced. When he raised his brow in question she elaborated. While she loved to cuddle after sex –well all the time, but that wasn't the point- there was just something about having his body rested a top of hers, his weight evenly distributed above her and his arms on either side of her that made her feel so safe. Like she was in her own little cocoon of Matt Casey and she never wanted to leave it. And after that explanation how could he _not _love it too; when Gabby Dawson says she like you on top of her –sexually or otherwise– you don't question it, you just do it.

His lips graze against hers gently and his hands run slowly up and down her sides as hers run up and down his back, feeling the muscle contract under her fingers. He pulls away and rest his forehead against hers and listens as a content sigh leavers her lips.

She's happy. Happier than she has been in years and it's all because of the amazing man above her.

Her kisses her nose and she squirms from the feel of his wet lips and a little giggle that he will never tire of hearing leaves her and he can't help but smile broadly, and then the words are falling out of his mouth in a sigh before he even realizes he has actually said them. "I love you."

He freezes, because he knows he has just messed up this perfect moment. They don't say those three words. He knows it, and he knows it's because if they don't say them than they can both pretend what they have is just sex, nothing more. They both know it's the biggest lie of the century, but neither acknowledges it. It's an unspoken rule, and every once in a while it gets broken- almost always by him. This is usually the time that she is kicking him out, or depending on the location throwing her clothes on in a haste and running out of there. Running away from him and those words that they both want to mean nothing, but really mean _everything, _because it would all be so much simpler if they really did mean nothing.

He closes his eyes and waits for him to be shoved away and told to leave, and he knows that she will do it all because she's more in denial about all this than he is and he is the one that's married for God's sake. But he's hurt her a lot over the years and he knows that she does it all to try and protect her fragile heart, a heart that he knows has seen way to much heart ache in its time.

Her eyes snap open and she tenses when those words leave his lips. It's been months since either of them have let them slip, and although that's how she wants it, she has still missed hearing them from him. But she will never admit that.

This is usually where she kicks him out, yells at him to go, he has a wife, and he doesn't mean it. This is just sex. They don't feel anything. Lie, lie, lie, one after another because it makes what they are doing feel not half as bad.

But she does none of those things, she can't bring herself too. She's missed him the past few weeks, and she's starting to wonder if maybe it wouldn't be so bad to hear those words when they are snuggled in her bed late at night. Maybe it wouldn't be bad at all.

Tears well in her eyes because it feels so good to hear him say it, and it shouldn't, but it does and she decides that she doesn't so much care about all their stupid unspoken rules right now. She lifts her head up just the slightest and lets her lips graze his and her hand come to the back of his neck to pull him closer. He doesn't reciprocate at first, he's in shock from her reaction, but when he does the tension leaves his body and he melts into her soft kisses.

He trails soft kisses on her lips, nose, cheeks, and neck. He kisses the juncture where her shoulder and neck meet and then he nuzzles his nose there before he lets his head fall to her shoulder. Her arms wrap tighter around his back and shoulders as she holds him to her chest and she arches her back a little so that he can slip his around her stomach. They cling to each other in the sanctuary of her bedroom, chests pressed tightly together, in their own little paradise under her cool sheets.

She lets out a little ragged sigh and a moment later he feels a tear slip down her cheek and hit his own. His arms tighten around her and he places a kiss to the side of her neck and he whispers sweet nothings in her ear as silent tears fall off her cheeks and dampen his own.

He doesn't question her and she's grateful for it. She doesn't want to explain that she wishes this was their life every night. That he was fully hers, not just on these nights, but out in the open, at their little coffee shop, at work, everywhere. She doesn't want to hide how much she loves him, how much she's _always_ loved him. She wants to scream it from the rooftops.

They're a handful of chances missed and opportunities never taken and she hates the feeling that that is all they will ever be.

She just wants to be with him. Everyday. All the time.

Because she loves him. She always will, and she finally came to the realization that maybe it's not so bad to admit those words to each other after all.

It's awhile later before he is rolling over onto his side and turning her to face him. Pulling the sheets up to their necks to keep them warm in her air conditioned apartment. He wipes the remainder of tears from her cheeks and they sit and enjoy the silence for a while longer.

And he is certain that her next words will give him a heart attack coming from her perfect lips one day.

"You know I love you too, right?" Her words are soft and almost timid, but she's looking right at him and he hears her clearly. "'Cause I do Matt… _so_ _much_."

He's sure _he _is going to cry now. He lets out a happy little chuckle, because he hasn't heard her say those words since the night that they started this whole thing again nearly a year ago and _damn_ do they sound even better than he ever remembers.

His lips are on hers in an instant and he's pulling her as close as possible.

He loves her.

And she loves him.

They've always known it, always felt it, but they said it, and he knows that that is a big step for them.

He's beginning to think maybe he's wearing on her, and maybe this whole deep-dark-secret that is their relationship won't be so deep and dark and secret for much longer.

_**If we can't see now, we might never see**_

_**We only kill ourselves more slowly**_

_**If you can't find love then you will finally see**_

_**How we kill ourselves more slowly**_

_It's like everywhere he goes she is there. He can't escape her, and he really doesn't want too. But she won't talk to him. She will barely look at him and it is killing him. _

_It's been about two month since he showed up at her apartment and she kicked him out. _

_They don't have any classes together, him being in his fourth year and her in her second. He did general education classes his first years until he decided to take some carpentry and building classes. He's mostly still here to play hockey. He loves it, and it's his final year to play. If it weren't for the game he probably wouldn't even still be here for the last year, but he doesn't want to give it up yet. _

_He isn't sure what her class schedule is this year. Last year he had it memorized in those few months that they were together, always having an idea of when he would run in to her, excited at the prospect. This year was different, he had no idea when or where. _

_He definitely didn't expect to see her at their little coffee spot. He didn't expect to watch her order two coffee's from afar, and he didn't expect her to walk straight up to a tall dark haired guy and pass him the second cup. He never expected that guy to be one of his teammates on the hockey team, and he really, _really_ didn't expect said teammate to lean down and kiss his girl. _

_Okay, well, she wasn't _his_ girl, but well… She _was_ his girl. _

_He could feel his blood boiling and he knew he had no reason for it. Of course she would move on. She was a beautiful girl, she was young, and well she was beautiful. What guy wouldn't notice? But she was his and he couldn't stand seeing her with anyone else. _

_She looks up as she walks away with what seems to be her new boyfriend and she meet's Casey's eyes. She's shocked, but she tries not to show it. She can see the jealously spewing off of him as she walks away with Brad and she doesn't look back. She moved on. She found someone else and Matt had the girl that he'd had all along. _

_She liked Brad and he treated her right… It didn't mean anything that she could never get the blonde haired man that had stolen her heart out of her head. It surely didn't mean anything that every single thing Brad did she compared to Matt…_

_No it didn't mean anything at all… right…?_

_**If you can't find me then you can't find love**_

_**If you close your eyes then you'll finally see**_

_**That you're already here with me**_

**Big step for current time Dawsey, they shared that little 'L' word… hmm. **

**Thanks for reading! **

**I don't expect as big of feedback as I got for the first one, but something close would be pretty awesome, if you're feeling generous and all ; )**

**Review, Review, and I will have another update soon!**

**xXx**


	3. Wait For Love

**A/N: Because you guys are just all so amazing I decided to update again today. Thank you all once again for the support! I've just finished chapter 8 to this one and am working on 9 right now, so I'm quite a bit ahead, and am just really excited for you guys to get the full story of their history. There is so much more to it than I'd planned when I started, so it is fun for me right now to have it all together, and I will keep updating frequently so you all can get the full story as well. **

**I really wanted to get this one up because the next one is one of my favorites, and because the reviews for the last chapter blew me away, as usual. **

**This song is beautiful and Matt White is pure perfection, check him out if you haven't. I love him.**

**OH! And props to any Grey's Anatomy fan that is reading this one and can catch the Grey's dialogue that is thrown in this chapter… I couldn't help myself. **

_I own nothing._

Chapter 3: Wait For Love

Matt White

_**It's like a quarter to three**_

_**And I just can't sleep**_

'_**Cause I'm think of you**_

_**And all those times we cried**_

_**Did we really try?**_

_**Now I'm dreaming in blue**_

_The 'back to school winter formal' is not something Casey is looking forward too. The name itself is pretty stupid. They call it back-to-school, but they have already been back for over 4 months. Its right before winter break starts and it's more of one big dance/party for all the students for passing their first semester. _

_He doesn't want to go, not at all. But Hallie does, and so they do. _

_Hallie gets a nice dress and he rents a tux and he tells her she looks beautiful and kisses her check before they leave, because she does. And because despite how much of an ass he is for cheating, he's always been a gentleman, because he really does love Hallie…_

_He sees her right when they walk through the door to the large decorated room, and he can't help but stare. _

_She's wearing a tight red dress with lace straps and an open back. It's floor length and has a slit up the side that ends mid-thigh and it's hugging every glorious curve that she has. Her black high-heels aren't helping his bulging eyes. Her eyes, on the other hand, are dark and smoky and her lips are done up in red, while her hair is half up in tamed curls. She is breath taking, and he's sure she doesn't even realize it. _

_The other think he notices about her is the smile on her lips, and the guy on her arm. _

_Brad. _

_Gabby meets his eyes, and he vaguely thinks about how crazy it is that they are always catching each other's attention from across rooms or large hallways, or where ever they may be. They are always drawn to each other. She sends him a soft smile and averts her eyes back to her date, and he makes his way to a table with Hallie. _

_He'd be lying if he said he didn't stare at Gabby the majority of the night. He sat by Hallie with his arm draped over the back of her chair while she talked to some girl he didn't know about a final that they had taken earlier that week. She'd been talking to people most of the night, and he butted in when necessary otherwise he sat and minded his own business… and he let his eyes wander over to Gabby more than he cared to admit. _

_She seemed like she was having a great time, and he was happy for her. He was also jealous as ever, but none the less, happy for her. It angered him though that she could look so happy and carefree, like nothing happened between the two, while he sat here with his beautiful fiancé and couldn't get the girl out of his head. _

_Half-way through the night Hallie asked him to dance, and after two dances he saw Gabby and her date out on the dance floor as well and once again he couldn't help but stare at her, jealousy coursing through him. _

_Gabby was enjoying herself, more than she thought she would once she saw Matt walk in with Hallie. _

_Her and Brad had been together for a little over 3 months and she really liked him. He was nice, and caring and he was damn good looking. He was only a year older than her and they spent a lot of time together outside of classes. She could see herself falling for this guy, and it felt nice to feel that way again. _

_She thought about Matt every day, more than she should, but she tried her hardest to forget him. He was getting married, he had Hallie, and she had Brad. She was happy, at least as happy as she could be with only half her heart to give away, and she really did hope that Matt was happy too. _

_Brad held her close as they danced and he told her for possibly the hundredth time that night that she looked beautiful and she blushed and told him he wasn't so bad himself. _

_They danced and shared a few kisses and the entire time Gabby could feel those eyes on her. _His_ eyes. She had felt him eyeing her all night and she tried to ignore it, but it was getting harder as the night wore on. Tonight wasn't the first night she had caught him staring, not in the least. She'd catch him in the hall, or out on the quad. They'd run into each other at that damned coffee shop and she couldn't help but looking up and finding those steely blues staring her down. _

_He was making it damn hard to get over him when he kept looking at her like that. _

_**No matter where we say goodbye **_

_**I'll tell you, baby**_

_**Keep your head high**_

_She caught Matt's eyes from across the dance floor and they burned into her. Jealousy and rage and lust. She felt her temperature spike, and she swore the room was closing in on her. _

_She shook her head, breaking from his intense stare and pulled away from Brad. _

"_You okay?" _

_She cleared her throat, "Yeah I'm uh, I'm fine. Just hot. Feeling kind of claustrophobic… I'm gonna go get some fresh air."_

"_You want me to come with you?" _

"_No, no, I'm good. You stay. I'll be back soon." She kissed his cheek and hurried out of the room and down the hall… and that's when she heard his voice calling her name. _

_**I'll wait for love**_

_**I'll wait for you**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

_**I'll wait, will you?**_

_**When times are hard **_

_**I think of you**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

"_Gabby…"_

"_Leave me alone." She didn't bother to turn around as she rushed down the hall and turned a corner before ducking into an empty class room, throwing the door closed. _

_He caught it, and entered right behind her, subconsciously flipping the lock. _

"_Just leave me alone…" She pleaded walking around the other side of the large desk, needing to put space between them. _

"_I just wanted to make sure you were alright…"_

"_No, I'm not alright! Okay? Are you satisfied!? I'm not alright! Because you have a fiancé. And you're getting married. And you came after me, you kissed me!" She listed off and he took a few steps towards her. "And now you're looking at me!" _

_He gave her a confused look then. "Stop looking at me." She scolded and when he stepped towards her again she took a few steps back. _

"_I'm not looking at you. I am _not_ looking at you!" He defended, his voice rising. _

"_You are looking at me. And you watch me." He looks away because he knows she is right. She is so right. "And Brad is nice! I like Brad. He is perfect for me. And I am really trying here. Really trying to be happy! And I can't breathe! I can't breathe with you looking at me like that so just stop it!" She turns from him and runs her hand through her hair. Trying to stop her ragged breathing and calm herself. _

_Her words strike a nerve in him and he's instantly angry at her for insinuating that this is easy for him. "You think I want to look at you?" His words are low and forceful and she turns back around to face him then, the desk separating them. "You think I wouldn't rather be looking at my fiancé?" He steps towards her and she's looking at him intently, hanging on his words as they hit her straight in the heart. "I'm engaged now Gabby! I'm getting married!" She turns away from him then, those words coming from his mouth hurt more than she could imagine. He's right behind her now bracing himself against the desk as he continues. _

"_She doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about another guy touching her with his hands!" His fist pounds the desk and she flinches, but he doesn't notice, his frustration with her at a high. "Oh god, I would give anything _not_ to be looking at you!" He growls out now. _

_He's standing right behind her and he has to look away because he's so mad. Mad at her. Mad at this situation. But more than anything he is mad at himself. He looks up again when she turns around and he can see unshed tears in her eyes and her chest is still heaving and her lips are slightly pouted, and god she is beautiful, and he really wants to kiss her. _

_So he does. _

_**And looking in my eyes**_

_**We're both telling lies**_

_**Asking too much of you**_

_**And when you kiss my lips**_

_**That is what I miss **_

_**Not knowing we'd be through**_

_His hands are on both side of her cheeks in an instant, pulling her too him and kissing her hard and she's smiling into the kiss despite herself. He picks her up and sets her down on the desk and his hands are on the bare skin of her thigh and her lips are on his neck and they are a mess of moans and kisses and much, much more. _

_She wants to cry because he is just so perfect and she is so in love with him that it really does hurt. She knows that this is just sex, that he will return to his fiancé and it will be nothing more, but she doesn't want to think about that now. Now all she wants to think about is his hands on her bottom and her back and his lips on that spot right by her ear that he knew drove her crazy. She wants to think about his sweet words in her ear telling her she's beautiful and perfect and sexy and all the things she has needed to hear for a few months now because for some reason he is the only one who can say them and make her believe them. And she really wants to think about how he is hers and she is his. At least for now. In this moment of time it's only the two of them and it's the best feeling in the world. _

_She feels amazing, and her lips on his neck and chest are driving him wild, and damn has he missed her. She perfect in every sense of the term and he's never felt like this about a person in his life. He asks himself regularly what it is about her that draws him to her so much and _this _is it. It's not the sex, it's the feeling. The feeling he gets every single time he is with her, every time he is around her. She gives him something he never knew that he wanted or needed, and now that he has it he doesn't know how he ever lived without it. _

_He kisses her so sweetly that she cries when it's over because this feels so right, being with him, but it's so wrong and she knows it. She doesn't cry right away. They both are in the middle of dressing and she turns her back to him after pulling the straps of her dress up. He comes up behind her and brushes the hair off her neck and pulls the zipper up on the back of her dress before placing a soft kiss to the back of her neck, and then she cries. He lets her fall back into his arms and he wraps his arms around her waist and his chin rest on her shoulder and he holds her while she cries because he knows that it is all his fault that she is crying, and he hates that. He hates that he is the one that is always reducing this strong, brilliant girl to tears. _

_After a few soft kisses and an agreement to meet at her apartment tomorrow night to talk, they both straighten themselves out and head back out to the dance. They'd been gone far too long and they know they have some explaining to do to their dates. They send each other gentle smiles across the room before they leave with their respective partners and Gabby decides that maybe things will be alright. _

_Matt meets her at her apartment the next night while Hallie is at her night class and they talk. They talk about everything. Their first time together. They talk about Hallie. They talk about Brad. They talk about how this is going to work. They talk about everything, and then they do a whole lot of not talking. _

_**No matter where we say goodbye**_

_**I tell you, darling**_

_**I won't cry**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

_**I'll wait for you**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

_**I'll wait, will you?**_

_She breaks up with Brad a few days later. _

_Matt doesn't break up with Hallie._

_She knows that means that now she is willingly helping him cheat on his fiancé. She knows that makes her a bad person. _

_She doesn't so much care though… and she knows that makes her an even worst person. _

_But she loves him, and right now that is enough for her. _

_**When times are hard**_

_**I think of you**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

The annual 'Friend of Fire Fighters' barbecue was in full swing at a city park not far from 51, almost all of the house members already there.

Gabby sat at a picnic table nursing her second beer with Hermann, Otis, Cruz, Mills, and Kelly by her sides. They were all joking and laughing. Waiting for the rest of the 51 crew while the sat around enjoying the warm day.

Shay joined them not long after and she plopped down beside Gabby and stole her beer, taking a large gulp. Gabby swatted at the blonde.

"Hey! That's mine!" She reached for the bottle, but Shay turned away from her taking another big gulp. Finally setting it back down in front of Gabby with only a few drops left in it. All of the guys were laughing hysterically at the girls antics.

Shay licked her lips and hummed in appreciation. "Thanks babe." She winked at Gabby jokingly and the brunette sent her a glare and tried her hardest not to smile. It only lasted a second before a smile broke out and she mumbled an 'I hate you' that both girls and the rest of the guys knew she didn't mean. When they laughed at her again she pouted, and they laughed more.

"Guys!" She cried out, not liking being the butt of the joke.

Shay patted her head patronizingly and Gabby japed her in the side with her finger, not appreciating the gesture that only made the guys laugh and shake their heads more.

"Now, now, are you all picking on Dawson again?" Her eyes snapped up immediately at his voice, always so husky and smooth all in one. It'd been a few weeks since that night in her bedroom when they had shared those three little words in the darkness. They'd said them a few times since then. Both meaning them more than they ever had to anyone else. It had been a few days since their last shift, and a few days since she had saw him. And now there he was. All nice blue jeans and simple gray shirt, tan from working outside in the sun, and his eyes seemed to shine even bluer in the sun, and he was staring right at her, a perfect little smile playing on his lips.

No one seemed to notice the sexual tension pass between the two friends as everyone greeted Casey. And that's when she saw her. All long lean legs and long brown hair. Hallie.

She was stood just a little behind Matt and no one had really acknowledged her yet, until Hermann patted the seat beside him and she sat down. Right across the seat where Gabby was perched. Matt took the seat next to Hallie and Gabby watched as Hallie placed a kiss on Matt's cheek and then rested against his side.

Shay felt Gabby visibly tense beside her, and looked at her curiously, not sure why the change in demeanor.

"Oh you know Lieutenant, wouldn't be a normal day together if we weren't picking on Dawson." Hermann laughed.

Dawson managed a weak smile as reply and every one fell into conversation about something or another. Gabby was silent and she couldn't help but watch the couple in front of her, and she couldn't help the voice in the back of her head that kept nagging at her, _that should be us._

When Hallie tucked her hair behind her ear for what Gabby swore was the 100th time since she arrived, each time her ring catching the light of the sun and shining right at Gabby, the dark skinned brunette stood up from the table quickly. Shay gave her a questioning look, asking her where she was going.

Gabby turned and told her she was going to go get another beer since _someone_ drank all of hers. Nothing more was said as Gabby walked away, feeling like she could breathe again for the first time since Matt and Hallie had sat down.

And no one but Shay noticed Matt's lingering eyes as he watched Gabby walk away.

Shay decided she'd be keeping an extra eye on this one, whatever it was. 

_**Your eyes still gaze at me**_

_**Through pictures **_

_**You could just be the one**_

_**That got away**_

_**I look down at the phone**_

_**It's your number**_

_**Too many times a day**_

_Somehow they manage to 'date' under the radar for a little over a year. Matt Graduates College in that time and enrolls in the fire academy and starts working for a friend of a friend doing construction. Gabby earns an Associate's degree and deliberates medical school, but takes a semester off to decide and works at a little café on the outskirts of the city during that time, she also moves and gets an apartment of her own in small neighborhood miles away from the place that Casey and Hallie now call home._

_Hallie is blissfully unaware of it all as she finishes out her last year of medical school and starts volunteering at a clinic downtown. It's long hours and late nights and she is exhausted, but she loves it, and Matt is proud of her for how hard she works. _

_Matt and Gabby have somehow made it work for so long now. They meet at her apartment every time, never his place. Ever. Somehow it makes what they are doing feel not quite as wrong. They both know going to Matt's home would be crossing a line. It's hard to believe there could be more 'lines' that could be crossed to make what they are already doing worst, but they've decided there is. _

_Neither of them question their relationship. They learned in the early stages not too, it only led to a fight that had one of them slamming doors and saying they were done… Only to have them meeting back up and apologizing, saying they were sorry and that they didn't want to fight, didn't want to be without the other. _

_The longest a 'break up' ever lasted was a week. One week before she was calling him up and telling him he better get over to her apartment before she really did break up with him for good. He was just leaving a construction job when she called and he had chuckled at her and been on her doorstep within 20 minutes and she was pulling him inside and having her way with him before either could question a thing. _

_They are lying in bed one afternoon when he asks a question that he is sure will get him in trouble, but it has been on his mind for a couple weeks now and he needs to know. _

"_Does it bother you?"_

_She looks over at him from the book she was reading and gives him a questioning look. "Does what bother me?"_

"_Does it bother you that I'm sleeping with someone else?" His voice was soft and he wouldn't make eye contact with her; she wondered what answer he really wanted. He did this every so often, gave her an out. _

_She didn't want an out, not one bit. It spoke to his character though, him giving her an opportunity to end the whole thing. They both knew it wasn't as easy as that though, they'd tried it before. _

_She didn't want the out, but she also couldn't lie, he'd see right through it. She set her book down and rolled over and placed herself on his lap so she was startling him as he sat up against her bed frame. She let her fingers play with the hem of his shirt as she answered in a timid voice. "Some days it does…" She looked up at him and she saw regret flash in his eyes. "What about you? Would it bother you if I was?"_

_Although he wasn't for sure, he had assumed she wasn't - though he'd never asked her not too – but she just confirmed it for him there. _

"_Yes." He admitted, lying wasn't worth the argument. _

_The look he got after he said 'yes' let him know that maybe telling the truth wasn't worth the argument either. _

"_So what I have to be committed to you, but you don't have to be committed to me?"_

_He sighed. "That's not what I'm saying Gabby…"_

"_Then what are you saying Matt?" Her eyebrow was raised and her voice was sassy, she made it hard not to love her when she was like this. But he had learned long ago that everything she did made it hard not to love her. She was still straddling his lap and she was only in a pair of underwear and a tank top and looking at her right now had him wondering why they were even talking and not doing much better things with their mouths. _

_"Have you not been with anyone else?" He asks quietly, genuine surprise in his voice. Not that he thought she would sleep around, it was just that they'd been doing this thing for over a year now and he was shocked that she hadn't been with anyone else in that time. _

_She bowed her head bashfully. "Not since that night of the winter formal…"_

_That felt surprisingly great to hear. _

_After that they he got a wolfish smirk on his face and they did whole lot of not talking for a couple hours before he went home. _

_**I'll wait for love**_

_**I'll wait for you**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

_**I'll wait, will you?**_

Matt found her not to long later, not that it was hard to find her, his eyes had barely left her all day. She was in short denim shorts and a cute tank top that flowed perfectly around her small frame. She looked classy and comfortable all in one on the warm summer day and he watched her intently the few times that she had swiftly pulled that –now short, curly hair into a low pony tail, only to let it down and shake it out a while later.

He couldn't help but hate her a little bit that day as he watched her stand with her arms cross, watching the kids play football after having already spent her own fair share of time playing with them. She was great with the kids, and his heart ached a little every time he saw her with them. He knew today was hard because of how close it was to the up and coming day. He watched her with them, throwing the ball and giving piggy back rides, picking the littlest girls up when they caught the ball and running with them for the touchdown because their little legs just couldn't carry them there fast enough.

She was a natural.

But that wasn't what was making him hate her at that moment. "Really?"

He questioned as he came to stand beside her, crossing his arms over his chest to mirror her. She didn't look away from the game, but she raised her brow and a 'humph?' left her lips.

"Those shorts…" They were his favorite of hers, and he'd told her it once before. Now she used them as a weapon, and she used it well he thought as he looked down at the expanse of smooth leg before him.

She bit her lip to stop from smirking and he watched her cheeks turn a little pink. She had to know that biting her lip was having almost the same effect as the shorts did. "You're killing me." He groaned quietly.

"Well you should know by now Lieutenant, if you play with fire you're gonna get burned…" Her voice lowered an octave and if he hadn't been so tuned into her he probably wouldn't have heard her at all, but he did. Boy he did.

His mouth went dry and he saw a glint in her eye he knew well and he was sure his eyes held that same little sparkle. He decided a subject change was needed. Fast.

"You looked like you were having fun out there." He laughed.

She smiled softly and he saw something like a mix off loss and adoration mixed in her perfect brown eyes. "They're great kids…"Her words trailed off and then he was asking a question that he wasn't sure she really wanted to hear.

"Do you think about it at all?" He said timidly.

"Everyday…" She said honestly and a tear swam in her eye for the briefest of moments and he watched her hold it back, pushing it away as if it had never come at all.

They were silent for a while. Standing in the middle of the park, watching other parents kids play and laugh and be innocent. Both thinking of the same thing, but neither saying anything at all. Enjoying the silence, and comforting each other just by standing near the other.

And then he muttered, "But really… those damn shorts? Out of all the clothes you have…" and she threw her head back in laughter and he couldn't help but laugh as well because hers was just so infectious.

A blonde paramedic watched the pair from a far and her interest spiked considerably. She didn't know what was so funny, but there was something in both of their eyes that she saw very clearly and she wondered how she had never saw it before, and how long it had been there in the first place… _love_.

She knew they were in for a hell of a ride…

_**When times are hard**_

_**I think of you**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

_**I'll wait for love**_

**Thanks for reading! **

**Their history is getting interesting, and current time someone is on to those two, and we all know Shay is willing to beat the information out of them, lol. **

**Hope you liked this one!**

**Review, Review, Review pretty please.**

**xXx**


	4. They'll Never Know

**A/N: Alright guys here's the chapter some of you have been asking about and making guesses on since day one. I said last chapter this was my favorite, and I was a little off base with that, and after reading you'll probably think I'm crazy. The reason this is my favorite of this story so far is because it shows Matt and Gabby being **_**human**_**. They aren't the people that you have gotten used to being sneaky and what not. While they are still cheating and lying, there is just something much more human and relatable for many people that I've always liked about this one and while the emotions of it were hard to write, it was intriguing as an author to be able to write this and really get to go to the places (emotionally) that these two would be at. This one still makes me cry while reading, and I definitely shed some tears while writing, so let me just apologies in advance and warn some of you more emotional ones to grab the tissues. **

**Thank you once again for the continued support. I'm so glad you are all liking this story and how different it is. It's been a challenging one to write, but so worth it so far. So thank you all for making the writing and all the nerves for posting worth it. **

**(Side note to all my Grey's Anatomy fans that caught the MerDer dialogue in the last chapter. I'm so heartbroken over the last episode of Grey's. MerDer were a part of my inspiration for this story and it's unbelievable to think that an epic love story that lasted over 11 years has come to an end. I'm honestly just so shocked and can't even really believe it's true. While that love story has very sadly come to an end, this one I plan to keep alive for as long as I can.)**

**This song… Just wow. Ross Copperman is a beautiful soul. This song is just heartbreakingly beautiful. It's enough to reduce me to a puddle of tears, but it is just so amazing that I can't NOT listen to it. Check it out everyone. **

_I own nothing. _

Chapter 4: They'll Never Know

Ross Copperman

_**Hush, baby don't cry**_

_**Just get through this night**_

_**Overcome**_

_**Cause all that you are**_

_**Is broken inside**_

_**But they'll never know, they'll never know**_

_They say you're life flashes before your eyes before you die. I have a hard time believing that that is the only time it ever flashes before your eyes. I think you're life flashes before your eyes during the big moments of your life. Like when you get married, when someone close to you dies, when you find out you're going to be a parent. _

_Definitely when you find out you're going to be a parent._

_When Gabby calls Matt at two in the morning he walks out of his bedroom and answers in a whisper and all he can hear are her tears. He's asking her where she is and if she's okay and he tells her he will be there in 20 minutes. _

_When he walks back into his bedroom Hallie turns on the lamp and looks at him with sleep filled eyes as he starts to change into jeans and a sweatshirt. "Everything okay?"_

_He pauses, not sure what to say. "Uh… Yeah, sort of. Uh Severide, you know that guy I met at the fire academy? He had too much to drink, got in a little bar fight, and needs a ride home."_

"_Is he okay?" She questions concerned. _

"_What? Yeah! He's good. I'm just gonna take him home…" He looks at the time again. "You know its real late, I think I'll just crash on his couch, he lives a little bit from here."_

_She nods her head, "That's probably a good idea. I'll see you tomorrow night after my class?" _

_He kisses her cheek and tells her he loves her and then he is out the door and speeding across town to the other girl he loves. _

_He walks into her apartment after using the spare key that she gave him a few months ago and he hollers out her name, but doesn't get a reply. He searches the small apartment and finds her in the bathroom right off from her room. She's sitting leaned up against the tub with her knees up to her chest and her face buried in her hands and she's shaking from all the tears she has clearly let go. _

_He's instantly worried, and a little frightened as well. He leans down in front of her and pulls her into his arms. "Baby, what's wrong? What happened?"_

"_Matt…" She says it so softly and there are still tears in her eyes and on her cheeks and he can hear them in her voice. _

_She pulls away enough from him to meet her eyes and he follows her look to the bathroom counter. _

_And that's when he sees it. The little stick that is going to seal his fate. _

_His mouth falls open in shock and he looks at her in disbelief and a few more tears fall from her eyes. _

"_You… We... Did you…I mean…Gabs….Baby…?" His voice trails off and there is a glimmer of something in his eye that she has never saw before when he finally asks softly. "Are we?"_

_She nods her head and more tears fall from her eyes and then his do too and she knows she has surely messed this all up. "I'm sorry Matt, I'm so sorry… I didn't…"_

"_Whoa, whoa, what are you apologizing for you crazy girl?" He whispers running his hands through her hair and letting his forehead fall to hers. "Gabby you have _nothing_ to be sorry for. Okay?" _

_She only nods, and she's not sure what else to say. She's carrying his baby and he's engaged to someone that isn't her and everything is a mess. And then he gives her the biggest smile she has ever saw on his face and he's leaning back into the wall and pulling her onto his lap so she can straddle his legs. She gives him a curious look and he pays her no attention as he lifts her tank top up and looks at her still very flat stomach in awe then timidly rests his hand on top of it. _

"_Hey there little buddy." He says so softly that she almost doesn't hear him, but she does and tears are instantly falling from her eyes and they are no longer scared tears but happy tears. She loves this man. She loves every bit of him, so damn much. _

_**Don't think that they'll change**_

_**They push you away**_

_**Far from home**_

_**Cause all that they are**_

_**Is broken inside **_

_**But they'll never know, they'll never know**_

_They have a doctor's appointment 4 days later that confirms it all for them and they both have beaming smiles when the doctor says congratulation._

_Gabby is the one who decides that they shouldn't say anything to anyone, including Hallie, until after the first trimester, and when she explains her reasoning's he can't help put comply, though he tells her in no uncertain terms that everything is going to be okay, and she shouldn't worry so much. _

_Matt spends more time at Gabby's apartment than he ever has before, and for the first time since all this started over two years ago he has a hard time feeling guilty about it. They are bringing a baby into this world. While an engagement is big, a baby is bigger. And he will never ever regret his child. He is ecstatic about this baby, even if it isn't in the most stable of times. He is excited and he can't wait to be a father, and he can't wait to watch Gabby be a mother because he knows she will be amazing. He can already see it in her in the way she will let her hand come to rest on her stomach in a protective way. How she lights up any time the baby is brought up, and how she religiously takes her prenatal vitamins. It's in the way she is already half way through a 'what to expect when you're expecting' book and she has only found out she is expecting weeks ago. She's already started to secretly look at baby names and think about baby room colors –he found a magazine in her dresser drawer the other day-, and it's how she is watching her diet carefully because she insists that she is going to do everything by the book._

_He falls in love with her all over again every time she says something about the baby and when they are a week out from the mark that puts her into her second trimester he notices it. It's small, barely their honestly. But there is a little baby bump on his girl and he thinks he's going to cry of pure joy from the sight. He has always wanted a family, always wanted a baby. It's not something he and Hallie ever really talked about. He has mentioned it once and she told him she wanted to get herself established as a doctor before she thought about kids. He knew they were still quite a few years out from that, he was already 24, which left him wondering how long it would take her to be established as a doctor. _

_He doesn't much care right now though. _

_Gabby just called and told him she was officially in the second trimester, and next week they would have their appointment and then they could come clean once it was official. _

_He wanted to come clean now, he didn't want to wait. Knowing Gabby was pregnant, he never wanted to be away from her, not that he had before either, but now all he wanted to do was sit in her apartment and let his hand rest on her little growing stomach and talk about baby names and paint colors and the ins and outs of parenthood. He's really damn excited to be a dad. _

_Gabby convinced him not to say anything yet, not until the appointment. He agreed, because he was pretty sure he would do anything that girl told him to do. What she didn't tell him was that she really was just trying to extend the time of them being the only two knowing. Their entire relationship had been a secret and now this was their secret and she was actually really enjoying being in their little secret pregnancy bubble. She was happy, happier than she could ever imagine being and it felt really damn good. _

_**Don't you cry, tonight**_

_**Rest your weary eyes**_

_**Cause all that you are**_

_**Is broken inside**_

_**It's nothing you can change**_

_**It's nothing you could hide**_

_**It's nothing you could hide**_

He shows up at her door that day after a rather gruesome shift the day before. It's early morning and he knows that Hallie will be at work, not that he much cares, their fighting has hit an all-time high over the past weeks and he really is just tired of it all. He knows Gabby will want to just relax and sleep this day away, but he can't let her do that alone. He won't let her be alone today, they've spent too many days alone, hundreds of miles apart, on this day and this year will not be one of them. He has a thought in his head that maybe another year will never go by where they _aren't_ together, and he hopes that thought is true.

He's brought a bottle of wine, and a bottle of tequila because he's not really sure on what kind of mood she will be in. To slightly dull the ache, or to just completely forget about the day all together.

He's brought her favorite funny movies because he knows they will both need a good laugh, and he has her favorite ice cream and candy in his bag. He also has a sack of breakfast food in to go containers from their favorite coffee shop around the corner and ordered her favorite.

When she opens the door she's already changed out of her work clothes and is only in shorts and a tee shirt… his tee shirt. He flashes her his best smile and holds his hands up in an almost shrug to show off all the goods he has and she thinks her heart does a summer sault, and she really feels like she could cry right there and then.

They never made plans to be together today. Nothing was said the days before or that morning before they left work, and it had made her wonder if he forgot, which really made her want to be mad at him. But now he was standing here at her door without being asked and without making plans, because he knew she would need him, even if she didn't admit it. He's standing there and he's looking as close to perfect as a guy could get holding all her favorite things in his hands and she realized _he_ was really her favorite thing. She scolded herself for thinking something so utterly cheesy and she opened her door wider to let him in.

He kissed her forehead as he passed and made his way to the kitchen and he had barely sat the bags down before she was launching herself into his arms and he was holding her close as her tears soaked his shirt. He didn't know how long they stood in her kitchen, holding each other, comforting each other, but he didn't mind.

When her stomach growled loudly after her tears had subsided and she was simply still in his arms just to be in his arms he laughed and asked her if she wanted to eat the breakfast he had brought now. She had nodded and started to grab the plates and two glasses of orange juice as he took the food from the bag and popped it in the microwave.

She walked over to him from across her kitchen and this time when she launched herself into his arms she kissed him gently and whispered his three favorite words on his lips before she pulled away. He whispered them back and he kissed her again, and then they were off eating breakfast and watching '_Dumb and Dumber_', because she insisted that it had to be first, he wouldn't argue, he was just happy to see her smiling.

Halfway through the movie she reached across the couch and rest her hand on his, pulling his attention to her.

"Thanks Matt…" She whispered, her voice soft and sincere.

"For what?" He questioned.

"Everything…"

He leans over and kisses her forehead and they snuggle into each other's arms because they both need the comfort.

They drink far too much that night, eat far too much junk food, and they talk about anything and everything and they cry far more tears than any humans should be capable of producing. Neither question how it can still hurt so much after so long, because there is no real answer to that question; they're pretty sure they will still have this reaction to this day for years to come.

They both just hope they are together to get through it.

Gabby has a feeling that with Matt by her side she can get through anything.

Matt has the exact same feeling.

_**Pink flowers and bows**_

_**Is all you should know**_

_**And summer days**_

_Gabby drove herself to the small clinic a few towns over for her appointment because Matt had his final firefighter exam that day and wouldn't have time to run to pick her up and get them both to the doctor's appointment on time, so he would meet her there. _

_She sent him a text when she got there and wasn't surprised when she didn't get a message back before she was called to a room by one of the nurses, he would be driving and he usually never texted and drove. _

_She walked into the small hospital room with a big smile on her face, knowing that today would change her life. They'd hear their baby's heart beat and it would all be real, and by the end of the night there would be no more secrets. _

_The doctor came in quicker than she expected, and she was disappointed that Matt wasn't there yet when they started to prep her, but she didn't say as much. She was too excited. _

_The doctor asked her the usual questions, was she taking her prenatal vitamins, eating right, what she wanted to have, blah blah blah, and Gabby was aware that he was only trying to cut them some time for Matt to get there. But when they made small talk for 10 minutes and Matt still wasn't there yet she told the doctor to go ahead and he could just make the next one. The doctor gave her a sympathetic look and she realized how disappointed her own voice had sounded. _

_Gabby pulled her shirt up and the doctor put the cool jell on her stomach and used the wand to spread it around as she searched for the heartbeat, pushing a few buttons and moving the wand around slowly again. _

_The doctor pushed a few more buttons before giving Gabby a soft smile. "Let me go grab Dr. Nash." _

_She left the room and Gabby felt the worry creep into her. "Come on Matt…" She whispered to the empty room, really needing him here right now. She looked down at the little bump to her stomach. "Hey sweetie, what's going on in there, huh?" She said softly letting her fingers dance across her stomach. _

_**Cause all that you are**_

_**Is beautiful child**_

_**But they'll never know**_

_**They'll never know**_

_Dr. Nash came in and introduced himself before turning back to the machine that the previous doctor had been at. He clicked a few buttons and grabbed the wand moving it slowly around her stomach before wiping the gel off of her. _

"_Ms. Dawson… I'm so sorry…"_

"_No…" She whimpered tears immediately filling her features and cascading down her checks. _

_The doctor went on to explain the medical side of things, how it was more common than what most people thought. That it didn't mean that she couldn't have children, or she couldn't try again. He explained the medicine for her to take afterwards and many other things that she blocked out, though she was sure she needed to know them. _

_But all she could hear was the word miscarriage and it was the only word that was sticking out for her. _

_And just like that her world was crashing down around her. The world her and Matt had dreamed up with their baby was crashing around them. _

_Her baby was gone… _

_And she was alone…_

_Gabby spent another hour at the clinic before she was sent home and the whole time Matt never showed, and she never bothered to check her phone as she got into her car and broke down in the parking lot of the clinic. _

_She drove home and she vaguely heard her phone ringing in her purse, but she couldn't bring herself to answer it. _

_She drove home and once she was there she walked straight to her room and she looked into the bathroom. The place that she had found out she was pregnant. The place Matt had found her and comforted her and told her how excited he was too have a baby with her. Where was he now?_

_The tears came hard and fast and the sobs were choking her and taking her breathe away and she collapsed onto the bed, curling herself into a ball as she cried. Cried for the baby she lost. Cried for Matt, because he lost it too. Cried for Hallie because she was such a silent victim in all of this, she had no idea. Cried for the baby that would never take its first breath. That was gone before it was ever really there. And she cried for herself. Because she really had no idea where to go from here. _

_**So, don't you cry, tonight**_

_**Rest your precious eyes**_

_**Cause all that you are**_

_**Is beautiful child**_

_Matt rushed to his car as he looked at his watch and was already heading in the direction of the clinic before he even saw what time it was, but cursed once he did. 3 hours. He was 3 hours late for their appointment. His fire test had ran longer than they expected. They were supposed to go in alphabetical order, -Casey- he would be one of the first, but that wasn't the case. He had been close to last and he knew from the moment things were called out of order that he was going to be missing that appointment. _

_When he realized the time he pulled over and pulled out his phone. _

_One text from Hallie saying she was going to her sisters for the night to baby sit, be back tomorrow. _

_A missed call and a voicemail from a number he didn't recognize. _

_Two texts from Gabby. One saying she was leaving her apartment to go to the clinic. The other saying she was at the clinic; that she couldn't wait to hear their little buddy's heartbeat. _

_He smiled at that message, but couldn't help the concern that he felt when he called Gabby's phone, only for it to go to voice mail. He tried again, voicemail again. _

_He dialed his voicemail and listened as a warm motherly tone sounded. "Mr. Casey, this is Dr. Anderson. I uh, I'm calling on regards of Gabriella Dawson. You are her emergency contact at the clinic." There was a pause and Casey really wasn't liking this voicemail at all. What was wrong with Gabby? "Mr. Casey I'm so sorry." No. "Gabriella came in today for her appointment and I'm sorry to say that she uh, she lost the baby. She's still with us now, she could use a friend here she's…" Casey dropped the phone, his hands shaking just as much as his bottom lip. _

_This wasn't happening. This was some cruel trick. This couldn't be happening. _

_He couldn't breathe. _

_His baby… Their baby… It was gone…_

_Gabby. _

_He sped off in the direction of her apartment, somehow just knowing that she would be there. Glad he was right as he pulled up and flew out of his car and up her steps. Her door was unlocked and he saw her purse set in the middle of the hall. He walked slowly into her bedroom and the sight nearly broke his heart. _

_Gabby lay in a ball on the bed with tear stains on her cheeks, her nose was red and her eyes were the same and puffy, but the thing that broke his heart most was the little brown bear that was clutched in her small hands to her chest. The bear that he had picked out one morning and brought to her, seeing it in the store and no being able to leave without it. She had laughed and told him that the baby wouldn't be here for another 7 months, but he didn't care, and neither had she. The bear had been sitting on her dresser ever since. Waiting for the arrival of the baby that would now never be. _

_He breaks down in tears that he's not even sure he should be allowed to cry, and he leaves the room and goes to sit on the couch as he tries to get ahold of himself. He doesn't want to wake her, but he doesn't want her to be alone when she wakes up either. She's been alone enough today and he knows he will never forgive himself for that. _

_He starts crying again because this all such a mess. Their baby is gone and he wasn't there for her. He's sure she will never forgive him and he can't say he'd blame her. This was supposed to be a happy day. They were supposed to hear their baby's heartbeat and then they were supposed to come clean of it all, and now none of those things is happening and he feels so lost. He wants to hold Gabby in his arms and feel like there is something left for him on this earth, but the loss of the baby that never was has him feeling like there isn't, and there never will be. _

_**It's nothing you could change**_

_**It's nothing you could hide**_

_**It's nothing you should hide**_

"_What are you doing here?"_

_He jumps up from the couch and turn around to see her standing there staring back at him. "Gabby…" He whispers, because she knows why he's here. Where else could he be right now. _

_She looks at him for a minute before turning to the kitchen. "I want you to leave." Her voice holds more strength than they both know that she is feeling and he shakes his head in disbelief. _

"_Don't do this Gabby… please don't do this right now." He pleads with her softly because they are both too emotionally drained for a fight and he knows they will say things they regret, and he really doesn't want her pushing him away right now. _

"_Don't do what Matt?! Kick you out so I can deal with this on my own? I've been doing pretty fine on my own so far today haven't I!?" Her voice raises and echo's off the walls of the tiny apartment and he sees her visibly shaking and the tears he was holding in slip down his cheeks and he watches as hers fall as well. He notices her knuckles turning white from the tight grip she has on the counter and he's sure it's the only thing holding her up right now. _

_She shakes her head and her long black hair falls in front of her face and a strangled sob leaves her lips. "Where were you…?" Her voice trails off and another sob leaves her lips and he's at her side pulling her into his arms and holding her up, because he's here now, he's here and she doesn't have to do it on her own anymore. _

_She struggle against him and she's pushing and slapping and hollering at him to let her go, but he holds her as tight as he can (without hurting her) and her words are hitting him harder than her tiny bunched up fists do. "Where were you…" She cries. "Where were you when I was sitting in the waiting room… Where were you when the doctor was staring at me with those damn sympathetic eyes and tried to look for a heartbeat that wasn't there…" They are both crying desperate tears and she's gripping onto his shirt to hold herself up as she wails. "Where were you when I needed you… and where were you when they were telling me our baby was gone?!" They collapse to the floor in a mess of tear and wails and she's finally stop hitting him and is instead clinging to him for dear life because he's now all she has left. _

_Their baby is gone and their both grieving. They share this. This over powering sense of loss. They share it. They always will. It will be the thing that will forever connect them because together they made something and together they lost it, and together they need to grieve to get past it. _

"_I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…" He mutters into her hair as they cling to each other in a heap on the kitchen floor. Their tears mingle together and their sobs drowning out the others. _

_This is it. This was the day that changed everything. That changed their lives forever. _

_They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die… Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. _

_But I'm positive that your life flashes before your eyes at all the big moments. Your wedding day. When you lose someone close to you. When you become a parent. _

_And when you find out that you're going to have a baby… but you don't _have_ that baby._

_You're life flashes before your eyes pretty quick, not in a sense of all things you did, but of all the things you'll now never get to do…_

_**Cause all that you are**_

_**Is beautiful child**_

_**But they'll never now**_

_**They'll never know**_

**So a lot of you saw it coming (which was kind of the point) and I hope I did it justice to what your expectations were. **

**Next one is going to jump ahead a little bit in current time, and quite a bit in past time, but I promise the past time will go back to fill in the blanks. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Review, Review, Review please!**

**xXx**


	5. In My Veins

**A/N: I'm not even going to comment on the PD/SVU part of the crossover this week cause… just HOLY CRAP… that's all I can manage about it. But anyways, the CF part of it was amazing and I loved watching Dawson be a bad ass on that call and Casey be so worried for her. The path back to Dawsey is shaping up wonderfully. All that flirting going on, I thought I was back in season 1 and 2 to be honest. But I'm freaking out over this Casey/Voight storyline coming up and what all this means for my main man on the show. This season finale is going to be insane with Casey and Dawsey. **

**But really, on with the story now. This one skips ahead in the flashbacks. Last chapter ended the flashback with them just losing their baby (sorry for the emotional attack, btw) and this chapters flashbacks are skipping ahead to 6 years later to their first meeting again when Dawson comes to 51. The next chapter's flashbacks will explain more of the history in between all those years, so it will jump back in time more. (I'm confusing, I know.) I hope all this is still easy to keep up with! **

**Thank you for all the review you lovely souls, you make my day all day every day. **

**Oh, P.S. remember Shay? Yeah, she's still onto these two… **

**(This song is amazing. Andrew Belle is everything. His voice… heaven. And this song just fits in well with the emotions of this one. Check it out!)**

_I own nothing._

Chapter 5: In My Veins  
Andrew Belle

_**Nothing goes as planned  
Everything will break  
People say goodbye  
In their own special way  
All that you rely on  
And all that you can fake  
Will leave you in the morning  
But find you in the day**_

Shay has been watching the two friends closely over the past few weeks. She's trying to convince herself that Gabby's weird behavior and the look in each other's eyes from the picnic is all just in her head. That it was just a look between two best friends. They were best friends after all. They'd practically acted like they hated each other the first two weeks of Dawson joining 51, but after that they'd started a slow friendship. And then their friendship grew and they were thick as thieves.

Shay always joked that there was crazy sexual tension between the two and that Dawson had a major crush on Casey, but that didn't mean that the look of love Shay had seen pass between the two meant anything. Right?

They were just friends. That was all. Shay shook her head. She was working this up to be more than it was. She had to be. She'd known Gabby almost all her life. They were best friends throughout middle school and into their high school years. They'd lived on other sides of the state once they graduated high school and never got to spend much time together after high school ended, but they still were best friends even back then. They told each other everything. And when Dawson disappeared for 6 years after college Shay was upset, but when she reappeared over a year ago and said she was moving back to Chicago and was getting a placement at Shay's firehouse, Shay had been ecstatic.

She'd welcomed her friend back with open arms, and before their first shift Gabby had told her a shortened version of the events that made her leave the city and not look back for so many years. Messed up relationship in college. She had a miscarriage. She and the guy had some troubles, she left town.

Dawson never gave her any details and when Shay asked she wasn't willing to get in to it. She would only say that it was all still too hard to talk about. Shay had understood and not pushed it. She knew Dawson was hard to read most days. She closed herself off to a lot of people and never really let anyone in. Shay was usually the exception to that, but there were just some things people couldn't talk about, and Shay just assumed that one day when Dawson was ready she would tell her more about it. Dawson just didn't open up to people well.

So when the blonde Lieutenant was let into Dawson's life so easily after only a couple weeks of knowing each other Shay had wondered. But after a year of friendship with the blonde Shay had left it alone. She figured Dawson was a big girl and could handle herself. But she still always wondered if there was something more between the brunette and the blonde man.

For as long as Shay had known Casey he'd been with Hallie. First engaged, and then married. She'd been at their wedding. She knew Matt loved Hallie, but the looks he had given Dawson were enough to make Shay question everything. She didn't know how she didn't notice those looks before, she was usually so attentive when it came to those two. But the looks they threw each other at the fire barbecue weeks ago had been so much more than friends.

Shay had been keeping a close eye on them ever since.

She watched them now out on the apparatus floor as they played with Pouch on the ground. They looked happy. Really genuinely happy. Shay also took note that they looked like a couple. A real couple, more so than they did friends. She wondered if she was the only one who had taken notice to this, but she assumed she was, and she had to wonder if this was all in her head.

But when Dawson threw her head back in laughter and Casey looked on at her lovingly she knew she wasn't just seeing things. And when Casey stood up from the ground and reached a hand out to Dawson to pull her up, their hands lingering together for a little longer than necessary and Casey's hand resting far too low on Dawson's back, Shay knew there was more to the story than the two were letting on.

_**Oh, you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
Oh, you're all I taste  
At night inside my mouth  
Oh, you run away  
'Cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out**_

"_Okay everyone listen up." Shay hollered walking into the common room with Dawson trailing timidly behind her. _

_All of the guys turned to look at the blonde quizzically. Severide's eyes falling on the brunette behind her immediately. "Hey Shay who's your friend?" He tried asking innocently. Shay saw that Severide look in his eye right away and sent him a glare, she was not about to let _that_ happen between her best friend and old friend. _

_She ignored Severide and turned back to Dawson throwing her arms out to show her off. "This my dear friends is our new PIC, and an old friend of mine, sent from the paramedic Gods might I add, Gabriella Dawson." _

_Gabby blushed profusely and was then passed around for handshakes and introductions. _

_Gabby was laughing along with Mills and Otis, enjoying the guys company already, when Shay called out, "Hey, Casey!"_

_Gabby's body went rigid as she heard the name. _No, it couldn't be.

"_Lieutenant Casey, this is our new PIC Gabby Dawson." Shay said as Casey came into the room to see what all the hype he could hear from his office was about. He froze in his place as he watched the all too familiar woman turn around. _

_Both stood staring at each other, neither knowing what to do or say. _

_Shay cleared her throat, not sure what had the two so star struck. They both seemed to fall back into reality and Casey stepped forward extending his hand. "It's uh, it's nice to meet you." He said softly. _

_Gabby nodded politely, clearing her throat. "You too." _

_Casey brought his coffee cup up to his lips and that's when she noticed it. Her eyes went wide with shock that she knew probably shouldn't be there. It'd been 4 years since she last saw him after all, but the shiny metal that now sat on his ring finger staring back at her still stung. _

_She tried to mask the hurt that flashed across her face, but Casey noticed it right away, and he mentally cursed himself. His eyes met her and she looked away with tears clouding her vision and walked to the coffee pot. _

_She'd left this city 6 years ago to get away with this man, and while she had had one run in with him 4 years ago when she'd been back for Christmas, she hadn't seen him since. She thought she was done with him. That she would never have to see those blue eyes and that blonde hair and hear that amazing gruff voice ever again. She hadn't ever wanted to face him again. She had wanted to forget those years of her life and act like they never happened. She wanted to forget all the heart ache he had caused her and just plain forget about him. _

_She'd moved back to the city in hopes of never seeing him. She'd missed the place she had use to call home and she'd missed her family. She'd come home to be with them again. Because she missed her home._

_Now all she wanted to do was pack all her bags back up and fly back to New York and never return to this city again. _

_She's taken out of her thoughts when the blonde man that consumes the majority of them slides up beside her and pours himself a coffee. His own excuse to be close to her. _

"_You're here." He says, shock evident in his voice. He thought he'd never see her again. The girl who stole his heart so many years ago. She was here. She was back. And he would be seeing her nearly every day. _

_She nods and sends him a look. "And you're married." She whispers, and he hears the hurt in her voice and has to close his eyes to block out all the thoughts of her that swarm through his head. _

_He nods gently. "For 2 years now." He says almost regrettably, and she smile softly at him, but there is once again tears swimming in her eyes that she really hates. He hates them just as much. _

"_Congrats." She whispers and she's walking away from him quickly. Needing to put some distance between them as she makes her way to the locker rooms. _

_He wants to follow her, to make sure she is okay. To explain things. To ask her why she left him in that hotel room 4 years ago. To ask her why she left town 6 years ago, though he knows that answer and has just never wanted to accept it. To ask her why she is back. He wants to comfort her and tell her about on his wedding day how he couldn't get her out of his mind. How he pictured dark brown curls and caramel skin and deep brown eyes across from him. How he dreams about her almost nightly. He wants to ask her if she missed him as much as he has missed her. He wants to know if she thinks about him as much as he thinks about her. And he really wants to know if she still loves him… just as much as he still loves her. As much as he will always love her. _

_He shouldn't be thinking any of these things. He's got a wife at home and he's happy with her. He vowed 2 years ago that he would stop thinking of the girl that broke his heart and he would devote himself to the girl that he was supposed to be devoting himself too for the past nearly 7 years._

_He wonders if their will ever be a day that those brown curls and brown eyes and brown skin don't haunt his every thought. _

_He's missed her. So much more than he should. _

_He feels a sense of excitement at knowing she will be a permanent fixture in this house. That he will be seeing her every day. _

_And boy is he in trouble. _

_**Everything will change**_

_**Nothing stays the same**_

_**Nobody here's perfect  
Oh, but everyone's to blame  
Oh, all that you rely on  
And all that you can save  
Will leave you in the morning  
And find you in the day**_

The water is warm and inviting, and his arms are just the same, but the situation is oh so dangerous.

Her back is pressed to cool tiled wall and his chest is pressed tightly to hers, his bare body holding her up against the walls as he presses kisses to her neck and she bits his shoulder to hold in her moan at the feel of him against her.

The water cascades down around them from the shower stall and feels just as amazing as the woman in his arms. His mouth travels from her neck to her jaw and he kisses her heatedly, his tongue sliding into her mouth and wrestling hers for dominance as his hips buck into hers.

It's dangerous. Sleeping together at 51 is always dangerous. But at least in his office there is a locked door separating them from prying eyes. The shower room, not so much.

It wasn't planned, it usually never is, and he'd walked into the showers intent on taking a single shower to clean himself of the soot from the call they'd been on. All the guys had already done so and made their way back to the common room and he'd just finished up his paper work when he entered the shower room to take his own shower.

He hadn't expected to hear a familiar humming from the shower, but once he did he couldn't help himself. It'd only been a few days since he had been with her last, but he couldn't stop himself when he snuck his towel off and draped it over hers and threw his boxers to the ground before stepping into the shower and wrapping his arms around her from behind. She'd squealed in surprise and he'd turned her around and had her backed up against the wall before she could protest.

Not that she ever would.

She'd called him crazy, they could be caught so easily, but when his lips hit hers and his hands ran down her body she was doing anything but complaining.

20 minutes later, there wasn't a single complaint on her mind as he brought her to her peek. Hitting spots only he knew how too and pushing her over the edge. Swallowing her moans as she did the same back as he hit his own peek inside of her.

His head falling to rest in the crook of her neck as she breathed heavily into his chest. Trying to calm themselves. He slowly let her feet hit the ground and immediately misses the contact of having that smooth flesh wrapped around his waist.

His hand rest lazily on her hips as he trails gentle kisses along her collarbone. "God, I love you." He whispers once his lips hit the shell of her ear.

She smiles softly and whisper those three words back. They'd been saying them more lately. Almost daily. Neither tiring of them after so much time spent of trying to deny it. So much time of trying to deny that this meant so much more than just sex. It did, of course it did, and it felt so amazing to be able to say them.

They'd both always felt them. And while actions speak louder than words, it was amazing to actually hear the words instead of just seeing the actions.

He kisses her neck and she giggles softly and hums in appreciation and seriously thinks about having him one more time before they end this shower. She's about to say as much when she hears the door open and her body tenses and her eyes widen.

"Dawson?" Shay's voice calls out and she is positive they've been caught. She hears the footsteps getting closer and she puts her hand over Matt's mouth as he crouches down in the corner of the shower. She cautiously peeks her head out just as Shay comes into view.

"Yeah?"

Shay quirks a brow at her tense look. "Uh, you almost done in here? It's been like 40 minutes… I thought you wanted to go fill the ambo before another call."

Dawson nods quickly. "Yeah, yeah sure. Um, I'll be out in a couple minutes. Must've just lost track of time." She feels Matt smirk underneath her hand and has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. He was so full of himself.

Shay nods, but she can sense something is off. "Yeah sure… you sure you're alright?" She questions warily.

Dawson nods and answers quickly. "Yeah, I'm fine Shay." She smiles sweetly and inwardly cringes, she loves her friend, but she'd love her even more if she would leave right now.

Shay nods softly and turns to leave and Dawson closes the shower curtain and waits to hear the door close.

Shay heads for the door, but not before catching sight of the black boxer briefs resting beneath Dawson's clothes.

Her eyes widen as she looks back at the now closed shower stall and seriously debates ripping the curtain open.

No. They wouldn't. Casey loves Hallie. Dawson wouldn't allow it to happen.

They wouldn't. It was just looks she had seen.

She swiftly walks to the door and lets it fall shut behind her, taking a deep breath to calm her racing mind and heart.

It was all in her head.

Maybe they were Peter's boxers. He had a thing for Dawson from day one. Or Severide. They'd all made comments about the brunette's looks. It wouldn't be Casey. It couldn't be.

They were just friends.

But when she walks by Matt's office and doesn't spot him there she takes off for the common room where she spots the rest of the house. Mills behind the counter, Kelly at the table. Capp, Tony, Otis, Cruz, Mouch, Hermann, Mills, Severide… They are all here.

"Hey, you guys seen Casey?" She questions them all warily.

They all shake their heads, but Mouch pipes up.

"Nah, I think the Lieutenants in his office."

Shay shakes her head and takes a seat at the table, her mind moving a mile a minute.

What the hell did she just walk in on? What did she just get herself into?

When Dawson walks out to the common room 10 minutes later she smiles at Shay and makes her way to the ambo and the blonde girl trails behind. She doesn't miss the red mark on Dawson's collar bone, and she doesn't miss the fact that when she looks down the hall Casey is just entering his office.

She doesn't miss the happy smile on Dawson's face either.

She's thoroughly confused and a little agitated, and a little disappointed if she is being honest.

She had no idea what is going on between the two or how long it's been going on, but she knows she needs to catch them in the act, not confront either of them about it. That would surely just make them both defensive and angry, especially Dawson. She plasters on a smile and acts like nothing is happening and like she knows nothing as her and Dawson head off to get gas.

But she can't shake the thought that things are about to get pretty crazy and really messy for everyone involved.

_**Oh, you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
Oh, you're all I taste  
At night inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away  
'Cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
(No, I cannot get you out)**_

_**(No, I cannot get you) **_

_She spends the first two week of her time at 51 ignoring him. They speak on calls and she is a complete professional, and he ends up realizing he is impressed with her work. Shay was right when she said she was a Paramedic-gift-from-the-Gods. She was damn good at her job, and he was pretty sure he fell a little more in love with her at that realization. _

_It's a silent running joke between the men of 51 that Casey pissed off the new girl. She's all bright and shiny and the girl he use to know around all of the guys and Shay, but she barely looks his way. It's a defense mechanism, he knows. But it doesn't hurt any less. _

_They have history, and he is aware that she has put her walls up around him because she doesn't want that history to get out, nor does she want to relive it. He can't blame her for that really, but it's killing him to be around her so much but to never talk to her. To not know how her life is going. To not know how her life has been in the years they've spent apart. He wants to know her again. He wants to know her and feel the connection that he once felt because it's the realist thing he has ever felt in his life and he hasn't experienced that feeling for years now. _

_She avoids him. She avoids him because it's easier than acknowledging the fact that they have such a complicated past. One that she is sure he wants some answers too. She avoids him because he promised to always love her 6 years ago and now he's married so what the hell do promises mean anymore? She avoids him because 4 years ago they slept together and he promised her things that she knew he couldn't back up, he'd never been able too after all, and she left the next morning without a word and she is still regretting that decision, but she'll never let him know that. _

_She avoids him because it was supposed to be them. She was supposed to get the white dress and the ring on her finger and the vows of eternal love. It was supposed to be her and it was supposed to be them and she is having a really hard time letting that go and seeing him with that damn ring on his finger that has nothing at all to do with her hurts like hell. _

_He handed her a coffee cup the other day and when the metal of his ring scraped against her hand she was practically running from the room to stop the tears that threatened to fall. She knew in a roundabout way it was her own fault. She left him 6 years ago after they lost their baby and when they had a chance meeting 2 years after that she left him again. _

_She could've begged him to stay. She could have told him she loved him and she wanted him forever. She could've told him so many things and she didn't and she has been regretting every chance missed and opportunity never taken since the moment they happened. _

_It's so much easier to avoid him than to admit any of those things to him because he's married and he has a wife and it is just so unfair to let his wife unknowingly go through it all again. _

_She vowed from the moment that she saw Matt Casey again two weeks ago that she wouldn't give in to him. She wouldn't be that girl again. She couldn't be. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to his… wife. Even the word sounded bitter in her head. _

_It's after a call that had the two of them in a heated battle of wills and the rest of the firehouse looking on confused that cracks the tough exterior she had put up._

_They get back from the call and he's in his office with the blinds drawn still fuming from their argument. He'd made a call about a patient that she didn't agree with. He'd pulled rank and gotten his way and they'd ended in a short screaming match, the tension of the past two and a half weeks becoming too much and the two of them finally reaching a boiling point. They'd been separated and left to send glares at each other from a across the scene before she had the patient loaded and headed to Chicago Med. _

_But now she was back from Chicago Med and she was ready to give him a piece of her mind. She stomps into his office and slams the door without bothering to knock and she's screaming at him before he can even recollect what is even happening. Her words are harsh and out of line and when he stands from his chair to yell back at her his words and tone match hers. _

_By the time they both stop yelling long enough to catch their breaths; both of their chest are heaving and they are both fired up. He stares her down and she does the same to him and seconds later he has her pinned up against the door and his tongue in her mouth and he's completely forgotten what they were arguing about. It'd been years since he'd had his lips on hers and his body pressed into hers and he has no idea how he waited that long. When he pulls away and trails kisses down her neck he smirks when she lets out a moan of his name. _

_God he missed her. _

_Her lips find his again and then trail down his jaw and he whisper three words that have her tensing and pushing him away harshly. _

_No. _

_He can't feel those things. He doesn't. He's married and he has a wife. He doesn't love her. He can't. _

_She shakes her head and he doesn't miss the tears that are clouding her eyes as she puts her hands up to stop him from moving closer to her. _

"_I can't do this again Matt… I can't." She whispers softly and the tears trail down her cheeks. When she lets the door fall shut behind her he lets his own salty tears fall and collapses back into the chair behind him. She was walking away from them once again and he knew he had no right to be disappointed in that, he had no right to kiss her in the first place._

_What the hell just happened?_

_**Everything is dark**_

_**It's more than you can take**_

_**But you catch a glimpse of sun light**_

_**Shining, shining down on your face**_

_**Your face**_

_**Oh your face  
**_

_For 2 months they slowly build a friendship. They don't talk about the kiss. They don't talk about the past. They don't talk about anything that means anything at all really. But they've come to a silent mutual agreement to be civil at work. _

_She'll pour him a coffee if he is near her and his cup is near empty and he'll return the favor. They'll talk along with the guys in the common room and even on nights out with the 51 family at the bars. _

_She joins in with Otis and Hermann on opening a bar, she defends herself when they all give her hell and say it will be a terrible mistake, that she is the new girl and doesn't know what she is getting in to, and Matt helps with the construction and somehow they manage to spend time together alone without hashing out the past or ripping each other's clothes off. _

_She meets his wife in those two months and she really hates how nice she seems to be because it would make facing her and thinking of all the secrets that are being kept from her easier if she was some rude girl that no one liked. _

_In truth it's obvious many of the men of 51 aren't the fondest of her, she's seen a few eye roles and caught on quickly. But she regrettably thinks Hallie is nice, and she hates how bitter it makes her to see the two of them happy. But she also feels a small accomplishment when she sees the smile Matt wears with his wife. Its big, but it's not near as full and genuine as the one's she has witnessed from him, and there isn't near as much of a twinkle in his eyes that she is use to and she wants to hate herself for noticing all of this and she wants to hate him for settling for not being as happy as she knows he could be. And she really hates how selfish and petty that sounds, but she knows it is all true. _

_No one questions when she has far too many beers that night and gets a little sloppier drunk than what any of them has ever witnessed. Shay and Kelly drive her home and she hates that she feels his lingering eyes on her as she leaves, just as she had all night. She hates that her eyes lingered on him all night as well. _

_She hates the way he still makes her feel. How he can make her feel so many things at once. Hate and love and lust and disgust and she doesn't even know what else. There are just far too many emotions that he sends coursing through her and she hates all of it. _

_She hates that he is married and she hates that he is always looking at her with those big blue loving eyes and she hates that she still loves him so much. She hates that she feels like he is her soulmate and that they are meant to be and she hates that she feels like she will never find anyone else in the world that will make her feel the way he does._

_She really hates that she loves him and that hating him is impossible. _

_It's the shift after that night at Molly's opening, two months since they shared that kiss in his office that everything changes. _

_Dawson gets gunned down while working on a patient and all the guys are stuck outside the building during the hostage negotiation. Shay had ran out to get a back board and when the guy was alone with Dawson for those few moment he pulled the gun and trapped Dawson inside alone. _

_No one questions when Casey becomes frantic in his worry for her. They are all confused, but no one questions it. The two had become friends after all. _

_It all ends when Dawson is able to coax the guy to one of the windows and the CPD is able to get a clear shot and take the guy out. When Shay and Casey reach Dawson she is visibly shaking and there are unshed tears in her eyes and a bruise on her neck in the shape of a hand and a cut on her forehead and Casey's blood boils. Shay is completely shocked when Casey rushes past her and pulls Dawson into his arms, and just as shocked when Dawson wraps her arms tightly around the Lieutenant that they all had thought she hated only 2 months prior. Shay doesn't question it, she figures near death experiences do that to a person. You don't care who it is you just cling to the comfort. _

_Oh how wrong sweet Shay is. _

_When Casey shows up at Dawson's door late that night she's shocked to see him, but she's more shocked at just how relieved she feels to see him. _

_She is still a little scared from being hauled up in a room with a man twice her size that didn't appreciate her sarcastic wit and sassiness and pushed her around a little more than she cared to admit to the police or paramedics who had her go through the details of the few hours she experienced alone with the gunman. _

_He stands in her doorway silently for a moment, taking her in. She's in a tank top and shorts and her bruises from her ordeal are visible. The angry bruise around her neck that once again has his blood boiling. The hand prints on her upper arms. The bruise and cut on her forehead from where she says she hit the coffee table when he pushed her down during a struggle. _

_There is a few scratches on her arms and a bruise on her thigh. All he really needed tonight was to see her. To make sure she was okay. Looking at her now he knows she is far from it. She's hurt, and scared, but she is a warrior and he loves that about her. _

_In truth he just loves everything about her. He. Loves. Her. _

_He takes a tentative step forward and she grabs his hand and pulls him to her the rest of the way and he smiles softly when he leans down to press his lips into hers. _

_They tumble back into the apartment and he lets the door fall closed behind him and is a little shocked in which the fever she is kissing him back with. He never came here for this. Sure it had crossed his mind, but it wasn't his reason for coming. He had needed to make sure she was alright. He could have lost her today and he needed to see her in the flesh to make sure that he wasn't dreaming and she really was okay. _

_Somehow they make their way into her bedroom and he doesn't take his time to look at the color of the walls or the color of the bed linens or the art on the walls. His sole focus is on the girl who lightly pushes him onto the bed and straddles his lap in a way that she hasn't in years. His sole focus is on the girl he almost lost today. He sits up and she pulls his shirt over his head and discards it somewhere in the room. He's well aware that no words have been said and he thinks just maybe it is better that way. _

_He pulls her top over her head her bra follows it soon after and their lips move in sync as they take their time getting reacquainted with the others body. Their hands roaming every expanse of exposed skin. Her hands move to the button of his jeans and he is rolling them over so she is pinned to the bed and kicking his jeans of his feet all in one move. Her shorts follow after and when his lips travel along the tops of her breasts and then gently graze over the tender skin of her neck she feels her breath hitch. He kisses the bruised skin with such gentleness and delicacy that tears are stinging her eyes and her hands are gripping his shoulders at the tenderness and care he is showing. When the tears glide down her cheeks he kiss both cheeks, her forehead, her nose, and then a tender kiss to her lips, meeting her eyes as he pulls away. "I love you."_

_A new set of tears hit her and she nods softly, letting her hand come up to caress the stubble of his cheek. "I love you, too." She breathes out. _

_His lips meet hers in a loving kiss and she takes a deep breath when the rest of their clothes are removed and his bare body comes to rest against hers. She promised herself she wouldn't get pulled back into all this again. She said she wouldn't do this with him again. He has a wife and he isn't hers. _

_But he holds her and kisses her like she is his and that glint is back in his eyes and the smiles he gives her are full and genuine and its nothing like the way she saw him act towards his wife days before. _

_She hates that he isn't hers and when he enters her and whispers those three little words to her over again as the make love she feels like he is hers and she is his. _

_He'd slipped his wedding ring off after his pants hit the floor and she hated and loved that action all in one. _

_This was all so wrong, but it all felt so right. _

_For tonight he's hers and she's his and he holds her through the night and she remembers what it felt like all those years ago to completely let herself go to Matthew Casey. She'd thought she'd never experience it again, but here she was, letting herself feel all those things for him again. _

_She didn't realize that night was the night they started this all again, and she didn't realize the mess they created. _

_Oh the tangled webs we weave…_

_**Oh, you're in my veins**_

_**And I cannot get you out**_

_**Oh, you're all I taste**_

_**At night inside of my mouth**_

_**Oh, you run away**_

'_**Cause I am not what you found**_

_**Oh, you're in my veins**_

_**And I cannot get you out**_

_**(No)**_

_**No, I cannot get you out**_

_**(Oh, you're in my veins)**_

_**No, I cannot get you out**_

_**Oh no, I cannot get you**_

**Thanks for reading! **

**So… that's how Dawsey got it together again. I know they are a mess, but it's so intriguing to write in this format. The history of Dawsey will continue to be explained. **

**I should put Shay in the 2-1 with Voight and Antonio with all the detective work she is doing from afar on these two ;)**

**Review, Review, Review please! Next one will be up soon. **

**xXx**


	6. Stay

**A/N: Alright guys, this is a pretty big chapter for this story and one of my favorites to write. I've been looking forward to this chapter since the start of this story. It's really going to move the present time storyline along and fills in an important chunk of the past storyline. There is still a few more big past storylines to be filled in after this one. **

**I am still a couple chapters ahead in this one, but I'm going to really start pacing myself. I've had a lot going on lately and have just been in a funk (for lack of a better word) and have not had much inspiration at all to write. I'm trying my best, but life has just gotten in the way and I've been dealing with some pretty heavy personal stuff. I promise to try my best to update all of my stories for you all!**

**Thank you for the support on this one. Your reviews make my day and completely blow me away. You all are so amazing, truly!**

**(This song… beautifully heartbreaking. AND it is the song that this story is named after, which is why I've been so excited to write it since the beginning. It fits in beautifully with this chapter. Sugarland has always been one of my favorites. Jennifer Nettles voice is just…WOW. Check it out!)**

**Enjoy!**

_I own nothing. _

Chapter 6: Stay  
Sugarland

_**I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall  
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call  
It's just another call from home  
And you'll get it and be gone  
And I'll be crying**_

When she slips into consciousness she can feel the dip of the bed next to her and the arms that are loosely draped across her stomach and she smiles at the comfort that all gives her. She rolls over straight into his warm inviting arms and snuggles into his chest. Placing a kiss right over his heart when she feels his arms wrap around her and hold her close.

A hum of appreciation leaves his lips and he kisses the top of her head. "Morning you."

"Morning." She whispers, letting her chin rest on his shoulder and looking up at him. He pulls her on top of him and she giggles softly as his lips find her neck and then her lips, leaving a trail of loving kisses along the smooth flesh.

She straddles his hips and lets her forehead rest on top of his as the look into each other's eyes. She smiles sweetly and he brushes his lips against hers before pulling her down so her chest is pressed to his and her face is buried into his neck.

He holds her close and takes it all in.

"You want some breakfast?" He asks lowly and receives a nod in reply.

"Later." She whispers. "Right now I just want to lay here with you." She says just as softly and he smiles. "We don't get enough mornings like this." He hears the vulnerability in her voice and can only nod. They don't get enough mornings like this, and if she wants to spend all of this morning in his arms in her bed than he is all for it.

"Okay." He whispers. Holding her tight to his chest and relishing in the feel of her bare body against his.

It's been a few weeks since he has seen her outside of work and just as long since they had done any more than share just a few kisses. Ever since their close call with Shay in the showers a couple weeks ago they have tried to cool it down. The last thing they need is to be caught by the blonde Paramedic or anyone else for that matter.

Hallie was away for the weekend on some hospital conference thing that he had no idea about until two days prior. Not that he much cared. They'd been on the rocks a lot lately. Avoiding each other when they were home together, and arguing when the silence became too much.

He wasn't happy, and he didn't really think Hallie was anymore either. He tried pinpointing the moment his marriage began to fall apart and he can't think of a real date, but he's pretty sure it started long before the girl that was currently in his arms came back to town. If he's being honest with himself he's pretty sure the marriage started falling apart the moment he said I do and he felt like he was suffocating when it fully hit him that the girl standing across from him wasn't the one that was in his arms now.

The difference between the feeling he felt then and the feelings he felt now towards his marriage were that he was pretty sure he wasn't the only one feeling them now. Hallie hadn't said as much, but he could tell, and he was still left asking himself why he didn't just come clean to his wife and tell her the truth, ask for a divorce, and move on with his life.

He felt like he owed it to Hallie to stay in their marriage, and that just sounds like the saddest thing he's ever heard. He's staying in his marriage because he feels obligated to. Who does that? He knows that he isn't happy with her, only because he knows just how happy the small Latina in his arms makes him and what Hallie makes him feel is nothing compared to what Gabby makes him feel.

There was never a big blow up with Hallie, never any huge realization. He just fell out of love with her, and it was during the time that Gabby wasn't in his life that he started to realize it. But when Gabby left him in that hotel room 4 years ago after he promised her he would leave his, then fiancé, Hallie, he forced himself to get over her. They spent two years planning the wedding and during that time he silently prayed that one day Gabby would come back to him. It was during that time that he realized he was no longer in love with Hallie, but he couldn't just leave her, they'd been together for over 8 years at the time and he no longer had Gabby, it only made since to stay with the girl that he had been with for so long and follow through with the marriage. He realizes now how stupid that was of him.

He doesn't realize why it ever took him so long to realize he'd fallen out of love with Hallie. He wishes he would've realized it years ago.

But he'd been happy with Hallie. Sure it wasn't near as passionate and deep and meaningful as anything Gabby had ever made him feel, but it was love and it was comforting and he let himself believe that it could be enough.

And then Gabby walked back into his life and it hit him for the first time in years just how unhappy he really had been all those years.

In the year of him and Gabby sneaking around again he had never told her any of it, his doubts in his marriage. In the early stages of their 'relationship' she hadn't even wanted to hear Hallie's name, and he couldn't blame the brown eyed brunette for that.

He should have realized when he no longer started to feel guilty for being with Gabby and started feeling guiltier for being with his own wife that he was married to the wrong woman. Though a small part of him knew from the start that he was married to the wrong one, the big part of him took a little longer to realize it.

As he holds Gabby in his arms and feels her breaths evening out once again, the little snores that he adored leaving her lips, he wonders what he's been doing the past year, the past 8 years, with Hallie, and why he hasn't been with Gabby all along. He wonders what it would be like to have this every morning and every night. Not just on a stolen 3 day weekend while his wife was away.

He wonders what it would feel like to have the girl in his arms hold his last name behind her first and for a ring to be on her finger. He wonders what it would be like if she was his. Fully, not just on their stolen moments away.

He wonders how much longer he can keep this all up before he finally breaks and tells Hallie the truth. He's starting to think it won't be much longer at all.

_**And I'll be begging you, baby  
Beg you not to leave  
But I'll be left here waiting  
With my heart on my sleeve  
Oh, for the next time we'll be here  
Seems like a million years  
And I think I'm dying**_

_She's back in Chicago after two straight years of being away from this place that holds so many terrible memories. Its Christmas time and her niece and nephew, who are only 6 and 3 have been begging her to come home for the holiday. _

_She'd skipped the past two years, telling them that she didn't have the money, or had to work, but this year no such luck with the skipping. It was the day after Christmas and she'd spent the majority of her time in her hotel room, not wanting to venture too far out. This city held her worst memories, and some of her best, but the worst of the memories started to outweigh the good ones a long time ago. _

_This is the city where she fell in love. A love so deep and pure that she reduced herself to something she swore she would never be. A cheater. This is the city where her heart broke and shattered into a million pieces, multiple times. _

_This is the city where she lost the child that she was supposed to be able to hold in her arms and raise with the man she thought she'd spend forever with. _

_This is the city she left 2 years ago to get away from all those painful memories. To get away from him. To get away from all the lies and secrets. To get away from the memory of the child they had lost. She'd learned long ago that all those memories wouldn't leave her. They were forever bound to her. But in New York they were much easier to deal with. _

_She finds a dive bar around the corner of her hotel room and slips inside to get out of the cold that she'd been walking in for a while. Not ready to head back to her hotel just yet. Her parent's left this morning to go back to the Dominican Republic and her brother and sister in-law were spending the day at her parents' house. So she'd been left to her own devices. She leaves to go back to New York tomorrow, and all she really wanted was to have a couple drinks, go back to her hotel to sleep, and catch the first flight out of here the next day. _

_She'd sat at the bar for close to an hour and had downed two shots and two beers in that time, working on a buzz, but not drunk yet, when she felt someone slide into the stool beside her. _

"_I think I might be dreaming." He breathed out and her eyes snapped to his. _

_Blue met brown and she could feel tears sting her eyes instantly. Two years. Two years since she had seen this man. _

_The last time she had saw him he was standing outside her packed car begging her not to leave. Not to leave him. And now he was here. _

_It's funny how fate works. _

"_Matt…" She breathes out. _

_She'd left this place to get away from him and not even 5 days here and she ran into him. _

_He smiles softly. "Hey you." He whispers and a tear trails down her cheek. _

_God, had she missed him. So, so much. She would never admit it to him, but she did. Every day since she was gone. _

_She stares at him for a moment longer, to lost in him and the thoughts that she'd never see him again, to utter a word. _

_The bartender pulls her out of her thoughts when he asks her if she wants another drink and she shakes her head 'no' before turning to look at the blonde man again. Finally finding her voice. "I, uh, I should go." She whispers and is out of her seat and out the door before he can even think of what to say. _

_She knows if she stays she will be falling into his arms again. _

_What she doesn't expect is for him to follow her…_

_He hears the door close behind her and he takes a deep breath. Don't do it. Don't do it…_

_Too late…_

_He's off his stool in an instant and out the door following her. She's already half way down the side walk and rounding the corner, but he calls after her and is running after her in the cold Chicago evening. _

_When he rounds the corner and catches up to her he calls her name and grabs her hand, spinning her around to face him. "Gabby."_

_There are tears trailing down her cheeks and he hates that the last few times he has seen her she has been crying. He almost forgot what one of her smiles looked like, almost, but not quite. _

_He pulls her into his arms without a second thought and his lips are on hers in a tender kiss full of longing and passion and love. _

_When they pull away he looks down at her hesitantly. He doesn't know where to go from there. He hasn't seen her in 2 years and the last words shared between the two of them weren't the most pleasant. He isn't sure why she is back, or for how long, and he isn't sure of much of anything. _

_The one thing he is sure of is that he missed her and he loved her and he hadn't stopped thinking of her in the 2 years since he last saw her. _

_When she pulls away from him and keeps her hand interlocked with his and starts pulling him in the direction of a hotel and then up to the her hotel room he is sure that he will go anywhere this girl leads him without a second thought. _

_He pulls her into his arms right after the door closes behind them and their lips are locked in a long kiss within seconds. _

_No words are said and it doesn't take long before they are tangled in the bed sheets._

_**What do I have to do to make you see  
She can't love you like me?**_

She rests her forehead against his chest as she takes a few deep breathes as they both come down from their highs.

He lets out a rather large puff of air and takes another deep breath to try and calm down his heavy breathing and she smirks up at him from the affects that they had on each other. She lays flat against him, letting her chin rest on his chest lowly so she could look up at him easily.

His hands comb through her hair and he grins down at her as she lay on top of him wrapped in the sheets. "That was… amazing." He breathes out and smiles at her wolfishly.

A blush rises to her cheeks and she smiles back up at him, nodding her head in agreement. A rare burst of vulnerability hits her and the next words are tumbling from her mouth before she can stop them. "Better than her?" She's never asked this before. She'd never been able to bring herself too. She knows that she should assume as much, why else would he be with her after all? But she can't stop herself from asking, and once the words have left her mouth she finds herself needing to hear that answer more than she cares to admit.

He smiles softly, almost reassuringly, and pulls her up his body so she is resting above him nearly face to face. He doesn't know why she's asked it. In over 8 years of knowing each other she has never once asked a question like this.

But after his thoughts from earlier this morning about ending things with Hallie, he can't help but answer her completely honestly.

He smiles and tucks the hair behind her ears and rest his hand on her cheek. "Baby… there isn't anything about you, and us, physically, or emotionally, that isn't better." He promises.

She smiles softly, a smile full of accomplishment and happiness. But it's only there for a few seconds before his words seem to have the opposite affect and she is frowning slightly. Giving him another vulnerable, and almost confused look. "Then why are you with her…" She breathes out and he takes a deep breath.

It's an honest question. One that knocks the wind out of him. He wants to say it's because he loves her or something else as equally sweet and noble and charismatic.

But he can't.

Because looking down at the woman he _does_ love, all he can wonder is why he isn't with _her. _

She's beautiful and vulnerable and strong and kind and sweet and sarcastic and sassy and sexy and there isn't a single thing he can think of that is wrong with her other than the fact that there isn't a ring on her finger and this isn't their bed it's hers. The only fault with the girl in his arms is that she isn't his wife and it took her words to make him fully realize that he really has no idea why he is with his wife.

He feels like the winds been knocked out of him as he stares into her deep brown eyes that hold a question that he can't answer.

Why is he with his wife? Why isn't he with the girl he truly loves, the girl he always loved?

"I don't know…" He whispers. The words almost foreign in his mouth. The first time he has ever admitted it out loud. He meets Gabby's eyes now. Realization coursing through him. "I, I don't know…"

His phone rings and he sighs. He picks it up and they both tense at the name that's on the screen. Gabby rolls away from him almost ashamed. His words hitting her and his wife's name on his phone making her feel terrible and all sorts of ashamed and so many things.

He kisses her temple and gives her a reassuring look. They'd be finishing this conversation.

Then he is slipping into the hallway and answering the call from his wife.

_**Why don't you stay  
I'm down on my knees  
I'm so tired of being lonely  
Don't I give you what you need  
When she calls you to go  
There is one thing you should know  
We don't have to live this way  
Baby, why don't you stay**_

_They lay facing each other on the hotel bed. Nothing but the sheets between them. Their eyes locked and their hands shamelessly running up and down the others sides as their legs stay interlocked. _

"_This is crazy." She whispers into the quite air that had encased them. _

_He raises an eye brow in question and she takes a breath before answering him. "I, I haven't come back here in 2 year because I didn't want to face everything that made me leave… and honestly I didn't think I'd be able to face you. I really didn't think I'd run into you while I was here… I thought I'd never see you again…" She tells him softly, her throat tight at the admission. _

_He smiles softly. "Well I'm glad the latter didn't happen… I haven't stopped thinking about you since you left Gabs." He whispers vulnerably. He'd tried putting her at the back of his mind, but she never left him. He could never get her out of his mind or out of his heart. _

_She nods tearfully. "Me either…"_

_They're silent for a moment before his next words are tumbling from his mouth. "Move back here…" _

"_Matt…" She warns gently, her voice hoarse from the tears that are threatening to escape and the tightness in her throat. "I can't…"_

_His face falls. "Why not?"_

"_Matt, you're engaged… you have Hallie and we… we're nothing…" Even she knows that's a lie, and his jaw sets at her words. _

"_We aren't nothing… Gabby we could never be nothing. You and me, we're… God, we're everything." He tells her vulnerably. _

_She shakes her head, trying to act like he didn't say those words. He doesn't mean them, he can't. She smiles softly, "You're getting married Matt…"_

_He shakes his head. He doesn't know why she keeps saying that. He wishes she would stop. He wants it to be her. He's wanted it to be her for years now. "What if I don't want too…" He asks almost childishly and her breath hitches and she is shaking her head at him again. _

"_You don't mean that…"_

_He cuts her off. "I do… God Gabby, for the past 4 years it's been you. For the past 2 years I have tried to convince myself that I could live without you and… I, I don't want too… I don't want to live without you anymore…"_

"_And I don't want to be your dirty little secret Matt, but I guess we are both screwed." She says angrily. He couldn't be saying these things to her. He said things similar 2 years ago and then took them back. She won't go through it again. _

"_Gabby…" He tries, but she is getting up from the bed, wrapping the sheet around her and clutching it to her chest as she moves away from him. _

"_Maybe you should go."_

_And there it was. The Gabriella Dawson wall of defense. Built up nice and high for no one to enter. _

_He shakes his head, standing from the bed and pulling on his boxers as he walks towards her, letting his hands rest on her arms. _

"_I'm not going anywhere." He argues. _

_She looks at him, tears swimming in her eyes, why can't he ever just let it be easy. Why can't he understand that she doesn't want to hear anymore promises that he won't keep. _

"_You should go home to your fiancé, Matt." _

_He shakes his head, letting his hand rest on her cheek as he looks down into her eyes. Oh silly girl. "But the love of my life is right here…" He whispers with so much conviction that she is throwing herself into his arms once again. Letting her tears fall and her lips meet his._

_**You keep telling me, baby  
There will come a time  
When you leave her arms  
And forever be in mine  
But I don't think that's the truth  
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting  
It's too much pain to have to bear  
To love a man you have to share**_

_She doesn't know how she let herself fall into this again, last night she had been determined to kick him out and not let him back in. But when she wakes up in the morning with his arm draped over her stomach and hears a phone ring she grabs it and opens the flip phone without looking at the caller ID. _

_She doesn't even have any words out before she hears a frantic voice fill the line. "Matt? Matt, where the hell are you? Baby I've been worried." _

_She sits up with a start and closes the phone quickly, letting it fall to the bed. She looks over at Matt as he sleeps soundly and she makes her way to the bathroom for a shower, she needs to wash the feel of him off her skin. To wash the complete shame she feels away._

_This was a mistake. _

_He has Hallie. He's getting married, and the words he said last night mean nothing because they don't compare to the ring and the promises that she is sure he has promised that other woman as well. Actions speak louder than words after all._

_The tears hit her hard once she reaches the shower and the water has run cold by the time she steps out from behind the curtain. She dresses quickly and doesn't bother with makeup or drying her hair. _

_When she steps back into the room she's not sure whether she is happy or disappointed that he hasn't woken up yet. She sits on the side of the bed for a moment, letting herself take him in for a few moments. His tousled hair and his muscled back. His cheeks pressed into the pillow. He looks peaceful. _

_She grabs the little note pad that was resting on the night stand and writes him a quick note. She sets it on her pillow and runs her hand through his hair and down his cheek and feels the tears sting her eyes. _

_He has a girl he loves waiting at home for him and she has a plane to catch. _

_This was their goodbye._

_She places a kiss on his cheek and grabs her bag and when the door clicks shut behind her she doesn't bother to stop the tears that race down her cheeks. _

_Matt wakes up a short ten minutes later and looks around warily when his hand runs across the cool sheet and hit a piece of paper. He looks at it briefly before sitting up and calling out her name. _

_When he looks around the room and notices her bag is gone and there is no trace of her he looks back at the note and feels like his heart is breaking. _

_**I'm sorry…  
Please, be happy, Matt. That's all I've ever wanted for you.  
Love always, G.**_

_Doesn't she realize _she_ makes him happy?_

_He lets out a shaky breath and doesn't stop the tears as he dresses and makes his way out of the hotel room and the sound of the lock clicking shut behind him sounds a hell of a lot like the sound of a heart breaking._

_He checks his phone as he walks to his car and when he listens to his voicemail from Hallie and hears her ask why he picked up and hung up he is silently cursing her, but he shakes that thought almost immediately. He can't blame this on her. He can't. _

_He wants to blame Gabby, but he also can't bring himself to do that either. He is the one who is with someone else, he doesn't deserve to be mad at her for leaving. _

_He tucks that note into his back pocket and when he gets home stuffs it into the little box of things he's had for a few years now hidden in the back of their closet. _

_He can't shake the feeling that last night was a goodbye… _

_Casey, he determined, hated goodbyes._

_**Why don't you stay  
I'm down on my knees  
I'm so tired of being lonely  
Don't I give you what you need  
When she calls you to go  
There is one thing you should know  
We don't have to live this way  
Baby, why don't you stay**_

He walks back in the room and she is resting up against the headboard with her knees pulled up to her chest and the sheets still wrapped around her.

He smiles softly, almost regrettably, and she knows what coming.

"You're leaving." She breathes out, already knowing the answer.

There were supposed to spend the whole weekend together. He'd stayed over the night before and she was supposed to get one more night with him before shift tomorrow. Before he had to go home to his wife. It's not the first time their plans have been changed by a call from his wife, she should be used to it by now. She's not, and she never will be. He's supposed to be hers, there isn't supposed to be anyone else calling him away. She hates this feeling.

The feeling she gets right before he leaves to go back to her and with the conversation and his admission that happened before he took this call she is hating it all even more.

Hallie called to ask where he was, it was nearing 6pm and she had gotten home early. She wasn't supposed to be home till tomorrow afternoon. He tries not to be mad that she is home so early… he can't blame her, none of this is her fault. But he still feels that twinge of resentment towards her that he hates.

"Gabs…" He tries to reason but she is cutting him off and going to move from the bed.

"It's whatever, I'm used to it." She grumbles, and he's on the bed and laying half on top of her holding her into place before she can go.

"Hey… don't do that…" He whispers.

She crosses her arms over her chest, almost like she is trying to place a barrier between them, he doesn't like that action at all, and he really dislikes the words that leave her mouth after in a defensive tone.

"No, its fine, I'm used to it Matt. She's your wife and I'm just the thing you do on the side." She remarks and he pulls away shocked by her words and her sassiness before settling his arms around her and pulling closer, kisses her collar bone delicately before looking up at her and shaking his head.

"Don't… Don't say that… You know it's so much more than that. It always has been, and it's always going to be."

Tears well in her eyes and shakes her head as her lips tremble. "I don't want to do this anymore…" She cries softly and he feels like his world might fall down around him. "I hate seeing you go home to her and I hate hiding how I feel about you… I just… God Matt, all of this is so hard. I just want you, all the time… not part time." She whimpers.

It's honestly the first time he has ever heard her be this vulnerable about their situation and he hopes she knows how much he wants her all the time too. "You have me." He whispers, pulling her down so her back is against the bed and not the head board. He kisses her lips softly. "You have me, baby."

She shakes her head, unshed tears still swimming in her brown eyes. "Yeah, I have you… and so does she." She says sullenly.

"What if she didn't anymore?" He asks her honestly.

Gabby's breath catches for a moment as she looks up into his blue eyes. Blue eyes full of conviction and love and adoration and so much more and she lets out a breath as the tears slide down her cheeks. They've never talked about this before. What would happen if he left his wife? And now here they are, talking about it so offhand.

"Yeah?" She questions.

"Yeah." He confirms.

"Then I'll be here waiting." She whispers and his lips are on her in an instant.

_**I can't take it any longer  
But my will is getting stronger  
And I think I know just what I have to do  
I can't waste another minute  
After all that I've put in it  
I've given you my best  
Why does she get the best of you  
So the next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine**_

He's going to leave his wife.

He has no idea how he will start the conversation, and in all honesty he had no idea how, what, and how much he is going to tell her about his affair with Gabby.

All he knows is that he has finally come to a decision and he feels lighter. He feels happier.

And knowing that Gabby will be here waiting for him is the best feeling in the world. They are finally going to get a real chance at something. To be more than just secrets and lies and sneaking around. He is finally going to get to show his girl off to the world.

Gabby stands against the counter with a smile on her face. He'd decided. He had told her he was leaving his wife.

She had been waiting to hear those words for a long, long time. They felt amazing. He was amazing.

He was going home and he was going to talk to Hallie and he had promised her that tomorrow morning on shift he would tell her all about it.

She feels arms wrap around her and smiles when he places a kiss to her bare shoulder. He'd ran to take a shower after their activities and had changed into his clothes, and for the first time she didn't have a sinking feeling in her heart when she realized he was leaving her. Because she knew he would be coming back to her soon. Very soon.

He pulled away and took a sip of the coffee she had in her hands and then set the cup down on the counter, taking her into his arms and looking her up and down. Her curls framed her face and her cheeks were blushed a light pink. Her eyes were bright and her lips were just a little swollen from their kisses that they'd shared. She looks happy. And she was still only wrapped up in that damn white sheet.

"Do you ever wear clothes?" He growls out.

She giggles softly, and boy was that noise music to his ears. "When you're around? Not often." She laughs, going to move away from him.

He had other ideas and lifted her up onto the counter, resting in between her legs and kissing her deeply. "You make it so difficult to leave." He whispers, resting his forehead against hers.

She smiles softly and plays with the buttons on his shirt. "Yeah, well soon you won't have to be going anywhere."

"No I won't. And I don't plan on going anywhere far from you ever again after all this is said and done."

"Promise?" She whispers.

He collapses her smaller pinky in his and kisses their interlocked finger before kissing her lips. "Promise."

She groans and pushes him away, jumping from the counter. "You need to go before I don't let you leave."

He laughs loudly, throwing his head back and grabs his jacket and slings it over his shoulders before pulling her close once more. Kissing her head and then kissing her lips lovingly.

"I love you."

She smiles against his lips and whispers those three words back.

He walks to the door and send her a wink over his shoulder before swinging the door open.

Leslie Shay's mouth drops open as she stares at the blonde man in her best friends door way and spots Gabby over his shoulder with wide eyes, wrapped in a bed sheet.

Matt's eyes meeting the blue ones across from him in shock as well.

A smirk of accomplishment washes over the blonde girls face as she hollers out. "I knew it!"

_**Why don't you stay  
I'm up off my knees  
I'm so tired of being lonely  
You can't give me what I need  
When she begs you not to go  
There is one thing you should know  
I don't have to live this way  
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah**_

**Oh HEY Shay, welcome to the party!**

**So Gabby stood up for herself, and Matt says he is leaving Hallie… Sounds like all is falling into place right? **

**You all know by now it's never that easy with these two. **

**Hallie will finally officially be introduced next chapter, and we will get Shay's reaction.**

**Hope you all enjoyed this one!**

**Review, Review, Review pleaseeeee. **

**XxXx**


	7. Never Say Never

**A/N: Hey! Who else is still screaming from the last episode and the promo for the season finale? (Maybe that's just me.) I am not even a little prepared for what is going to happen next week. Not at all. **

**Thank you for all the feedback from the last chapter! You're all little angels and make my day. And thank you to all those for the personal support. It's been tough, but I'll be okay, and I will keep trying to push these chapters out (on all of my stories) for you all. **

**This one only has one flashback because I felt the current time was more important right now. The next couple chapters will be the same with only one or two flashbacks, and mostly current time story now that most of the past is filled in. **

**I promise you an update to 'Headlong Towards Disaster' will be up soon! I'm working on it now!**

**(Quick Question: How are you guys liking the lyrics being mixed in with the story? I personally love it. I think it gives the story a lot more depth and emotion when song lyrics can tie in so easily with the characters emotions. But that is just me, so let me know what you're feeling with it!) **

**(S/O to The Fray for being one of my favorite bands of all time. Absolutely love this song. So powerful and beautiful. All cred to them. Check it out!)**

_I own nothing. Sad day, I know. _

Chapter 7: Never Say Never  
The Fray

_**Some things we don't talk about  
Rather do without  
And just hold the smile  
Falling in and out of love  
Ashamed and proud of  
Together all the while**_

When Leslie Shay showed up at her best friend's apartment she was fully intent on a little pizza, ice cream, and girl talk. She never expected to find Matt Casey leaving the apartment or Gabby wrapped in nothing but a bed sheet. It was obvious what had been happening before she arrived.

She pushes the blonde man back into the apartment and shuts the door and Gabby and Matt are both too shocked to say anything at all. She pushes Casey into one of the kitchen chairs and after giving Gabby a silent glare she followed into a seat as well.

The blonde woman paces in front of them, at a loss for words. She'd practically given up on her quest to catch them in the act weeks ago. She'd kept a close eye on them, but once she had gotten nowhere with catching them in the act at the firehouse she'd just deemed her efforts fruitless. She never expected to show up here and catch them like this. She had a feeling of accomplishment floating through her at finding them out without having tried, but she was also full of confusion, wonder, disappointment, and maybe a little anger.

She finally stops pacing and looks at the two people in front of her who have their heads bowed in shame. "I… what? How? When?" She stutters, not knowing where to begin.

Gabby meets her eyes and shakes her head. "Shay…"

"How long has this been going on, Dawson?" Shay questions her almost desperately. This was her best friend after all. She was disappointed, but also concerned at the mess she had gotten herself in.

A look is passed between the couple in front of her that she doesn't miss and Gabby shrugs her shoulder and looks away. "A while… it's… Shay, it's a long story. It's complicated." She whispers.

"Well uncomplicated for me!" Shay hollers growing frustrated.

Matt sends her a glare for the outburst. "Hey, this isn't just her fault…" He defends.

Shay is cutting him off quickly, throwing an accusing finger at him. "Yeah obviously. Hey, how's Hallie Casey?" She replies sarcastically.

"Stop, both of you!" Gabby interjects and they both silence, staring at the brunette.

"Gabs…" Shay pushes after a beat of silence, needing to get some sort of understanding on this.

Gabby takes a deep breath and she can already feel tears swimming in her eyes. "Okay… You, uh, you know that relationship, back in college that I told you was complicated?" She says softly and Shay nods her head remembering the short conversation about the relationship that Gabby had not been willing to talk much about at all.

"Yeah, the one that made you skip town for six years." Shay quips. Matt bows his head in shame and Gabby gives the blonde woman a pointed look. Realization hits Shay like a ton of bricks. "Oh my God!" She looks back and forth between the two. "That was… You two? Back then… With… I, wow… Oh my God… that was you… with the baby…" She whispers, looking from Gabby to Matt as they both nod sadly. "You guys…" She breathes out. She'd known for a while now that Gabby had a miscarriage with a guy she dated in college, but she had no idea it was Matt. That these two had such a history. Her heart broke for them, but she still couldn't shake the disappointment at them. Gabby's tears cascade down her face at the mention of the baby and Matt's hand reaches out to grasp her smaller one, squeezing it in his own. Shay doesn't miss that action, and can't help the small smile that graces her face. She'd thought maybe this was just sex, it clearly wasn't.

"Casey, you were with Hallie in college…" Shay states in confusion and he nods sullenly.

"I know…" He whispers and Shay shakes her head. This was all unbelievable.

"God, you two are a mess. Does Hallie know anything? Does anyone know anything?" She asks throwing her hands up in frustration.

They both shake their heads in the negative and Matt quickly interjects. "I was on my way to tell Hallie when you showed up."

Shay looks at him shocked before resting a hand on her hip and pointing to the door. "Well, what are you waiting for Casanova? Get out of here." A small smile plays on her lips and Matt is up from his seat and kissing Gabby's head and out the door soon after.

Shay gives her friend a once over and shakes her head and lets out a little groan. "What am I gonna do with you girl?" She smirks and Gabby smiles softly back, put at ease by Shay's smile. She pulls Gabby up from the chair and pushes her towards her bedroom with a swat on the butt. "Go get dressed, and shower! You smell like sex. I'm ordering us pizza and then you are talking me through this mess."

_**You can never say never  
While we don't know when  
But time and time again  
Younger now than we were before**_

When he steps through the door to his house it's like he feels a shift in the air. It's nearly 8pm and Hallie called him nearly 3 hours ago. Between getting wrapped up in Gabby and then Shay's whirlwind intervention he'd gotten a little side tracked in getting home to his wife.

_Wife_. The word sounded so foreign to him anymore. He and Hallie hadn't been happy for a while and they really had no one else to blame but themselves. They'd stopped communicating. She started picking up more hours at the hospital. They weren't the couple they once were and he realized today that he was only still in this out of obligation and he really hated himself for that.

He should have let Hallie go a long time ago and it would've been better for everyone. He and Gabby could've gotten together and been happy, maybe not have gone through so much heartbreak. Hallie could've moved on from him and been happy with someone who could give her his full heart, something he hadn't been able to do since he was 21 and running into a 19 year old Gabriella Dawson.

It kind of amazes him just how much time had passed. Close to nine years now. Sure they spent 6 of those years apart except for one chance meeting, but nine years was still a long time. Then he remembers that he and Hallie have been together for 13 years and he heaves a sigh.

When did life become so complicated?

It was supposed to be easy. Meet girl. Love her. Propose. Marry her. Start a family. But it had never been that easy. Now he was married to a girl he fell out of love with and sleeping with the woman that had always held a bigger piece of his heart than his wife ever did. He wonders why it all couldn't have been so easy to figure out back then. Now he is seeing it all clearly.

Back then he had tried to be noble and do the right thing by Hallie, and he realizes that every time he tried to do the right thing for Hallie he was breaking Dawson a little bit more. Ruining her hope in love and him just a little more every time he went back to Hallie.

He's sick to his stomach thinking of all this and he decides that he really needs to talk to Hallie, now. He needs to get this all out. He looks around the house and doesn't spot her anywhere and when he walks into the bedroom she is fast asleep and he sighs heavily.

He sleeps on the couch that night, he just can't sleep next to her when he knows what the morning will bring.

He wakes up and can hear the sound of cupboards closing and smell the coffee and when he warily walks into the kitchen he is met with an angry glare. "Hey." He says softly and is met with a huff and another icy glare. Something he'd grown accustomed to the past few months.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and stood across from her, preparing himself on what to say.

"What time did you get home?" She asks agitated.

"About 8." He says simply, though he knows there is nothing simple about where he had been or what he'd been doing. He goes to say more but she is cutting him off.

"God Matt, were you home at all this weekend this place is a mess." She grumbles.

"Hallie, we need to talk…"

She scuffs. "Well that would be something new."

"Says the girl who picks up any extra shift that the hospital has." He retorts.

"Coming from the guy who works 24hour shifts and then works construction job all day so he doesn't have to come home to his wife?" She bites back.

He sighs heavily. This isn't how he planned this going. "This isn't solving anything." He sighs, exhausted from the sleepless night on the couch and the weight of the conversation they need to have.

His second alarm goes off on his phone and he knows he needs to leave for work now and he sighs angrily. He'd wanted to have this talk before he seen Gabby again. "I have to go. We still need to talk." He grumbles.

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah well I'm not really in the talking mood!" She bites back.

He whirls around, his frustration taking over. "Too damn bad! We need to talk, Hallie! I'll see you tomorrow." He barks. Letting the door slam closed behind him as he makes his way to his truck, trying to calm his erratic heart rate and his anger.

_**Don't let me go, Don't let me go  
Don't let me go, Don't let me go  
Don't let me go, Don't let me go**_

The girls sat curled up on Gabby's couch, pizza and wine in hand after Gabby had taken a shower and changed. Her feet in Shay's lap as they sat across from each other on the couch.

"So tell me… what is all this between you two? Is it sex, or is it…" She trails off, not knowing how Gabby would feel about that 'L' word.

Gabby had told Shay the majority of the sordid romance of the past nearly 9 years. From the first meeting, to the break up and where she learned about Hallie, to Brad and learning of Matt's engagement, to the winter dance that brought them back together, the baby that they were both excited about, the planning of telling Hallie and finally being together, too the loss of their baby and the story of how she decided to leave town after it. She told her about the chance meet up that happened 2 years after her departure and how she left Matt in the hotel room and she told her about showing up at 51 on the first day and not expecting to see Matt. How she hadn't known he'd been married until that first meeting again and how she'd tried avoiding him because she didn't want to get pulled back into it all again. She told her about the kiss they shared and how she pushed him away after and then she told her about the night after she was held hostage by the gunman. The night they shared together and the 'I love you' that they shared and how that night started it all again. How she tried acting like it was just sex. How she would bolt at any sign of it becoming more than sex, though she knew all along that it was. And then she told her of the 'I love you's' that they had shared only a few short months ago and how they started sharing them more often. How they stopped pretending it was nothing and started to actually show each other their feelings.

Shay looks at her shocked by the end of it all. "Wow… you really love him." She whispers.

Gabby smiles shyly and her cheeks blush as she nods her head. "Yeah… I really do Shay."

Shay squeezes her leg and smiles at her friend. "It's good to see you happy Gabs." She whispers. Gabby hadn't looked this alive for years Shay noticed. Since high school really. Not since before the loss of the baby Shay quickly realizes. She wishes she could've been there for Gabby through all of this. That she wouldn't have to have dealt with it all alone. "I wish you would've told me all this sooner… Like maybe 8 years ago sooner." She jokes lightly.

Gabby nods. "I know… Some days I wish I would've… but I just, if I would've told you I was sleeping and falling in love with a taken man how supportive could say you would've been?" She scrunches her nose up, knowing she wouldn't have been supportive of the idea at all. The only reason she was supporting it all now was because Matt was home telling Hallie the truth and because Gabby had gone through enough over the years she now realizes, and she doesn't need Shay's judgement. "Exactly." Gabby says looking at the answer written all over her face.

"Fair enough." Shay agrees.

Gabby takes a sip of her wine and looks over at her friend, grateful to not see her judgmental eyes, instead her blue eyes hold concern and love, and maybe a little disappointment, but mainly just support. Support that Gabby didn't realize she'd needed all along till now.

"It was all just really hard… It still is." Dawson whispers.

Shay squeezes her leg and smiles at her friend comfortingly. "But he is leaving Hallie, right?"

Gabby nods, tears gathering in her eyes. "So he says…" She whispers and Shay quirks a brow in question. "It's not exactly the first time we've been in this situation, and here we are still nearly 9 years later Shay."

"Gabs…"

She shakes her head, wiping at her eyes before they can fall and giving Shay her best smile. "It's different this time…" She tries to reassure herself, and fails miserably.

Shay nods, pulling her friend into her arms and holding her close. "Yeah, Hun, I'm sure it is."

_**Picture, you're the queen of everything  
As far as the eye can see  
Under the command  
I will be your guardian  
When all is crumbling  
I steady your hand**_

Gabby slips into his office during the afternoon and shuts the door behind her, leaning up against it as she looks down at him as he sits in his chair. They hadn't gotten to talk yet today and she'd seen his blinds were pulled and she knew he was inside and she had some down time. She'd needed to see him.

He smiles as he looks up at her. "Hey you." He says softly. Taking her in. He wonders if a day will ever come that Gabriella Dawson won't stop his heart with her beauty. He's positive it won't when she flashes him a smile back.

"Hey." She whispers and takes another moment to stare at him before quirking her brow. "So?" She asks a little too eagerly and he raises a brow in confusion. Her faces falls slightly and she looks at him pointedly. "How'd it go… with Hallie?" She asks warily.

He sighs heavily and turns his chair to face her completely. "Gabby…" He starts and her eyes slip closed and she can already feel her throat tightening.

"No…" She whispers. She can't do this again. She can't go through the heartbreak of his promises broken again.

"Hey…" He whisper, pushing his chair forward and grabbing her hand, pulling her down onto his lap. "It's not like that, I promise… Hallie was asleep when I got home last night and this morning we got into it before I could even tell her anything. We were too busy hollering at each other." He says frustrated.

She looks at him warily and he sighs. Squeezing her thigh that his hand rested on. "Gabby baby, I promise you that I'm going to tell her. Okay? This isn't like last time…" He promises gently. Needing her to believe him, to believe in him, in them.

She stares at him for another moment before sighing in frustration and standing from his lap running a hand through her hair as she turns away from him. "You said that last time…" She says softly, almost accusingly, not meeting his eyes as she turns to face him again.

He stand from his chair and lets his hands rest on her cheeks, forcing her eyes to meet his. Giving her a pleading look. "And I mean it this time Gabby…" He tells her.

Tears sting her eyes and she shakes her head. "You should've meant it all the other times too Matt…" She says and his arms leave her cheeks and rest on her shoulders and she shivers at his touch. "God, Matt, it's been 9 years…" She walks away from him again, needing to put some distance between them to help her get through this. "I… I just don't know if I can do this anymore."

"Gabby…" He whispers. How could she be giving up, they were so close to the finish line. Sure they'd almost been to the 'finish line' many times before, but he was sure this time. He wanted Gabby. He was leaving Hallie. Why couldn't she just trust him on that?

"Matt I can't be the girl that waits around for you anymore… I can't be the girl waiting for you to leave your wife. This is the 5th time I've heard the 'I'm leaving her' speech and it's 5 times too many." She whispers, somehow holding those tears back, but her voice breaks at her next words. "I'm tired of being the girl always waiting for the guy, Matt… I, for once I just…. I want it to be me… and it, it never is." She cries softly, and he is standing in front of her again in seconds, his hands running through her hair and resting on her cheeks. His throat tight and his eyes burning.

"It's always you. God, Gabby. It's always you, and it's always going to be you… God baby, please… please don't do this…" He pleads and her tears spill over as she looks up into his blue eyes. "What can I say to make this better, Gabby… please…" He whispers.

"It's not what you say Matt, it's how you show it…" She cries, pushing him away lightly and walking back towards his door.

He turns slowly, his own tears slowly spilling over. "You're walking away, again…" He whispers breathlessly. Not believing this is all happening.

She turns slowly, taking a step towards him and kissing his lips tenderly before pulling away and not bothering to wipe the tears off of her cheeks.

"You ever think maybe I'm just waiting for the day that you'll actually chase me?" She whispers just as breathlessly and then she is out the door and he is stuck in his spot a moment longer, as her words hit him hard.

He's to his door a moment later and being cut off by Shay as she steps in front of him and he spots Gabby rounding the corner and out of his site. "What the hell did you do?" Shay growls and he sighs.

"Shay…"

"No don't make excuses. Just fix it. She loves you Casey and she's tired of being runner up. Make a choice… and do it before she gets hurt anymore."

"I did! I chose her, she just doesn't want to hear it. Okay? It's her. I just haven't got a chance to tell Hallie yet." He says softly, frustrated.

Shay looks down the hall and that's when he spots Hallie stalking towards them. Shay gives him a look and pats his shoulder before turning away. "Well, here's your chance."

Matt sighs as he thinks of the girl he loves that has walked away from him, and then of the girl he should love that is walking towards him, and all he can think of is his wedding day.

_**You can never say never  
While we don't know when  
Time, time, time again  
Younger now than we were before**_

"_Hey, you ready?" _

_Matt's snapped out of his thoughts as Severide walks into the room. _

_Matt nods slowly and takes an audible breath. "Yup." He says softly and Severide walks up to him, his best man._

"_Nervous?" He asks cautiously as he sees the look on his friends face. _

_Matt shrugs. "Yeah, I guess." Truth be told his mind had been on a brunette that he hadn't seen in two years, not on the brunette that he was going to be saying 'I do' to in a few minutes. _

_Severide looks at him warily. "Hey, you okay?" He asks carefully. Seeing that look in his friend's eyes. It was a look he caught often, but one he never explained. _

_Matt's eyes met his and he took a deep breath. He wasn't really sure if he was okay or not right now. The truth was he'd been holding on to a girl that had left him in a hotel room two years ago and he was pretty sure he loved her more than he could ever love the woman he was marrying. He'd promised himself that if he never got a sign, if he never heard from Gabby again before his wedding day, that he'd let her go. _

_He'd try and just let her go completely and he would devote himself to Hallie fully. It wasn't fair to her to keep another girl in his thoughts when he was marrying her. _

_Now it was only a few minutes before vows were said and all he could think about was what a wedding to a different brunette would be like. One with caramel skin and deep brown eyes. _

_He knew his friend wouldn't understand any of this so he simply gives him a forced smile and nods his head and they take their places at the front of the church minutes later. _

_When the music starts and people begin walking down the aisle he feels like the room might be closing in on him. None of this feels right, it all feels so wrong and he's wondering if maybe it's not too late to call it all off. _

_Then the march is starting and the doors are opening and he is sure he is dreaming when the girl that has held his every thought is walking down the aisle toward him in a stunning white dress. He smiles brightly. She's breath taking. _

_She's standing in front of him and then she is across from him and words are being said, but he is in his own little world with her. A ring is being slipped onto his finger and he is smiling so brightly he is sure all his teeth are showing as he stares at amazement at the girl he thought he wouldn't see again. Words are leaving his mouth and then he hears someone calling his name and he is snapped out of his daydream when he looks at the priest who hands him a ring and when he looks back at the girl in front of him he takes a raged breath because it's no longer the girl he'd been thinking it was before. _

_It's the girl he actually proposed too, it the girl he cheated on and lied too, it's the girl who has helped him through a lot in his life, it's the girl who loves him and has never wavered or left him. It's the girl that has given all of herself to him, and he has to take another breath to calm his racing heart. _

_It's no longer the girl that broke his heart multiple times over the years in front of him. It's not the girl he fell so deeply in love with that he broke all of his morals just to be with her. It's not the girl that he made a baby with and then lost, breaking both their hearts and breaking them as well. It's not the girl that held such a big part of his heart. It's not her. It's not Gabriella Dawson. It's Hallie Thomas. _

_The girl standing in front of him isn't the girl that left him in a hotel room 2 years ago. She isn't the girl that he fell in love with 6 years ago. _

_But she is the girl he fell in love with nearly 10 years ago. She's the girl that promised him the future and she is the girl that he loves. She might not be __**the**__ girl. But she's the girl he's marrying. _

_Sometimes the people you're meant to be with aren't the people you end up with. _

_He vows to himself to try and forget Gabby. To give himself fully to Hallie once again. Gabby wasn't here. Hallie was. And she deserved to have the full version of him. _

_So he says 'I do' and when they kiss to consummate the marriage he doesn't feel the sparks that he always did when the other girl kissed him and his heart doesn't to a complete flip and in a lot of ways it feels like everything is closing in on him, but he pushes that all away and stares at the girl in front of him. She looks happy, and he decides that maybe that is enough to make him happy. _

_He loves Hallie, he does…_

_He just hopes that love is enough._

_**Don't let me go, Don't let me go  
Don't let me go, Don't let me go  
Don't let me go, Don't let me go**_

He realizes now that he was naïve to think that he could ever get Gabby out of his mind, or that he and Hallie could live off 'love' for the rest of their lives. Gabby came back into his life and effectively ruined all the thoughts he'd had of 'getting over her', like he could ever really do that. And within the first year of marriage, before Gabby had even reentered his life, he had started to fall out of love with her.

Oh the mess he'd created.

"What are you doing here?" He asks in frustration. After his emotionally draining conversation with Gabby the last thing he wants is to have another with Hallie. Really all he wants is to go after Gabby and prove to her that he wants to run after her. That she was wrong. That he will run after her every day for the rest of his life if that's what she needs from him to believe that she is the one.

She sets her purse down and turns around to face him with angry eyes. "You said you wanted to talk, let's talk."

"Hallie…" He pleads. He doesn't want to do this now. He doesn't want to do this at his work place. He pushes the door closed, the last thing he needs is one of the guys hearing this conversation.

"No, you said you wanted to talk Matt, so we are going to talk! We ignore each other at home, we hide behind work. So talk. Let's talk." She fires. She's riled up and he doesn't really know what has gone down since this morning that has got her like this, but it isn't helping his mood at all.

"Here? At my work. Do you want me to get fired?" He hollers back. His frustration is high and he's not really sure if it's directed at her or at Gabby or at this entire situation. Maybe it's all of it.

She scuffs. "Hell, maybe you'd be home then. Maybe we'd see each other more than a couple times a week!"

He growls out in frustration running his hands through his hair. He's tired of this fight. He's tired of it all. "I'm never home?! Dammit, Hallie, neither are you! Don't just blame it on me!"

"Why? Why shouldn't I?! You've been distant for months now! Hell, you've been distant for much longer than that if we're being honest here!" He can't find words to reply to that. He'd always wondered if she noticed his distance. If she ever took note of when he stopped being able to give all of himself to her. Apparently she had, he just wondered how long she'd been noticing it all.

"You've been just as distant." He growls out, because she had. She'd been pushing him away for months, maybe longer.

She ignores his words and continues yelling and he feels his anger and frustration and so many emotions boiling over. "…I mean God, Matt, where the hell have you been? You're never around, and when you are you aren't really there. You're off in your own little land! We hardly communicate. We don't… we don't have sex. What the hell has you out all the time?! What…"

"I've been seeing someone!" He yells, cutting her off and shocking the both of them. She takes a step back and her eyes are hard, angry, hurt, confused. But the one emotion he is missing is sadness and he's confused by that as he briefly thinks of all the sadness he always see's in Gabby's eyes when they are fighting. The sadness that was in her eyes when she found out he hadn't told Hallie yet. Now here Hallie is and there isn't an ounce of sadness and he tries not to think about that too much. "I'm seeing someone… I, I've been with someone…" He says quitter now.

_AMBULANCE 61, TRUCK 81, SQUAD 3… HOUSE FIRE ON…_

He looks at Hallie as she stares back at him. His eyes ashamed and apologetic, her eyes cold and angry.

"I'm sorry…" He whispers and he's rushing out the door of his office.

_**We're falling apart and coming together again and again  
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again**_

He rounds the corner and he bumps in to Gabby in the coat room and before he can stop himself he is pulling her too him before she can walk out. They are the only two left in there and he can still see the upset look on her face, and it spurs him on. He knows there is a call waiting, but he just can't leave this room without saying this. There is always something getting in the way with them, and he's not going to let it happen in this moment.

He pushes her gently up against the wall and he kisses her long and tenderly, putting as much passion and love into that kiss that he can manage.

When he pulls away her eyes are confused and he cups her cheek and rests his forehead on hers. "It's you. Okay? Don't ever doubt that again, please." He pleads and she nods gently. "I promise you, Gabby. And I mean it this time. Everything is going to be okay. Okay? Soon the whole world will know you're my girl." He whispers with conviction, kissing her softly and when he feels her smile into the soft kiss he can't help the relief that washes over him.

He hears one of the guys calling his name and his brushes his lips against hers gently one more time. "I love you. I love you, so much." He winks and pulls away from her and turns to the door.

"I love you, too!" She calls after him and they are both stepping into their separate rigs and rushing off to the scene.

_**Don't let me go, Don't let me go  
Don't let me go, Don't let me go  
Don't let me go, Don't let me go**_

All he could hear was the creaking of the floors and the groans of the building. Chief had said he had one minute, 2 minutes ago, but he had to go back. There was a baby trapped in a room and he wasn't leaving without her.

He'd sent Hermann on his way with the baby's mother and now he was fighting his way through the flames trying to find his way out of this building.

The flames were hot and he was positive the flames had burned through in a few places of his gear, but he tried not focusing on any of that. He could hear Chief calling for an update, but he didn't have a free hand to call through the radio. Too busy gripping the baby to his chest and trying to keep it safe.

"Casey! I need a report!" He hears the Chief call and in the background here hears Hermann talking about what transpired inside the building, and he hears another very distinct voice talking to herself. _Gabby_. He hears her very clearly. Her voice pleading softly. "_Come on, come on…"_

He tries to push her from his thoughts as he hits the bottom floor, but she is all he is thinking about. Pushing himself forward. He needs to get out of here. He needs to get to her. To make her his, finally. Once and for all. He rushes forward only to feel the ceiling cave in, a beam coming down and hitting his head, pinning him in place.

Smoke floods out of the entrance to the building as a crash is heard inside and Gabby feels her heart leap. Oh God.

"Mayday! Help Casey!" Chief and all the guys are rushing inside pulling on masks and she is left on the outside with a tear trailing down her cheek. Please God. Please let him be okay. Come on, Casey.

She hears them shouting through her radio as they reach Matt, his radio still on live.

It feels like an eternity until he comes stumbling out of the building, but when she spots the blood in his mask and he falls to his knees it does nothing to ease her worries and she plops down in front of him, taking the baby from him and passing it off to another medic before putting her sole focus on Matt as the rest of the guys come rushing out of the building behind him.

"Oh God…" She breathes out as his mask is pulled off and she is holding his head in her hands, his dazed and confused eyes meeting hers as they flutter as he slips in and out of consciousness. "Come on, Matt…" She cries softly, feeling his racing pulse.

He's being lifted on the back board and they are all rushing him to ambulance. Her and Severide jump in the back and Shay is speeding off as they rush in the back to get him on the monitor.

His eyes open cautiously and he breathes out her name. "Gabs…" Her hand is in his in and instant, giving it a reassuring squeeze, not caring if Severide sees the action and not caring about the tears in her eyes or the desperation in her voice.

"I'm right here, I'm right here… Stay with me." She whisper, using her other hand to brush the hair from his face, looking for the source of where all the blood on the side of his head was coming from.

His eyes slip closed once again and she assumes he's slipped back into unconsciousness. "I love you." He whispers softly and Severide's eyes snap to the both of them and she is looking at Matt in desperation, but has no time to reply before his body is convulsing roughly.

"Dammit." She cries as he flails on the cot. She tries pulling the mask onto his face, trying to give him oxygen as he continues to convulse, the heart monitor skyrocketing. "Dammit Matt come on." She cries, the tears flowing freely. Severide trying to help hold him down, his own tears resting in his eyes, and looking at the two of them confused. "Come on, Matt. Not like this. Not like this!" She cries pleadingly.

She wasn't ready to lose him. She couldn't lose him, they were just about to get their chance. They were going to be together. This couldn't be happening. Not like this.

_**Don't let me go, Don't let me go  
Don't let me go, Don't let me go  
Don't let me go, Don't let me go**_

**Don't mind me while I go hide from all of you…  
For those that wanted some Casey whump, you got it!**

**So Shay was disappointed, but of course supportive of her best friend. They've known each other basically all their lives in this story, how could she not be? How'd you guys feel about her reaction? Was it the typical Leslie Shay behavior that we all know and love?**

**Those darn bells, always ruining a good convo, huh? **

**Things are definitely heating up all around, hope you're all still with me on this ride!**

**Review, Review, Review please!**

**(And can I just say how excited I am that a lot of the writers on here are out of school for the summer! Hopeful that you all did great on finals and are ready for a long summer hiatus of the show with lots of FanFic updates to tie us over! I adore all your stories! Looking forward to a summer full of reading!)**

**XxXx**


	8. Don't Say

**A/N: Hello all you lovely souls. Back again for chapter 8. How much do you all hate me for leaving it like that? I know, but I promised an update soon, and here it is. Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter! I really appreciate it!**

**My other story 'Headlong Towards Disaster' has been updated for those that keep up with that one, go check it out and let me know what you think, please!**

**(This song is so beautiful. It's an OTH original that I stole from a scene in 6x10 of the show. So good. I'm in love with it, and it just fits beautifully in with the feel of this chapter. Check it out!)**

_I still own nothing. What a shame. _

Chapter 8: Don't Say  
St. Lola And The Fields

_**Don't fight, don't fight, don't fight  
Don't do it again  
Don't scream, don't scream, don't scream  
Don't want to hear it again  
Don't say, don't say, don't say  
Don't say you're leaving this time**_

She'd been sitting at his side for over an hour now. Watching him sleep peacefully. His face was pale and there was a bruise and a cut on his forehead and cheek and his head was bandaged heavily. He looked nothing like the man that had kissed her and told her he loved her right before that call. The call that had done this to him. He'd been in surgery for 6 hours and she'd waited with baited breaths to hear news from the doctor on how the surgery went. She'd paced the hospital waiting room and cried into Shay's shoulder and when the doctors had told her that he was going to be having brain surgery she had ran from the room down the hall in search of him. Finding him lying still on the bed being prepped for surgery. When she broke down in the hallway outside that room she was wrapped up in Kelly Severide's strong embrace and he'd led her back to the waiting room soon after and she'd been tucked into her blonde best friends side until the doctors had come back and given them the news.

He was alive.

He was bruised and battered, and he'd slipped into a coma, but he was alive. And that had made her cry a fresh set of tears.

Now she sits here in the silence of the stuffy hospital room in the ICU. They were keeping him in here overnight before moving him to his own room. He was only allowed one visitor at a time and no one had protested when she was on her feet first, looking at them all pleadingly before following the doctor down the hall. She'd needed to see him. She'd needed to see for herself that he was alive.

He'd promised her right before that call that everything would be okay. That they'd be okay. She was clinging to that right now, just as much as she was clinging to his strong hand that was grasped tightly in hers.

Silent tears sliding down her face, she'd long ago stopped trying to wipe at them, the effort was futile more tears came.

Everything was a mess right now, but none of it mattered except for the man in front of her. The man that had been there for her for as long as she could remember. The man that held her heart. The man that had put her through the most in her life. The man she loved more than anything. The man that gave her a child, a child that they lost together. She couldn't lose him too.

She'd just gotten him. She wishes she could take back walking out of his office. The words she said. But the only thing that is making what she said and how she walked away fathomable is that he had kissed her and promised her words that she knew he meant right after. That he'd told her he loved her, so much… It's like he knew something was going to happen to him and he'd wanted to make sure they didn't end it all that way.

She has a terrible thought in the back of her head that is telling her he whispered he loved her to her before he started convulsing because he knew… he knew something was happening to him and he couldn't go without telling her. Now she is just wishing that she'd had a chance to say those words back. That he'd been able to hear them one more time.

She sighs and sniffles and squeezes his hand tighter. No. That wasn't the last time. He was going to wake up, he had too. She refused to believe anything otherwise.

"I love you, Matt, so much… Please, please baby. You've got be okay. You've got to come back to me baby. I… I can't live without you…" She cries softly. Hoping that somehow, somewhere he was listening. "Just… just squeeze my hand, if you can hear me…" She says softly, looking from his face to the hand that was clasped in hers and back again. Receiving nothing in reply.

She hears a commotion at the desk a few feet down from his open door, and she really wishes that the voice wasn't familiar, but she knows exactly who it is. It's his wife.

The hospital and a few of the guys had been trying to get a hold of her for hours now with no luck. Nearly 8 hours since the call and she's finally shown up, Gabby thinks bitterly. Because now she is going to have to leave his side, so his wife can be with him and that is just the worst feeling in the world. She wipes at her tears and tries to compose herself and she kisses his forehead and whispers an 'I love you, baby' in his ear before squeezing his hand again and resting her hands in her lap and waiting for the door to open that will signal her cue to leave.

A moment after that thought Hallie is rushing in to the other side of the bed. "What the hell, happened?" She questions.

Looking Matt over and taking his hand almost cautiously, something that doesn't go unnoticed by Gabby.

She clears her throat, hoping that it doesn't sound as rough as she feels, though she knows that it'll be pretty hard to hide her emotions when her eyes are red and her cheeks are blotchy and it is oh so obvious that she's spent the better part of the past few hours crying, but for some reason she doesn't care. She doesn't care if Hallie sees her as an emotional mess, because as she looks at Hallie there are no tears in her eyes and she wonders how the hell this woman isn't crying over the man that could have very well died and she wonders where the hell she's been for the past 6 hours and how she couldn't answer her phone.

She really hates the woman in front of her right now and she knows maybe she has no reason too, but she can't stop it.

"He uh, had an epidural hematoma… they stopped the bleeding, but he slipped into a comma, they've been monitoring him, waiting for him to wake up." She says softly, trying to keep her voice steady.

Hallie doesn't really acknowledge her words, and only nods softly, still just starring at the man in front of her and Gabby slowly stands from her seat. Hallie takes her in now and Gabby realizes she must look a mess. Her face is pale and her eyes are red and exhausted, her hair is a mess and half falling out of the pony tail, and she is sure her cheeks are still red from crying, along with her nose. She is still in her work clothes that are covered in blood. Matt's blood, but she hadn't had a chance to worry about any of that, too focused on the man in front of her. She knows if Matt was awake right now he would still tell her she was beautiful and that makes her heart ache and she has to look to the floor at Hallie's intense stare on her.

"They only want one person here at a time… So, uh, I'm gonna go…" She says softly, taking in Matt's form one more time before turning to the door with a heavy heart.

"Gabriella…" Hallie calls out and she turns slowly, already half way out the door. "Thanks for staying with him." She says and Gabby notices once again that there is an unreadable expression on her face, but still no tears in her eyes and she's never resented this woman more as she tries to hold her own tears back at just the thought of having to leave Matt's side right now.

She nods, and offers up a small smile, it's all she can manage. "Take care of him." She says then, meaning it in so many ways, letting the door fall closed behind her and not bothering to stop the tears as the flow down her face.

_**Don't you, don't you, don't you know  
You're all I have in this life  
So drop the sword and hear me out  
Down on the floor, just hold me**_

"Hey, how are you?" Shay questions. Stepping into the hospital room for the 8th day in a row and resting a comforting hand on her friends shoulder. Gabby sighs as she looks up at her friend with a yawn.

"Fine." She mumbles softly, looking at the blonde man that laid still in the bed.

Shay sighed as she stared at the blonde Lieutenant in the hospital bed. Someone she respected. Someone she loved as a friend, a brother. Then she looked to her best friend at his bed side. She's been wearing herself thin the past week. Learning the schedule that Hallie came to see Matt, and spending any free time she could at his bed side. She'd barely slept, barely ate, and Shay was starting to worry.

She knew her friend was worried for the man that she loved, but she also knew that Casey wouldn't want this for her. He'd want her to take care of herself. He'd want her to eat and sleep and be healthy. Not spending every waking moment at his bed side that his wife wasn't there.

"Maybe you should go home and get some rest, Gabs…" She prods gently, but her friend shakes her head vehemently.

"I'm not going anywhere, Shay." She says sternly, not bothering to meet her eyes, but she feels her eyes water as she squeezes Matt's hand in hers, waiting, hoping, to feel him squeeze it back.

"Gabs…"

"God, Shay… why isn't he waking up?" She breathes out, her tears spilling over and Shay pulls her into her arms quickly.

"Oh honey, he will. He just needs time to heal." She whispers comfortingly.

Shay leaves soon after and Gabby sits for a while longer, resting in her usual chair and holding his head, every once in a while running her fingers through his short hair that had been uncovered and was slowly growing back over the week.

She'd been here every night, sleeping in the recliner beside him, and any day she had free of work, learning the schedule easily of when Hallie showed, which wasn't all that often. Almost always in the afternoons, and she never stayed for much longer than a couple hours. Gabby didn't understand any of it. She could barely pull herself from Matt's beside. She'd never resented Hallie in all the years of this. She couldn't. It had never been her fault. She hadn't resented her when she found out about her. She hadn't resented her the first time Matt picked her over her. She hadn't resented her when they lost the baby. She hadn't resented her when she saw the ring on Matt's finger and found out her was married. She never resented her… until now.

Now she resented her so much it physically hurt her to think about it all. Matt deserved better. She didn't know what had happened between the two before the call came in, but she had heard from Shay that Hallie had been at the firehouse. She didn't know what had happened between the two, she personally didn't care right now. All she cared about was the man that was still unconscious in this hospital bed. And she resented that his wife acted as if she could care less.

She hated that she'd been here every single day this week, even on the one shift she'd been back at work she had stopped in too see him, twice.

She hated that the woman that was supposed to be his wife, -that was supposed to love him, the woman that he had chosen over her multiple times, hadn't been here. And in the few times that she had spotted her, rarely held sadness in her eyes. While she couldn't sleep, could barely eat, and was sick with worry for him. She hated that she had always secretly admired the man that Matt was for trying to do the right thing even if it was such a wrong situation. She hated that this woman was who he'd been doing it for. She hated herself for resenting this woman when she'd been doing such a terrible thing behind her back for so long. But she also really kind of hated Hallie for making her feel the resentment in the first place.

She pushes all those thoughts away and focuses solely on the man in front of her. "I'm here, Matt… I'm here baby… just please come back to me…" She whispers, squeezing his hand in her own.

Hallie walks down the hall and when she comes up to Matt's doorway she is surprised to see Gabriella Dawson sitting at Matt's bedside, her hand over his.

She steps into the room and Gabby jumps at the sound of footsteps and is shocked to see his wife standing behind her. She whirls around and stands from her seat and gives her a nervous smile after a moment of silence. "Hallie… Hey, sorry, I uh, was just visiting." She stutters, shell shocked to see his wife here. She was never usually here this early.

Hallie gives her a confused smile but steps around the bed and looks at his monitors, her medical side taking over. Everything the same as it had been all week. Hallie meets the other woman's eyes and smiles softly. "It's fine." She looks away before giving her another confused look. "I haven't seen you around much." She comments and misses the tension that seeps into the Latinas body.

"I've stopped by a little, but I, uh, just been a crazy week…" She trails off, lying easily… Hallie didn't need to know of all the sleepless nights she'd spend in that chair or all of the conversation's she'd had with Matt's sleeping form.

Hallie eyes the nervous girl confusedly. Something about her behavior throwing her off. "You okay, Dawson?"

Gabby doesn't like the almost accusing voice that she uses and instead of saying anything, just nods softly and pulls her jacket on. "I'm fine, just gonna go, give you some time with him."

Hallie nods, but can't help but push the situation as she watches her walk to the door. "You sure you don't want to stay? I'm sure he'd love to see you when he woke up." She says sweetly and Gabby freezes in her place and turns back toward her slowly, her nerves on overdrive. Did Hallie know? "I mean, you're one of his best friends after all." She clarifies and Gabby takes a slow breath.

She bites back all her feelings and looks at Matt's sleeping form for another moment before looking back at Hallie and smiling softly. "Yeah, but you're his wife… he'll be happy to see you." She says lowly, before walking away, and she isn't really sure whether the last words to leave her mouth are true or false.

_**Don't take, don't take  
Don't take it so lightly  
When you say, you say  
You say you love me**_

_Walking through the door after a long shift all he wants to do is crawl into bed and sleep the day away. He's grumpy and exhausted and a nap is overdue… and then he hears laughter from the kitchen and he can smell something amazing cooking and his mood is starting to turn for the better. When he steps into the doorway and takes in the sight before him, his chest swells with love and he's officially decided that he doesn't even remember what he was grumpy about, and how he ever could be grumpy in the first place. His girls are at the counter making what looks to be muffins and he's got to say, they're looking adorable. _

_Gabby's hair is up in a low ponytail, her long hair that she's been growing out in curls down her back and a simple V-neck shirt tucked into one of his favorite pairs of ripped jeans, and the apron tied around her waist is completing the ensemble and he realizes there will never come a day that his wife's beauty doesn't blow him away. _

_Lilly is in a sun dress with an apron slung over her chest and flour on her cheek and her caramel skin and brown eyes are shinning up at her mother's as she helps her pour the batter with a bright smile on her face. There's music playing in the background and when a song Lilly likes come on she squeals in delight and begs her mother to turn it up louder and Gabby laughs before doing just that. No one has ever been able to say no to the 4 year old, and he doesn't think that will ever change. Lilly sings along, and Gabby joins in every few versus, her hips swinging to the old song. All of this goes down without him being noticed and he is positive he is the luckiest man in this world. _

_He's got a beautiful wife that he loves more than he ever thought was possible and a beautiful little girl that looks just like his wife, her hair is a little darker than his, but not near as dark as his wife's, and his own features are thrown in there, and he loves her more than anything. They're his girls. His family, and they love him back just as fiercely. That fact is only proven when his daughter squeals. "Daddy!" Before jumping down from her stool and running at him full force. He catches her quickly as she jumps into his arms and he throws her up in the air lightly, her laughter bouncing off the walls before pulling her in tight and snuggling her close. 24 hour shifts are always the worst because it means a full day away from his little girl. _

"_Lillian Maria Casey, you've got flour everywhere." Gabby scolds lightly, but she is laughing through her words and they all know the little girl isn't in trouble. As she snuggle into her Daddy's arms she flashes him a smirk that matches his own and shrugs innocently at her mother's words. _

"_Sorry Mommy." She says sweetly and if she weren't already forgiven she would be after that. _

_Matt shakes his head at their interaction and sets Lilly back down on her stool before wrapping his arms around Gabby and kissing her neck, her jaw, her cheek, and forehead, and then finding her lips and placing a sweet kiss there. "Hi baby." He whispers against her lips and feels her smile as she pulls away. _

"_Hi, how was shift?" She questions and he only rolls his eyes in reply and holds her a little closer. _

"_Fine. How are my girls?" He asks and Lilly perks up considerably when she is brought back into the conversation. _

"_Mommy and I are making you muffins!" She exclaims excitedly, stealing another chocolate chip out of the bowl and he grins at her. She's just too damn cute for her own good. She gets it from her mother. _

"_For me?" He questions overly enthusiastic and Lilly giggles and he feels Gabby's laugh vibrate through him at where she still stands wrapped in his arms. _

"_Of course, Daddy." The little girl beams and Matt's heart swells. Gabby kisses his cheek and turns to put the muffins in the oven and grabs the fruit out of the fridge before turning back to Lilly and helping her take the apron off. _

"_Thank you very much, Lilly bug, now go wash up so we can eat." She grins, kissing the little girl on the head before setting her on the ground. She scampers off down the hall and when Gabby turns away from him to finish up the other tasks at hand he grabs her hand and pulls her back to him. This family was everything he ever wanted, everything he ever needed, and he has this beautiful woman to thank for all of it. _

_He kisses her tenderly and looks down into her eyes. "You know I love you, right?" He says sweetly and she is smiling back at him and patting his cheek affectionately. _

"_Why I am pretty found of you too, Mr. Casey." She jokes lightly and he growls and pulls her closer and a laugh vibrates through her chest as she kisses him. "I love you too."_

"_You better Mrs. Casey." He breathes into her ear and smirks when a shiver runs down her body and she sends him a playful glare. _

_They're pulled apart a minute later when he hears little footsteps running back down the hall. "Quit kissing Mommy, Daddy. Let's eat!" She giggle running past them and with one last kiss to his wife he is taking off after his daughter. _

_**I miss, I miss  
I miss the way we would laugh  
I wish, I wish, I wish  
I wish that we could go back**_

He can hear a very distinct voice talking to him, but he is too wrapped up in his dream land to understand the words yet. His thoughts are full of Gabby and Lilly and he isn't sure what he just dreamt, but he's pretty positive he was in a world where their daughter never died and he left Hallie.

He and Gabby got their happy ever after, and their daughter was still with them. He want's nothing more than to go back to that world and never leave it, but there is something pulling him out of it and he shakes his head lightly, but all he feels is dizziness by that action and so he sits still and waits for the voice to make itself clearer.

"…I'm sorry Matt… for everything I said that day in your office and really just everything before that. I'm sorry for being scared of us… just please wake up, please come back to me and I promise I won't be scared anymore…" He hears her whisper and if the voice wasn't already distinct, than he can definitely make it out now. Gabby. "Matt, baby please wake up…" He can hear the tears in his voice and he wants nothing more than to answer her but nothing is leaving his mouth. "I know… I know that whatever little dreamland you are in right now is probably amazing and not half as messy as the real world, but please baby… I need you…" She chokes out and he is sure his heart is breaking. Oh his sweet girl. How he just wants to bring them both back to the world of his dream. Back to where they were happy and everything just seemed simple and perfect and simply perfect and he really isn't sure if he is making any sense and he is sure it probably has something to do with the drugs he is sure he is on.

He can hear Gabby's crying beside him and all he wants to do is hold her in his arms. "…I know I ask every day, but Matt, baby if you can hear me please just squeeze my hand, move your finger, anything… just let me know you're still in there…" She cries and his head spins a little but he forces himself to move to do something. He tries moving his hand and nothing happens. He takes a few calming breathes and tries once more, tightening his grip around the hand in his and he hears her gasp.

"Matt?" She whispers and his mind is hazy but he forces his eyes open and adjusts to the lights around him before focusing on the single figure in the room. Her hair is curly in a way that lets him know she let it air dry from the shower and she is dressed in a sweater and jeans, and there isn't an ounce of makeup on her face, but he is sure she has never looked more beautiful. The one thing he is really disliking is the sadness in her eyes and the tears on her cheeks. "Hey pretty girl…" He croaks out and he hears a sob escape her lips and her eyes fill with fresh tears as she stares at him blankly. He swallows thickly, but manages to find his voice again though it feels dry as ever. "You just gonna… stand there, or do I get… a hug?" He breathes out slowly and another cry leaves her lips before she is flying into his arms and crying into his neck.

"Matt…" She cries, completely at a loss for words. She had to be dreaming, but his arms wrap around her frame and his breath is in her hair and she knows this is all very real and the tears just keep coming.

He goes to say something, but all he can manage is a coughing fit and Gabby pulls away quickly and grabs the water on his night stand and helps him sit up and drink it, taking a seat on the side of the bed. He gulps down some before she is setting it down and when she turns back to him he grabs both her hands and holds them in his. "How long was I out?" He questions her, the events that led him here slowly coming back to his mind.

She bites her lip and looks at him sadly. "12 days." She whispers and his eyes widen, but he says no more and she continues, explaining to him about the brain bleed that they'd fixed and then him slipping into the 12 day comma.

She is crying silently and he reaches up and wipes at her tears after a few beats of silence, only for more salty tears to take the others place. "Hey, what are you crying for Gabs? I'm right here… I'm fine." He reassures softly.

She shakes her head and a few more tears trail down her cheek at that action. "I know, I know… I just… I really thought I was losing you…" She cries and he shakes his head and pulls her down into his arms, tucking her into his side and holding her close. Breathing in her scent and loving every minute of it, what he doesn't love is the feel of her smaller frame against his. Has the girl eaten anything since he's been out? Who's been taking care of her?

He pushes those thoughts away for later and kisses her lips tenderly until he is breathless, which doesn't take much right now, and then looks at her lovingly. "You didn't lose me Gabby. I'm right here… I'm not going anywhere…" He tells her running his hand up and down her back as he hold her too him. "I made you a promise that we would be okay, and I plan to keep that, forever." He whispers.

"I love you… so much." She whispers, snuggling into him and already feeling her body floating away to sleep as she relaxes.

He smiles and kisses her head. "I love you too, baby."

_**I think, I think,  
I think that we could fix it all up  
Don't you, don't you  
Don't you think it'd be worth it for love?  
If I thought you'd do me no harm  
I'd fall, I'd fall into your arms  
**_

He was awoken sometime in the night by a doctor that was doing his usual check up on him. Matt had to hide the laugh in his throat when the doctor realized he was awake, and he quickly realized he or Gabby should have informed someone, but they were too wrapped up in each other to focus on much else. They hadn't been sleeping long, but he was still surprised when Gabby slept tucked into his side while he and the doctor talked and the doctor did a quick check up on him. Gabby had woke up at the end, surprised at the other occupant in the room and had gone to get up, but Matt had simply just pulled her closer. Letting her know she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. That was alright with her.

The doctor left and she fell asleep soon after, but Matt stayed awake, his mind full of so many thoughts. His arms wrapped around her and her body pressed into his side let him know his earlier worries were correct. She hadn't been taking care of herself, and he wanted to be mad about that but he knew in her position he would've been the same, but it didn't mean he wasn't going to scold her on it.

He briefly wonders where his wife is, but can't seem to have it in him to care much. He assumes she hasn't been here at all after the bomb he dropped on her. He can't say he blames her.

He drifts off to sleep awhile later and he wakes up in the morning to feel fingers feathering through his now much shorter hair and a content sigh leaves his lips as he fully makes his way into consciousness, meeting her brown eyes. "Hey you."

She smiles brightly. "Hey." She snuggles back into his chest a moment later and breathes him in. He's been in the hospital for 13 days now and he reeks of the very distinct hospital smell, but he still has his own scent to him. He's just him. He's awake, and alive, and he's hers.

"Someone was tired." He comments lightly and she nods into his chest, not moving from her place, but relishing in the feel of being in his arms again. "Maybe if you'd gone home and slept at night…" He trails off teasing lightly, but there is also a sterner tone to his voice.

She looks at him shocked, she hadn't told him that. "Did you… did you hear me every night?" She breathes out surprised.

He chuckles softly and shakes his head. "I heard bits and pieces here and there, but actually the nurse ratted you out." She blushes and he kisses the top of her head. "I love you for worrying about me, Gabs… but you need to go home and rest, eat something too please." He pushes, his worry for her evident.

She finally meets his eyes and caresses his cheek. "I'm fine baby… Stop worrying about me."

He shakes his head at her words. That was easier said than done, and she knew that.

She's silent for a few moments, both of them just happy to be in the other's arms. "Hey babe…"

"Hmm?" He hums in response and watches as she looks up at him warily.

"Shay, she uh, she said that Hallie was at the firehouse… before the call?" She questions slightly confused. She'd almost forgotten about that little bit of information.

He sighs and nods his head. "She was." He confirms. "We got into a fight… I, uh… I told her." He says timidly and her eyes snap to his.

"What?" She breathes out.

"I mean, I never got the chance to tell her who or how or anything… I told her I was seeing someone, that I'd been seeing someone… then the bells rang and the call came and well you know the rest…" He says softly.

She nods and takes in his words, Hallie's behavior making sense now. She was cautious around Matt, and Dawson was sure that was because she didn't know how to feel around him. She had conflicting emotions to be there for him, but to also want nothing to do with him for doing that to her.

She instantly felt bad for the resentment she'd felt towards the woman, and while maybe some of it was still there, she pushed the rest away. She didn't deserve to feel that resentment.

She looks at him warily for a moment before speaking. "What are we gonna do, Matt?"

He sighs. He really didn't know. "We'll figure it out. You and me, I promise." He tells her. With her at his side nothing else mattered. His recovery didn't seem so scary and telling his wife the truth seemed more like a beginning than an ending.

"You and me." She whispers back, those words sounding amazing in her head.

Her stomach grumbles loudly and he quirks a brow at her and she huffs before sitting up and pulling away from him and he laughs when she scowls.

"Okay fine, I will go eat. But I'll be back soon. Okay?" She finally concedes and he smiles at winning that little battle.

She smiles at him softly, happily and when she turns to go he is grabbing her hand and pulling her back to face him. She meets his eyes in confusion.

"I love you, so much, Gabs."

She smiles brightly and leans down to kiss him softly. "I love you, too, baby. I'll be back." She promises before making her way out the door.

She grabs a muffin and a cup of fruit and a much needed coffee and eats quickly in the cafeteria before making her way back down Matt's hall. She's only been gone about 20 minutes and she knows he will laugh at her, but she doesn't care. She just wants to be with him. To be around him. He's awake and all she wants to do is spend all of her time with him. Making sure this is all real. That he really woke up last night and he is really saying all these amazing things to her.

She can't wipe the smile off her face as she rounds the corner to his room. She's got a coffee in her hand and another muffin wrapped up for him that she knows he will love. It's chocolate chip- his favorite. But when she is only a few feet from his room and can see very clearly through his open door the coffee and the muffin fall from her hand and crash to the floor and it kind of feels like her world is falling down with it.

Hallie is at Matt's bedside, sitting where she was sat only 20 minutes ago. There is a bright smile on her face and she kisses Matt's cheek before they are embraced in a hug. Matt's eyes meet Gabby's as his wife holds him tight and he feels like his heart is breaking at the look on her face.

Gabby watches a look she's seen a few times now over the years cross his face and she feels her throat tighten and her eyes burn and she doesn't bother with her dropped items or her jacket that she knows is still sitting slung over a chair in Matt's room, she's just happy she brought her purse with her.

She practically runs from the hospital, fleeing from him and everything he makes her feel. Fleeing from the sight of his wife in his arms and the look of almost shame that was on his face.

She was naïve to think that he would ever really choose her over his wife…

_**Don't take, don't take  
Don't take it so lightly  
When you say, you say  
You say you love me**_

**Well, well, well…**

**Craziness. Just remember, things aren't always as they seem… Hmm. **

**I'm only about two chapters ahead right now, but I am so excited for you guys to get to read them. This is easily becoming one of my favorite stories to write. So much fun to play with the different world and dynamic. **

**Thank you all for reading! The reviews kind of slowed down the last chapter, so I hope you are all still with me!**

**Review, review, and let me know what you thought!**

**xXx**


	9. Keep You

**A/N: Hello! Sorry, this took a little longer. Writing has been a little slow the past week for me. I try really hard to give you all long chapters to read, but keep in mind those also take a longer time to write. Most of the time a chapter takes me a couple days to a week to write, and that's when I have the inspiration to write. So when I don't have inspiration, it takes a while. But all the great reviews and encouragement you guys give helps so much! So thank you for all the continued support for this story. I really appreciate all of you who take the time to share your kind words. **

**I'm working really hard to finish up the next chapter of 'Headlong Towards Disaster'. Be patient with me, I promise to have it up as soon as I can! **

**Hope you all enjoy this one, I really do. It's the longest chapter yet. One flashback in this one, and you get to see some of Gabby's past while she was in New York during those 6 years. Shout out once again to my Grey's fans that catch the dialogue! **

**THIS SONG. Lord, Jennifer Nettles is a rock star. Her voice. Her lyrics. Everything about it is so beautiful. I didn't have a song in mind for this chapter like I usually do before writing, but once I heard this one again it fit in perfectly. I'm in love with it and all that it brings to this chapter. Check it out!**

_I own nothing related to CF, the story line idea, well that was all me, ha. _

Chapter 9: Keep You  
Sugarland

_**We said goodbye. Tried a hand at magic.  
But we couldn't make us disappear.  
Not a day goes by I don't wish I had you.  
So in a way, I'm glad you're still here.  
It's a bittersweet victory.  
Loving the ghost in front of me.**_

When she walks into 51 she has to take a deep breath to calm herself. She knows what today is. She knows he was released back to work. She knows all this because the guys hadn't stopped talking about it and because they were all already lined up waiting for their Lieutenant to show up when she'd arrived that day.

She hadn't seen him since that day in the hospital. Two weeks ago. She hadn't seen him or felt him, and the only reason she'd heard his voice is because of the voicemail he'd left her. Two of them actually. Pleading with her to call him back. She didn't, and she never answered any of his texts either. She couldn't. She saw what she saw and she knew what she knew. He'd chosen Hallie and she had to live with that. She wouldn't be that girl anymore. He'd promised her he'd leave Hallie. That they would be together, and that hadn't happened. She didn't want to hear another excuse or explanation, she'd heard enough over the years.

So she'd ignored his calls and his messages and she hadn't gone to see him again. She knew he was released to go home only a few days after he'd woken up, and she knew he'd been home recovering. She'd heard as much from the guys and Shay. But she wouldn't jump in on the conversation. He was home and recovering. With his wife.

His wife that he had once again chosen over her. She wouldn't give in to him again. She couldn't. She had to be strong.

But when Matt walks through the door and all the guys are welcoming him back with hugs and pats on the back and it finally reaches her turn he gives her a pleading look and she hugs him quickly, barely letting their bodies touch before she is pulling away and whispering a 'welcome back' before turning away from him. She may not want to be around him, but she still had to keep up appearances for the rest of the house.

She's ignoring him, and he doesn't like it one bit.

Sure he may deserve it, but she was also not giving him a chance to explain what she'd seen or what he knows she has been assuming for the past two weeks. She is jumping to conclusions and building her brick wall back up and he hates every second of it. He wants to explain to her that Hallie had told him she was glad he was okay. That she'd hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, but told him she needed some time and that she would be leaving to work in a clinic for a few days. A few days turned into two weeks and she still wasn't home. He hadn't had a chance to speak with her, and he was a little upset that she would just run away from their situation instead of staying to talk. It was something he was used to, the running away, but it still frustrated him. He wanted to tell Hallie the truth and she was making it really damn hard to do so.

He wants to tell Gabby that what she walked in on was Hallie being relieved that he was okay, and that was it. But Gabby had walked away, and Hallie had left soon after to pack for her trip and he had been left alone with his thoughts. Severide had stepped up as caretaker, not that he needed very much. After being knocked out for those nearly two weeks his scarring had begun to heal, and he had surprisingly woken up with his memory. The doctors had released him, although somewhat reluctantly and told him to be careful. His head was still compromised and another hit to it could do some lethal damage.

Right now it wasn't his head he was worried about that was in physical pain, it was his heart and he was trying to sort it all out, but the girl who held it would barely look at him. He feels like he's back in time over a year ago when she first showed up at 51 and first put all those defenses up. Now so much has happened in that year, in the past few months more so, and he doesn't know how he is going to tear those walls back down.

But he's not going to stop trying until she lets him back in.

He bumps into her in the locker room and he sighs when she looks away from him and won't meet his eyes. "Gabby, please… can we talk about everything?" He pleads.

She shakes her head. "There's nothing to talk about Matt." She whispers and he sighs.

"So that's it? You're just walking away again? You're done." He says, his words ripping through her.

She takes a shaky breath, mustering up all the strength she can as she meets his eyes. "I… I can't do this anymore… I'm done." She whispers.

He goes to say more, to fight back, but the bell is ringing and they are both taking off to their separate rigs.

_**Now I can't laugh, can't cry.  
And I can't run, can't hide.  
What do I gotta do?  
What do I gotta do to keep you?  
What do I gotta do to keep you from doing this to me?**_

"You wanna tell me why you are still giving Matt the ice queen act?" She teases as they drive to the call, following behind Squad 3 and Truck 81.

Gabby sends her a glare from her spot in the passenger seat and Shay rolls her eyes. "He's back with Hallie, he isn't leaving her and I'm done being that girl. I need to move on." She says unconvincingly and Shay scuffs.

"Oh please. First off he isn't back with Hallie, and second off from the story I've been told the two of you trying to move on is the joke of the century."

Gabby looks at her confused, "Shay I saw them, he… They're together." She whispers, her voice full of hurt.

"You saw them two weeks ago, Gabs, when he was waking up from a comma. They've been together how many years? Even if they hate each other, or he was leaving her, there is still going to be some relief from her that he's alive... And, anyways, from what Severide has said Hallie is never home. You need to talk to Casey." She tells her, giving her a pointed look.

The brunette gives her a look, what did she mean Hallie hadn't been home. "Shay…" She trails confused and warning. She didn't want to get into this right now.

Shay pulls up to the scene and before either hops out she gives her friend another look. "Both of you just need to quit with the dramatics and make a choice, talk to each other. Haven't you learned by now that life is short?" She says softly, looking as Casey hops out of the truck and throws his helmet on.

Gabby takes a deep breath thinking about how short life really was as she thought about the call a month ago that almost took his life.

She nods to Shay and they are both hoping out of the rig and jumping into action.

Gabby and Shay wait outside as a few of the men enter the bank. It's silent for a while as they wait to hear what is happening inside. Shay and Gabby share a look with the Chief as they all wait it out, Chief calls into the radio, asking for a report.

"Uh, Chief, do not attempt entry… There is a fire, but we have a hostage situation in here…" Casey's cautious voice sounds through the radio and Dawson feels her heart stop.

It's another minute later that two men come running out, followed by many more victims and then Severide and Capp. Matt was still inside. She takes another shaky breath and Shay gives her a concerned look as she sees the worry in her eyes. "He'll be okay. Come on, we got victims, Dawson." She says carefully, pulling her over to the ambo where the victims were lining up to get oxygen.

Dawson follows her and jumps into work mode, but her eyes keep lingering on the door to the bank and waiting impatiently to see him come out. She can't go through this again. _Not like this. Not again._

It's another two minutes later that a gunshot rings out and she feels her blood run cold. No…

Her eyes dart to Shay's and then back to the Chiefs, waiting for an update. Why weren't they running in to see what happened? She feels her throat tighten and she can barely keep her breathing under control as she tries to help the people in front of her, but at the moment she can barely help herself.

Then the doors are opening and Mouch is exiting with a woman, a moment later Casey steps out pulling a bloodied man behind him.

He's coughing like crazy, but otherwise looks alright and she tries to get her breathing under control again. His eyes meet hers and she takes a deep breath and he smiles at her softly, reassuringly.

She send him a gentle smile back.

Maybe talking to him wouldn't be such a bad thing after all, life is too short, she thinks as she tries to get her heartrate under control.

_**I wrote a couple of notes.  
One in love, one in anger.  
They're lying there dying in the dresser drawer.  
Lived louder than my voice. Struggled through a stranger.  
He loved me until I loved you even more.  
It's a bitter sweet victory.  
Knowing someone else wanted me.**_

_She'd been in New York for nearly 4 years now and she still hadn't gotten rid of her demons that had sent her here. _

_They'd dulled to an ache, but never fully left her, and she was beginning to think that was just how it would always be. When you leave the love of your life and you lose a child all within a matter of a few months the pain is unbearable. 4 years later the pain was still there eating away at her. The man she loved was halfway across the country, well the last she knew he was. And her child that she never met was in heaven and there was nothing she could do about that. _

_For the longest time she thought it was all just a cruel case of karma. When you cheat with a man that you know is taken and get pregnant with his child and are happy about it, life has a way of coming back on you and taking that happiness away. Karma. She feels like that is what her life had become. She did a terrible thing because she loved a guy more than she ever thought possible and now she is paying for it._

_So maybe that's a little dramatic, but it feels that way some days. She lost him. She lost her child. She lost herself along the way. _

_She'd been trying to rebuild for the past 4 years and an accidental run in with him 2 years ago set her back quite a bit, but it's been 2 years since that and she is trying to move on. She still thinks about him daily, hourly really. And she still thinks about all she lost with him, but she is trying to work through all that. She's the one who left him in the hotel room after all. He walked away many times before she did, but she still did it. She left him and she officially ended it, and she's been regretting that decision ever since she heard the click of the lock on the hotel door behind her. _

_It's all so tragic and sad and heartbreaking and she wishes she didn't think about it all so often, but she does, and she can't stop. _

_She has a good life in New York. It's not the same as Chicago and she misses it there often, but it's still nice. She finished her last year of schooling and became a paramedic. She'd always wanted to be a doctor, but after learning of Matt's girlfriend/fiancé/wife, whatever she was now, she halted that dream. She took some premed classes, but that was as far as she got. She didn't think she could go through with it without thinking about that woman that she unknowingly betrayed, or the man that still had her heart. _

_So she became a paramedic. She vaguely realizes that Matt is a firefighter, and that is still a link to him, but it's much more calming to have a link to him more so than to his fiancé/wife (whatever she is) career wise. _

_She feels arms wrap around her waist and a kiss being pressed to her neck and she relaxes back into the arms. That's the other thing that's been going on in her life. She met someone. _

_He's nice and charming. He's got dark black hair and green eyes and a great body. He treats her right and he makes her feel good. They met 2 years ago in the airport when she returned from Chicago. She was a mess from flying and crying and just stressed in general after her whirlwind trip to the windy city. She'd bumped into him at the baggage claim and she'd been less than pleasant and he had just smiled sweetly at her anyways. She tried ignoring him, but they'd ended up sharing a cab after she'd spent more time than she cared to admit trying to hail one and he did it in a matter of seconds. She'd rolled her eyes at him, but really all she'd wanted to do was get home and lay in her bed and forget about her trip. So she took the ride and he dropped her off at her place and she told him thanks. That was it. _

_Until she bumped into him again a few months later at a book/coffee shop a few blocks from her apartment. He'd spotted her out right away and had insisted on buying her a coffee. It was all so familiar and when she'd flat out asked him if he had a girlfriend right in the middle of the coffee shop he had stared at her stunned, but had laughed afterwards and told her he didn't. _

_They'd been friends for a few short months after that until they had started dating, which they'd been doing for 9 months now. _

_She never told him about Matt, or the baby she lost. It was all too personal and she wasn't ready to talk about it. She'd told him she had a bad romance back in college and she'd came to New York to get away from it, among other things, and she was pleased when he never pushed her. _

_Things were good between them. She stayed over at his place often and he at hers. Things were good. But they weren't great. They weren't half as passionate as the love she found in the blonde man… and no it was not lost on her that her new boyfriend, Jason, looked nothing like the boy who still held her heart back in Chicago. They were polar opposites, and she liked it that way. The last thing she needed to wake up to in the morning and see a blonde head of hair and blue eyes staring back at her. She had that once. In a wild night of too many drinks and a one night stand that she regretted. It wasn't long after she'd returned home from Chicago and it was before her coffee run in with Jason. She'd gone out hoping to numb the pain of the last few years and she'd had too many and when a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes had started hitting on her, Connor, she thinks, she hadn't pushed him away. In fact she'd called him Matt half the night, and the guy had only corrected her a few times, too drunk to care. _

_They'd wound up in her bed that night and when she woke up in the morning to blonde hair and blue eyes her heart had stopped and broke just a little bit more. She'd kicked him out and spent the rest of the day hulled up in her bedroom, after washing the sheets and the memories away, crying over the blonde man she'd wished she would have woken up too. _

_After that any man she even let herself show interest in had been either brunette or black haired. Their eyes were never blue and they never had those dimples that haunted her dreams. They were the opposite of Matt Casey and that was how she liked it. _

_That was how she wanted it to stay. _

_Jason kisses her cheek once again and then pulls his arms from around her and walks to the closet. "I'm gonna go check on supper." She says, moving to the door. _

_He nod and pulls a shirt out of the closet. "I'm going to change, be there in a minute." He sends her a smile and wink and she feels her heart flutter slightly. Not near as much as a blonde man use to make it do, but she tries shaking that thought off. _

_She takes the food out of the oven and pours them both some wine and sets the table. She decides to light a candle and when all of that takes 15 minutes and Jason still hasn't made his way out of the bedroom she goes in search of him. "Babe?" She questions, stepping into the room and spotting him sitting on her side of the bed, his back to her. _

_She walks into the room when he doesn't acknowledge her and when she rounds her side of the bed her heart stops at what's in his hands. _

_His eyes slowly meet hers and she feels tears stinging and her throat tightening. "Jason…" She trails off, not even sure what to say. _

_He holds up the letters that are in his hands and then a sonogram picture. All things that he has taken from the box that is now sitting on the floor by his feet. A box that has been hidden in the deepest corners of her closet. _

"_What is all this, Gabby?" He questions confused, staring at the name on the letter. A name he's heard her say in her sleep before, but never once questioned. He wasn't sure he ever wanted to hear the answer. Looking at the box and all its contents he is starting to think maybe he should have questioned it. _

"_It's… It's nothing…" She whispers, trying to hold her tears at bay at seeing the picture of her and Matt laying at the top of the box and the only sonogram picture she ever got of her baby in Jason's hand. There is only one other sonogram picture out there in the world, and she wonders if he still has it. _

_Jason looks at her accusingly, holding up the letters with Matt's name on the front and then the sonogram picture. "__**This**__, is not nothing."_

"_Jason…" She tries again, she never wanted to have to tell him any of this. It was all still so hard. Losing the baby was hard, talking about Matt was hard. Still loving Matt so much, was hard. _

"_You had a kid?" He questions confused and she feels like the breath was knocked out of her as she shakes her head in the negative. Her tears spilling over. _

"_I had a… I lost it…" She whispers, not meeting his eyes. _

_He stares her down a moment longer before looking back at the letter in his hand and then to the date of the sonogram. It was taken about 4 years ago. "With Matt." He confirms and she nods softly, another tear trailing down her cheek. "He was the relationship that you ran from… that brought you too New York." He confirms once again. _

_She nods mutely, finally meeting his eyes. _

"_I think I should go." He says, standing from the bed. _

_Her body runs cold in panic. "Jason, please…"_

"_You talk in your sleep, you know?" He tells her, meeting her eyes. She looks at him confused. "When we first got together, I thought it was cute… and then you started talking about Matt." He trails off looking at the letter in his hand that had her hand writing on it. She feels like the winds been knocked out of her… Yes, she knew she talked in her sleep sometimes. A blonde man was the one he told her about it years ago. "The first time it happened I tried to push it from my mind. I didn't want to question it. Then it happened a few more times… and I still, I tried not to let it bother me. But it all makes sense now… You're not over him." He says. His voice full of hurt, disappointment, maybe a little anger. _

_She shakes her head, trying to push those words away. She had to be over Matt. She was. "Jason, I…"_

_He's cutting her off and his next words rip through her, because they are her words. Words written on the letter he held. A letter she wrote a few months ago and never sent. "…I love you, Matt, and I always will. But a big part of me wants to hate you for everything you've put me through. I want to hate you for what we did to Hallie. I want to blame it all on you. I want to hate you because you never fought for me. I want to hate you for letting me leave. I want to hate you for promising forever and taking it back…"_

"_Jason…" She breathes out in a plea, begging him to stop. _

"…_but mostly I really want to hate you because you make it impossible to do just that. I hate you because I can't hate you. Because I love you too much to hate you. Because loving you is the only thing I'm certain of, and I'm positive it will always be the only certainty in my life. I hate that I love you. I hate that I left you. I hate that we lost our child and it ruined us. Ruined me. I hate how everything turned into a mess. We were supposed to be together. We were supposed to have forever. And I hate that we'll never get that. I hate that I'll always love you. That you'll always have the other half of my heart no matter how much I try to take it back. I hate that I'm gonna love you forever. And I really hate that you'll never get to know that…"_

_Jason stops and he looks up at her, staring her down as the tears cascade down her trembling chin. She wrote that letter, trying to get her feelings out. It had made her feel better at the time, but hearing those words being read back to her were breaking her heart all over again. Making her hate and miss, and love Matt even more._

_He walks over to her and places the letters and the sonogram picture in her shaky hands before kissing her temple. "I love you, Gabby. But I can't be with someone who is still holding on to someone else. It's not fair to me… and it's not fair to you either. I'm sorry…" He tells her softly. Grabbing his coat off the end of the bed. _

_She turns to him as he walks to her door. "Jason…" She says softly. An apology, and I love you, all on the tip of her tongue. She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know how to fix this, maybe it's too far beyond repair. Maybe it was racing headlong towards disaster all along. Maybe she'd never get to have that happiness again like she'd found in Matt. Maybe this was just how it was supposed to be. She knows it's not fair to beg him to stay. She'll never be able to love him more than she loves Matt, and it's not fair to him. _

_He gives her a soft, reassuring smile, knowing what she wants to say, but can't say. He thinks maybe she was the one for him, but it's clear that he wasn't her one. He knew she had a rocky past before they started this. He'd practically had to beg her to actually take a chance on him. He can't blame her for trying to move on from the guy that clearly hurt her. It's just far too obvious that she can't move on, and he can't stick around and continue to fall even harder for her when she loves someone else. _

"_I know…" He whispers. "I know." He's out the door a moment later and the click of the door doesn't sound as heart breaking as it did two years ago when she was the one walking away from a different man. _

_She's alone again and the tears she sheds has more to do with the letters and pictures, and the box of things that is laying at her feet. She cries for Jason, because she really did start to love him, but she mostly cries for him because once again her and Matt's love has claimed another innocent victim. They've hurt someone else. _

_She spends the night looking through that box of things that she'd kept over the years. A couple pictures. A few letters that Matt wrote her while they were together. A coaster from a bar they frequented. A receipt from their favorite coffee shop. A paper from her report that was covered in coffee from their first meeting. Letters that she wrote and never sent him. A dried flower that he had given her, a lily, her favorite. The door key to that hotel that they said their final goodbye in. And their sonogram picture of the baby that never was. _

_She let herself get immersed in their love story one last time, and then she packed it all back into that box and tucked it away one last time. She promised herself that she wouldn't look at it again. _

_But before doing any of that, she wrote Matt one last letter, and tucked it into that box too. Her final goodbye._

_**Now I can't laugh, can't cry.  
And I can't run, can't hide.  
You get used to the pain, and numb to the sting  
'Till you can't feel anything.**_

She walks down the hall to the bunk room and she can't stop herself when she stops a few feet from his office. Spotting him inside sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. She's been worried about him since that call. When she heard it was a hostage situation and then that gunshot ring out she felt like her world was falling down around her all over again. Like she might lose him again. She wonders if that's how Matt had felt a year ago when she was stuck in a hostage situation alone with a crazed man, the call that brought them back together.

She tried telling herself she was letting him go and she was over him, but she knew that was all a lie. Shay's words kept echoing in her head about how Severide had said Hallie wasn't around. She was confused and intrigued by that. Maybe they weren't together.

_You two need to quit with the dramatics and make a choice…_ Shay's words floated through her head. She choose Matt a long time ago, but he needed to make an official choice. He'd gone back and forth in his choice so many times through the years. Something would happen and it would change things and he'd be changing his mind. She wouldn't let that happen again. He needed to choose, and she needed to hear that official choice. All the 'what ifs' were driving her crazy. She needed to hear the words out of his mouth. If he chose Hallie, then she needed to hear him say it. She needed the slap in the face of those words falling from his mouth for her to move on. She knew it would be rough. But if she ever wanted to get past him, she needed it. She needed the ugly truth.

She steps into his office without knocking and she closes the door softly. His eyes meet hers and she smiles softly. "Hi." She whispers.

"Hey." He says back just as softly. Taking her in, he can see how nervous she is, how hesitant of him she is. He gets up from his seat and draws the blinds. He doesn't know what she is doing in here, she's ignored him all day, but he has a feeling no matter what happens, it's not something for prying eyes to see.

He stands across from her, not sure how much distance she needs right now as she leans against the door gnawing at her bottom lip looking unsure of herself. "I lied…" She whispers, meeting his eyes briefly before looking back at her hands. "I lied earlier… I'm not done… I'm not walking away… I can't. I can't leave you. Not again. But you… you're always leaving me. Always choosing her over me… And I can't do it anymore." She breathes out, her voice becoming tight.

He stares at her now, really stares at her. Taking in her teary eyes and the exhausted look on her face. For the first time really taking in all the pain and hurt he has caused her. That they'd caused each other. "Gabs…" He tries to intervene, but she is cutting him off.

"Shut up…" She stops him, putting her hands up. "Just please, let me do this." She pleads and he leans back into the wall, not being able to protest. "You told me before that I walk away. I walk away from you when things get rough. Well here I am, not walking away. Because I'm in. I'm in this Matt. I'm so in that it's embarrassing, honestly. But I'm only in this if you're in it with me. And just me. I won't be that girl anymore. I can't. It's not fair to me… So you have a final choice. And after you chose I'm done. It's her or me." She breathes out, somehow finding the strength to meet his blue eyes. Her legs feel like jelly and she isn't really sure how she is still standing and remaining calm, but she is forging through. She's giving him the ultimatum that she should have done a long time ago.

He goes to open his mouth again, but she cuts him off again, taking a step closer to him, but still keeping her distance. "You told me I walk away, that I run scared. But I'm done running scared and I'm done hiding from what I feel for you, what I've always felt. So you have a choice… and here it is. Your choice… it's simple. Her or me. And I'm sure she's really great… But, Matt…" She trails off, the tears threatening to fall and her voice tightening, he can feel his eyes watering as he watches her. The inner battle going on in her and the strength she is trying to force to get through this. "…I love you. I've always loved you… In a really, really big, pretend to like your taste in music. Let you eat the last slice of cheese cake, hold a radio over my head outside your window. Unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you… So pick me… choose me… love me…"

She takes a step forward and her lips meet his softly. Needing to believe that won't be the last kiss they share, but knowing if it is, at least she was able to cherish it. She pulls away and blue meets brown and when he goes to open his mouth she shakes her head. Begging him not too. She sees the battle going on in his head. She can read him like an open book.

"You have a choice…" She whispers, stepping away from him and finally letting her tears fall. "Come find me when you decide."

_**You tried to explain, but I couldn't hear it.  
As if your words were my tears.  
Flowing freely, warm and quiet.  
From the edge of my eyes and my ears.  
Then all that disappears.**_

When he steps through his door after shift all he wants is a cold beer, a hot shower, and sleep. When he sees Hallie's bag by the door he knows none of those things are going to happen. She'd been gone for two weeks, since before he was even let out of the hospital, and he hasn't talked to her since she showed up at his bedside after he woke up. He had no idea she's be home today.

He walks down the hall and is surprised to find her at the dining room table. "Hi…" She says almost cautiously. "How was shift?"

He shrugs as he sets his back down and takes a seat across from her. "The usual."

She nods and looks to her hands that are rung together. It's silent for a few moments and he is just about to open his mouth and start to confess when she beats him too it. "I've been thinking…" She starts and he stares down at her. "…about what you said, before your accident. I know we haven't been the best the past few months… years really, and I spent a lot of time thinking about everything… and maybe we could… we could work it out." She says meeting his eyes as they widen in shock, not expecting this from her at all.

"Hallie…" He tries, and she cuts him off. He's realizing that it is kind of pattern with the women in his life today. Not letting him get a word in.

"You said you've been with someone… and I, I really don't want any details Matt. I just, I want us to move past it." He's staring at her dumbfounded now. Surely, she isn't being serious. Him seeing someone else honestly had nothing to do with the collapsing of their marriage. Sure he spent time with Gabby. But they started falling apart years ago, before Gabby came back into the picture. It just slowly started to build until it hit its ugly head. They weren't the couple they use to be, and he knew there was no way they could get back to it.

He goes to interject again, but she cuts him off and her next words send him for a loop. "I know we can get past this, and I know I can't be mad at you for this… Because, I was seeing some too… a few years back…" She confesses, not meeting his eyes and he feels like the wind has been knocked out of him.

"Wait… you…? When?" He asks completely shocked, so many emotions running through him. Shock. Anger. Hurt. Indifference. He's not sure what to feel, but her next words are like a punch to the gut.

She takes a shaky breath. "It only lasted a couple months and he meant nothing… It was a year after my parents accident and I, I was just lost Matt… and I…"

"When, Hallie?" He questions again.

"Once right after my parents accident… it was a onetime thing… and then right after college… while you were in the fire academy, that's when it lasted a few months." She confesses.

He's out of his seat after a moment, running his hands through his hair and pacing back and forth. Anger coursing through him as he calculates it all. Hallie was cheating on him. She was with someone else while he was with Gabby. She was with someone else while he and Gabby were losing their baby… He stayed with Hallie while she was with someone else, while Gabby was so lost after that loss. He… He feels like he could throw up at the realization. He knows he has no right to be mad at Hallie, but he can't help himself. The timing is so screwed up. He was going to leave Hallie. Then they lost their baby and things got messy and he didn't leave her. Gabby pushed him away. He choose Hallie and Gabby left. He picked Hallie over Gabby when she needed him most and all along Hallie was cheating on him during that time. He has no right to be mad. He knows it. Hallie's affair only lasted a few months, Gabby's was on going for years, but he feels so much resentment for the woman in front of him that he feels like he could explode as he paces back and forth in their dining room. He stayed with Hallie, trying to protect her all these years and she cheated on him. Maybe she wasn't the innocent bystander that he always pegged her up to be, maybe all along Gabby was the innocent bystander and he just never knew it. Gabby's words are ringing in his head from earlier today. He had a choice. He wishes he would've made it years ago.

He feels sick to his stomach right now. All the hurt he's caused Gabby is making him feel physically ill. She lost their baby and Hallie was cheating on him and he chose Hallie. He can't even look at her. He can't look at her because when he does all he pictures is her with another man while he holds Gabby on her kitchen floor as she sobs over the loss of their child. All he can see is Gabby's heartbroken face from all those years ago and all he can see is Hallie in the throws with another guy and the thing that is hurting him more is Gabby. He can't even bring himself to be hurt by Hallie's cheating, he's too angry. Angry at Hallie. Angry at himself. Angry at timing, and karma, and fate, and the universe. He's just angry.

He needs to get out of here before he says something he regrets.

"I need to go…" He mumbles, grabbing his coat he'd just taken off.

"Matt!" She hollers after him. "You can't just walk out!" She hollers following him to the door.

"I can't even look at you right now. I just, I need some air." He says, his intense stare glaring at her as he reaches the door.

"You're no better than I am! You can't be mad at me when you've done the same!"

He whirls around and his next words are harsh, an accusing finger pointed her way. "The difference between you and me is that I love the person I was with and yours was just some cheap thing." He barks. His anger off the charts as the door slams closed behind him.

Hallie doesn't miss that he said 'love' not 'loved'…

_**Now I can't laugh, can't cry.  
And I can't run, can't hide.  
Now I can't laugh, can't cry.  
And I can't run, can't hide.**_

He spends 3 hours driving around, trying to sort through the mess that is his life. He debates going to see Gabby, but he can't. He can't see her right now when things are such a mess and he hasn't officially told Hallie it's over. But oh, is it over. He made a choice and that choice is Gabby. He hates that so much time has passed and he's hurt her so much over the years, but right now he can't go to her and make her his. He needs to officially end it with Hallie, but he is just so angry. He's starting to calm down, and he has finally decided to head home, but he can still feel the anger in him and he knows this is going to be a hard conversation.

He spent the last nearly 9 years now trying to protect Hallie. He ended it with Gabby multiple times because he didn't know how to end it with Hallie. He stuck with Hallie because it seemed like the right thing to do. He chose Hallie so many times. He has no right to judge her for cheating. And he isn't mad for himself. He isn't mad that she cheated on him. He's mad for Gabby. He's mad at himself for trying to be a better person and stick with Hallie when he should've just followed his heart and been with Gabby.

He hates how much of a mess all this is. He hates that as much as he resents Hallie, he still feels bad as well. He hates that he still has compassion for her. He hates that he tried protecting her. He hates that Gabby is the one who suffered more from all this than Hallie ever did and he hates that it took so many years for all this to come to light. He hates everything about this situation and he hates that really, he is the only one to blame.

He steps through the door and the apartment is eerily quiet. He calls out Hallie's name and doesn't get a response, but he finds her in the same spot at the dining room table. Only this time he feels his heart stop. She's got a box sitting in front of her and a note in her hands. He isn't sure what all she's seen of the box. If she's gone through its contents fully, read the letters, seen the pictures. He isn't sure. There is an unreadable expression on her face as she looks at the note in her hands. It's one he recognizes well.

It only has a few words on it, but over the years he's read it countless times. He's surprised it's lasted through the years. The small piece of paper thinner than before and crumbled in many places.

Her eyes finally meet his and he takes a deep breath. The truth was finally going to come out tonight. That was for sure. There was no hiding it when years of betrayal was laid out in front of her.

"I think we need to talk…" She says softly, accusingly, hurt in her voice and she lays the note down on the table in the middle of them. Gabby's handwriting glaring up at him. The last little note he ever got from her. The note from the hotel room. Signed with 'Love always, G."

He wonders if Hallie has looked through the rest of the box, and if she hasn't, he wonders if she has figured out who 'G' is. Somehow he knows she has.

He sucks in a breath and swallows deeply, but all that he can manage is a nod in agreement.

This talk was long overdue.

_**What do I gotta do?  
What do I gotta do to keep you?  
What do I gotta do to keep you from doing this to me?**_

**Long overdue, indeed. **

**Next one will pick up where this left off and we will finally see Matt, (and now Hallie) coming clean to each other. **

**Let me know what you thought!**

**Review please! : )**

**xXx**


	10. Say Something

**A/N: An update in the middle of the week to make up for the first week without CF. (Anyone else just sit around Tuesday night watching reruns of 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S' and having no idea what to do with their life? Just me? O-Kay.)**

**Thank you all so much for the support for this story. I hid this story away on my laptop for 5 months before finally letting a friend see it and gaining the courage to post it. So to have so many people say that it is their favorite, or talk about how much they love it… Well, it just means the world after so many months of fear of posting it and having people perceive it badly. So once again, thank you all for your kind words and encouragement!**

**THE longest chapter of this story. Almost 9k words. Grab the tissues, free warning right now, the flashback are a tough one and were crazy emotional to write.**

**Anyways, this song is beautiful and I am sure you all know it well since it was a pretty big hit. I had a tough time finding a song I like for this chapter, and finally chose this one. The Great Big World is amazing and so is Christina Aguilera and this song it so wonderful. Check it out!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

_I own nothing. _

Chapter 10: Say Something  
A Great Big World

_**Say something, I'm giving up on you  
I'll be the one if you want me to  
Anywhere I would've followed you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you**_

_He steps through the door and the apartment is eerily quiet. He calls out Hallie's name and doesn't get a response, but he finds her in the same spot at the dining room table. Only this time he feels his heart stop. She's got a box sitting in front of her and a note in her hands. He isn't sure what all she's seen of the box. If she's gone through its contents fully, read the letters, seen the pictures. He isn't sure. There is an unreadable expression on her face as she looks at the note in her hands. It's one he recognizes well. _

_It only has a few words on it, but over the years he's read it countless times. He's surprised it's lasted through the years. The small piece of paper thinner than before and crumbled in many places. _

_Her eyes finally meet his and he takes a deep breath. The truth was finally going to come out tonight. That was for sure. There was no hiding it when years of betrayal was laid out in front of her. _

"_I think we need to talk…" She says softly, accusingly, hurt in her voice and she lays the note down on the table in the middle of them. Gabby's handwriting glaring up at him. The last little note he ever got from her. The note from the hotel room. Signed with 'Love always, G."_

_He wonders if Hallie has looked through the rest of the box and if she hasn't, he wonders if she has figured out who 'G' is. Somehow he knows she has. _

_He sucks in a breath and swallows deeply, but all that he can manage is a nod in agreement. _

_This talk was long overdue._

He takes a seat across from her, the same seat he sat in hours ago, but everything is different. She cheated on him. And now she is about to know the full force of his affair. He's decided long ago he hated that word. It made it all sound so cheap, and what he and Gabby have, had, is anything but cheap.

He can't take his eyes off the note in front of him. Gabby's loopy handwriting staring back at him. Images of that night in her hotel room and that morning waking up alone float through his head.

"What the hell is all this, Matt?" She asks in a plea, but he can hear her voice still shaking with anger.

"I…" He trails off, finally meeting her eyes but not being able to find any words. It was all in black and white in front of her and he shakes his head. He can never regret what he and Gabby have, but it doesn't mean that he still doesn't feel the shame for what he did to Hallie, though now he knows she had her own fun behind his back. "I'm sorry…" Is all he can manage to get out and Hallie scuffs.

"It's her isn't it? Gabriella. She's the one you've been with." She accuses, and he realizes she has yet to go through the rest of the box. If she had then there would be no question about it. He wonders how easy it would be to reach across and take the box out of her sight. If he could just take it away from her and explain on his own. The box holds too many details of him and Gabby's relationships. He doesn't want to have to explain every intimate and personal detail of his affair with Gabby, but he knows if she goes through that box he'll have to.

He nods silently, confirming her words and she stands from her seat and paced back and forth. "God, I knew there was something between you two the minute I met her!" She barks, running her hands through her hair and Matt's eyes move back to the box, really trying to think of a plan to get it out of here. Get it away from his wife.

All the planning he is thinking of is stopped when she whirls around and her hands land on the contents of the box, starting to dig through it roughly. "I mean, what the hell is all of this, Matt!?" She yells, digging through the contents. Not looking for anything, in particular, her eyes barely focusing on one thing before they hit another. His blood runs cold when she starts moving through the box and before he can pull it away from her she pauses. Her hands hitting a glossy image. Tears fill her eyes and Matt feels like the room might close in on him and swallow him whole when she pulls out the grainy image that he hasn't been able to bring himself to look at for a couple years now.

She meets his eyes and he sees the hurt and anger and confusion flashing through her. "Matt…" She trails off. Holding the sonogram picture in her hand, quickly inspecting the date and looking back at him. "What the hell is going on?" She questions him.

He shakes his head, running his hands through his hair and trying not to let the flood of emotions that is hitting him show. Looking at that image all he can see is the days after losing their baby. All he can see is Gabby clutching that bear, which is now in that box, to her chest. All he can see is her yelling at him to leave her apartment. All he can see is the two of them in a heap on the floor, crying and holding the other as they grieve. All he can see is Gabby's broken face and her packed car driving away.

His eyes finally meet Hallie's questioning ones and he sighs softly. "It's a long story…"

_**And I am feeling so small  
It was over my head  
I know nothing at all**_

"_Hey you." He whispers. Stepping into her room and laying down gently beside her on the bed. A place she frequented more than any place else really. It takes her a moment to acknowledge him, she's off in her own little world, something he is use to by now. Once she finally meets his eyes she manages a small smile, but offers no words in reply and a few moments later the smile is gone, like it was never there to begin with. _

_He sighs softly. It's been 6 weeks. 6 weeks since they lost their baby, and she is shutting down. She's shutting him out. She only works a few shifts a week at the coffee shop, only enough to bring in the bills, otherwise she doesn't leave her apartment. She doesn't leave her bedroom. She's losing herself. She's falling apart and he has no idea what to do. He's tried getting through to her. He's tried loving words, and he's tried harsh words. He's tried being silent and holding her. He's tried everything he can think of and nothing seems to be helping her. _

_She's become a shell of the person he use to know and she's breaking his heart. She isn't dealing with this, she burying it. She's hiding out in her room and she's pushing anyone close to her away, himself included. _

_If he's being honest with himself, he thinks she's doing it because she is still blaming him. Blaming him for making her go through it alone. Truth be told he is still blaming himself. He hates himself for not being there. He hates the fire academy for calling names out of order and for messing it all up. He hates everything about that day. He'd give up his dream of being a firefighter if it means he can take that day back. If it means that their baby could still be here. He'd give it all up. _

_He looks into her lost eyes as he lays across from her and he feels like a part of him is dying. The part of him that Gabby will always hold is falling away with her. Seeing her like this, so depressed, and lost, sad, angry, it's killing him. _

_She will barely talk to him. He doesn't really remember the last time they had a real conversation, but he's sure it was the screaming she did in the kitchen that day. After that she slowly started to fade away. Her tears eventually dried up and now all she feels is numb. _

_Most days that he sees her they just lay in her bed, or on her couch and he holds her. It's all he can get out of her. She won't talk. Her tears have faded away. All that's left is the silence. _

_His hand cups her cheek and she flinches at first before relaxing into the touch. He smiles gently. "Talk to me, baby, please…" He pleads. _

_Her eyes meet his and she is silent for a while before she finds words. Words that shock him after over a month of complete silence. "Are you going to leave her?" Her voice is soft, timid, but he hears her clearly. They haven't talked about it. They haven't talked about how the day they lost their baby was the day he was supposed to leave his fiancé, supposed to tell her the truth. It was the day they were supposed to be together. _

_He doesn't know what to say. He's not even a little bit sure. He's shocked that the first words she's spoken to him in so long are that question. He hasn't even thought about that in a while. He's sole focus has been on Gabby and getting through his own grief while being there for her as well. He shakes his head. "I… I don't know." He says. Because he doesn't. He doesn't know much of anything anymore really. All he is sure of is that he loves Gabby, he would have loved their baby more than anything, and that a part of him (he's not sure how big or small that part is) still loves Hallie. He doesn't know how he was so sure of himself a month ago about leaving his fiancé, and now he is so unsure. _

_He watches as hurt flashes across her face, an emotion he is becoming use to seeing, and absolutely hates. _

_She looks away from him and nods dejectedly and he wants to take back those words, but he isn't sure what he's feeling about anything anymore. _

"_You should go." She whispers softly and rolls away from him a moment later. _

"_Gabs…" He breathes out, but she doesn't budge, she doesn't move from her spot. He slowly stands from the bed, leaning across to place a kiss on the side of her head. "I love you." He whisper and when she hears her door shut she doesn't bother to stop the tears that trail down her cheeks and the sobs that take hold of her. _

_She doesn't know what to do anymore. She doesn't know how to get past all this. Matt's trying to be there but all she can do is push him away. He wasn't there when she lost the baby and he goes home to his fiancé almost every single night. He didn't leave her like he said he would before, and she is beginning to really realize that maybe the only reason he was going to was because she was pregnant. Maybe he never really felt the way she did. Now she sits at home and can't remember what life was like before the grief took hold of her and Matt gets to go home to Hallie. He lives that double life and he gets to have a life where all this doesn't exist. He gets to go home to his fiancé and let the rest melt away while she stays trapped inside her own personal hell all day, every day. There is no out for her. There is no safe haven. It's all the same hell and she is starting to realize that this hell is her life. _

_She has so many emotions swirling through her. She feels empty in so many ways. Her baby is gone and she is pretty sure with that loss she lost Matt too. She doesn't know why he still comes around. She can barely pick herself up most days and he seems to be doing fine. Showing up here and holding her like a part of her isn't missing. She doesn't know how to feel about him. She loves him more than she can put into words, but she's so lost right now. All she can ever think about is the heartbeat that didn't ring out of the ultrasound machine and the doctor's sympathetic eyes. All she can think about is brown curls and blue eyes and perfect dimples and how she'll never meet their baby. How she never even got to learn if it was a boy or girl. How it will never take its first breath. How she'll never hold it in her arms. _

_All she can think about is what she lost and all she can feel is empty and numb. _

_She doesn't know where to go from here. She doesn't know what to do. _

_Matt's trying to be here and all she can do when she sees him is think about how he wasn't there when she really needed him, when she was being told that their baby was gone. She is trying not to blame him. She knows it isn't his fault. Whether he was there or not the outcome would have been the same. But she can't stop. There are days she wishes she could just leave. Leave this city. Leave all the memories. If she's being honest with herself, maybe just leave this world… _

_It's selfish, she knows it, which is why it's always just a fleeting thought. She has a brother and parents that love her and a niece and nephew… and she has Matt. At least she has part of him… his fiancé has the other part. A fiancé that was supposed to be out of their lives by now… she can't seem to let that go. He never left her. And now he says he doesn't know if he's going to. _

_When their future was bright and their baby was growing inside of her he'd promised her a lifetime. He's promised her so many things that were ripped away just like her baby was. He didn't keep a single one of those promises, and that is killing her almost as much as losing the baby is. And then he listened when she told him to go. He left and all she feels is empty and alone. She doesn't know if he plans on coming back. She doesn't know much of anything anymore. _

_She crawls out of bed and she does the one thing she's managed not to do during all of this. Not one single time during this whole month of heartache and loss. _

_She drinks… She drinks until all of the pain she feels is completely numbed. She drinks until she can't remember her own name, let alone Matt's or what the name of their baby could have been. _

_She drinks until she can't anymore, and for that one night everything melts away and she feels like maybe things will be okay. _

_When she wakes up in the morning with a hangover and a killer headache, she is still alone, Matt hasn't come back, and her baby is still gone… Nothing is okay and nothing is melted away. Nothing is right with the world and that's when she makes a decision that will change her life forever. _

_She needs to get out of here. Out of Chicago. Away from these memories. Away from the place that she lost her child. _

_Maybe most importantly right now… away from Matt…_

_**And I will stumble and fall  
I'm still learning to love  
Just starting to crawl**_

"We met in college," He starts. "I uh, I started seeing her for a couple months before I told her about you… When she found out she was pissed, and she didn't want to see me unless I was going to end it with you… Then your parents got in their accident, and we talked a little bit, but we broke up. I didn't talk to her again for a couple months." He starts and Hallie looks at him with a glare.

"You were with her then? Matt… that was, God, almost 9 years ago…" She breathes out. Trying to understand all of this. He nods, but can't meet her eyes and she sighs, but knows that it's only fair that she fill in her own blank now. They were around the same time after all.

"It was a year after my Dad died, after the accident… I was upset, lost, I don't know. I just… It happened. I met him in a bar one night after class and it just… it happened." She confesses, regret in her voice, meeting his eyes and urging him on, she knew now that his story had a lot more to it than her own.

He meets her eyes, knowing that he had just gotten back together with Gabby at that time, and that they'd also been newly engaged. That thought makes him sigh, newly engaged and they were both cheating on each other. If he didn't already think that their marriage fell apart before it started, than he surely would now. "Gabby and I ended up getting back together about a year later. We dated for a couple months, almost a year, and then…" His throat tightens as he looks at the sonogram picture sitting on the table in front of him. Hallie watches his eyes trail to the picture and she knows that there is something bad that happened just by the look in his eyes.

"And then what? You, you have a kid with her?" She questions, not able to hide the hurt in her voice, though she knows if this time line is all adding up the way she thinks it is, than she was cheating on him for a few months while he was cheating on her. How did everything get so messed up?

He shakes his head and tears well in his eyes. "Gabby she uh, she was pregnant… She, she didn't want to tell anyone until she was in her second trimester, so we waited. I was going to tell you the truth back then, after her appointment, I was, but… She… she, uh…" He trails off when his voice becomes tight and he can't meet Hallie's eyes. Looking at that sonogram picture and reliving all this is too much. He pushed all those feelings away as much as he could after Gabby left. He had Hallie, and he couldn't let her see how broken he was from that loss. But telling this story again was making it all come back to him.

Hallie watches him and despite herself, she feels her heartbreaking for the man in front of her. It was clear their marriage was over. Truthfully, it had been for months, years really. Maybe it was really over before it started. She knows they have fallen out of love. She isn't in love with him anymore, but he was a part of her life for over a decade. They grew up together. She knows this man well, and she can see the inner turmoil in his eyes and she knows that whatever has happened behind her back all those years ago has really weighed on him. "Matt…" She pushes and his eyes meet hers briefly, snapping back into reality before he takes a shaky breath and continues.

"Gabby, she had an appointment a week after she hit the second trimester. After that we were going to come clean of it all, but I uh, I had my final firefighter test that day… I uh, I missed the appointment, I was supposed to be there, and I wasn't…" He pauses again clearing his throat, gripping the sonogram picture in his hand. You could barely tell a baby was there, she was only a month and a half along during that appointment, but he knew it was there. He'd studied the picture enough to know it was there. "Gabby lost the baby… they couldn't find a heartbeat and she uh, she had a miscarriage… I wasn't there for her when she, when it happened…" Tears trailed down his cheeks that he didn't bother to stop. For the first time in his life he was getting to tell someone what had happened. He realizes his wife is not the best person to be breaking down in front of over your affair, but he can't focus on that right now as images of that day and all the days to come hit him at full force. "She was really lost after everything. She shut down, I couldn't get through to her. It all just became too much for her and she… she left. She moved to New York…" He trails off, clearing his throat and meeting Hallie's eyes.

"Matt…" She starts, but stops herself, looking into his eyes and just shaking her head. At a complete loss for words. She wants to hate him for everything that he's done, and she knows that this isn't even the end of it. Clearly Gabby is back in his life in some form. She knows there is more to this story, and she really wants to hate him. To hate Gabby. But she is finding it hard to let that hate shine through. She's hurt, no doubt, but there is a part of her that is feeling bad for him and she can't explain it. She shakes her head and stares at him for a moment before running her hands through her hair in frustration at her own emotions. "I can't believe you… I can't believe all of this…"

His eyes are red from the tears he has shed, but he still manages a slight glare. "You have no room to talk." He barks, his anger once again taking over. She was the one screwing someone else for the hell of it. No love involved. Just lust. Just the need to cheat on him. To be with someone else.

Gabby, he realized long ago, maybe at the first meeting, was something special. It really was love at first sight. He had never been a cheater, never even thought about it till he met Gabby, and even then it ate away at him. But he couldn't stop because he loved Gabby. He knows they are both in the wrong, he and Hallie, they both betrayed each other. But somehow knowing that she was with someone for, whatever reason, is infuriating him. Not because she cheated, but the way she cheated. She didn't fall in love with someone. She didn't meet her true soulmate like he had. She just cheated. She did it because it was… what? Fun? He isn't sure. Every time he was with Gabby over the past 9 years it was out of love, never to spite Hallie. His love for Gabby just outweighed his morals. He doesn't understand how Hallie can just one day decide to cheat. Sure, maybe he understands the first time, when she was upset after her father died. It was a onetime thing then. But to have an ongoing affair that meant nothing… he can't understand it. He hates himself for what has happened. He hates that he has cheated on Hallie, sure he doesn't regret it, but that is only because he loves Gabriella Dawson. He _can't_ regret her. He just can't.

But Hallie… she cheated for the sex. Not for the love.

He knows he has done wrong. And maybe it's just the fact that she was having this meaningless affair while he was trying to hold himself together after losing a child, but he feels so much… anger, hate… he isn't really sure how to describe his emotions.

Hallie looks at him wide eyes at his words. "Really, Matt? I have no room to talk?" She barks. She standing from her chair a moment later and is digging things out of the box. Picture of him and Gabby. Receipts from important dates. Little notes Gabby had left him. Letters he wrote her and never sent. The bear he bought, and then found Gabby holding to her after she found out about the loss of the baby. A coaster from their favorite bar outside of the city. Movie stubs. Anything and everything he ever kept that held a memory of Gabby that he wanted to cherish. She harshly takes it out of the box, not even looking closely at the items and he feels his blood boiling more. He's so damn protective of Gabby, these things hold a piece of her, and he feels the need to protect them too. He's such an idiot for never coming clean. How could he have ever not chosen Gabby? The way he is feeling now is so obvious. Gabby is it. She's the one. Why couldn't it have been so clear years before?

Hallie throws the empty box against the wall, the items scattered around their dining room table. "I have no room to talk!? You had an ongoing affair for _years _Matt! You cheated without a care! You almost had a child with her! How dare you act innocent in all this! You're no better than me. God, you're worst!" She screeches throwing the small plush bear that had been in her hands straight at him.

His voice is dangerously low, his anger and resentment hitting an all-time high. He's never felt this way in his life. "I'm worst? Fine. I'm worst." He agrees darkly. "But don't say I cheated without a care because I've felt guilty since day one. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop. Because I _love_ Gabby. But you… God, you just cheated for the hell of it… I've hurt Gabby countless times over the years because I chose you, Hallie. So hell, maybe I am worst. But don't… Don't for a second say I did it without a care." He growls, trying to keep his voice calm, but the anger he felt shook through ever word.

She stares back at him with teary eyes as his words rip through her.

"Hell, I know I have no right to be mad at you, because I know what I have done is wrong… I know it. But you know what the difference between you and I is? I felt like shit all these years. I was torn between the two of you because I loved you. While you were out screwing around while I was losing a child! My life fell apart and I stayed strong for YOU and Gabby. Gabby could barely get out of bed she was so struck with grief and I still choose you! So don't act like I didn't love you or care about you, because countless times I hurt Gabby because of you! While you were doing the same thing behind my back too! I protected you! Always! Meanwhile Gabby got hurt throughout all of this!" He screeches, standing from his chair and pacing, pointing an accusing finger her way. His anger taking over. At this point he wasn't sure what he was angrier about. Hallie cheating. His cheating. Or all the pain he's realizing that he caused Gabby, all of it for nothing. All this time Hallie wasn't the innocent victim of it all that he'd thought.

Hallie didn't bother to stop her tears as she watched him. She'd never seen him like this. Sure they'd argued a lot over the past year, but not like this. Matt was livid and she realizes now that his anger is in full force because he is being protective. Protective of Gabby. Protective of the girl that he'd been cheating with this whole time. But she realizes more so that most of his anger is directed at himself and he paces the room and pulls at the ends of his hair. His face full of pain and anger.

She can't find words to even respond. It's clear they both want out of this marriage. It's clear they both have for a while now. Maybe before the marriage even happened. They're both done. They fell out of love. They betrayed each other. He fell in love with some else. She'd found comfort in a man that meant nothing to her, yet she kept going back to him. She doesn't even have an explanation as to why she did it. She doesn't think he deserves one even if she could think it up. The only words she can find are ones that he should have said so long ago.

"I want a divorce." She tells him. Her voice strong, determined.

He stops his pacing, staring back at her and nodding slowly. The air in the room once again shifting. A weight almost lifting.

And just like that… they were both free.

_**Say something, I'm giving up on you  
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you  
Anywhere I would've followed you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you**_

_She started packing. She packed all her things in a matter of a few hours after waking up with a raging hangover. She pushed through it and she packed it all. She packed her car with the necessities and she called her brother. He doesn't know the details. He doesn't know much of anything. But she told him she needed out. Out of this city… and she needed it as soon as possible. Today. _

_She hasn't heard from Matt. Not even a call or text. She's debating calling him. Telling him she's leaving. But she hasn't decided yet. She's ignoring it for now. Her things are packed and her brother managed to find her a place in New York for cheap. Him being a cop, he has a lot of attachments all over. He's taking care of everything for her, and she is grateful. _

_She hasn't told anyone but her brother that she's leaving. She doesn't really know how long she'll be gone for. A few weeks, a few months, a few years. She doesn't know. All she knows is she can't be here. She can't be in this apartment where she sat in the bathroom and peed on a stick that she thought was going to seal her fate. She can't look at the bathroom without seeing Matt's happy eyes and big smile and feel his light kisses to her stomach when he stared in wonder about the life they'd created. She can't look at her bed without thinking of the countless nights they spent together in it. She can't look at her kitchen without thinking of how she broke down in his arms. Screamed at him for not being there for her when she lost their child. She can't look anywhere in this apartment without thinking of him and the baby they lost. She can't look at the coffee shop around the corner of her place, the bar a few miles away, the clinic that she knows isn't too far from her place. She can't be in this city without thoughts of him, thoughts of all she lost, swallowing her up. _

_So she's running. _

_She's running away from all of it. The pain, the loss, the heartache… him. She's running from it all because it's all too much. It hurts too much. _

_She's losing herself here. She'll never move on if she is here. She's barely keeping her head above water and if she stays this way much longer she is certain she will drowned. She just can't keep doing this. She can't stay with Matt and continue this dance. She can't be the other woman anymore. She refuses to still be the second choice. It's clear he is staying with Hallie, and she… she can't stick around here knowing that. She loves him too much. _

_There is a knock at her door just as she is grabbing her last bag to carry to her car. She's driving to New York. Maybe the road trip will do her some good. It's almost 7 at night and she's exhausted from a day spent packing and crying and second guessing everything, but she's leaving. She's leaving tonight, she can't stay another day in this place and continue to let the grief swallow her up. She's completely numb. She wants to start feeling again. To start living again. She hopes New York will allow her to do that. _

_When she swings to door open she expects to find Antonio there to tell her goodbye, what she doesn't expect to find is a wide eyed Matthew Casey. _

_He looks at her in confusion. Taking in her wore down appearance and the bag in her hand. He looks behind her, looks at the empty walls and the mostly empty apartment. The furniture is still in its place, (Antonio is going to have it sent to her this week), but the rest of the apartment is bare. Boxes are packed in a corner but other than that the place is empty. All traces that made this place Gabby are gone. He stares at her in confusion and he feels his heart beating erratically. _

"_Wha, what's going on? Where are you going?" He questions desperately, still standing in her doorway as he looks her over. _

_Her throat is already tight and her eyes are already stinging… this is why she wasn't going to call him. Her heart is already aching. It would've been so much easier to sneak away without a word. To not have to tell him her goodbye. It would have been selfish, she knows this, but it would have been easier. _

_She clears her throat as she finally finds words. "I'm leaving, Matt…" She whispers, meeting his eyes and watching the despair creep into his baby blues at her words. _

"_You're… what do you mean you're leaving?" He breathes out. _

_She shakes her head, willing the tears away. "I'm leaving Chicago…" She tells him. She isn't sure why, but for some reason she doesn't want to tell him where she's going. She doesn't want him to know. _

_He shakes his head again, and again, trying to process those words but his brain isn't keeping up. She's leaving… leaving Chicago… _

_He stares at her completely dumbfounded. What the hell was happening? She pushes past him lightly, shutting off the last light in her apartment and stepping out the door, turning and locking it for the last time behind her. He stares on silently as all this happens and feels his world crashing around him when she picks up her last bag and stairs back at him for a moment. He can see the utter despair in her features. The hurt, the heartache, the loss, and the pain. She's been through so much the past couple months. He's put her through so much. She's hit her breaking point. He can't take his eyes off her and he can't find words._

_At his silence she moves past him, walking down the steps before he even comprehends what is happening and follows behind her. "Gabby, Gabby, baby, wait…" He pleads, chasing after her. "Where are you going?" His throat is tight… this has to be a joke. _

_She shrugs gently. "Antonio found me a place…" She trails off. _

_They reach the door and she makes her way to her car and it's then that he realizes it is full of bags and boxes. "Gabby…" He begs. Her name a plea leaving his lips. She throws her last bag in before turning to face him, tears glistening in her eyes. _

"_I… I have to Matt… I can't stay here… I can't be here anymore…" She says gently, her throat tight. _

_Tears sting his eyes for the broken girl in front of him… "How long will you be gone?"_

_She shrugs, she doesn't know, maybe forever. _

"_I… I can come with you… we, we can figure this out together Gabs, please… don't leave…"_

_Her tears fall over at his words. Words that he is saying too late. "You can't Matt." She cries. "You have Hallie… and I, I need to go… I can't do this anymore." _

"_Gabs…"_

"_I can't keep being the second choice… I can't do this anymore. You, you were supposed to leave her, we were supposed to be together, you and me and our baby… We, we…" She trails off her tears taking over. "And now all that's gone…" She sobs and he is pulling her into his arms a moment later. Holding her too him as his own tears fall. _

"_Please don't go…" He begs. His chest aches, his head hurts, his whole body feels completely weak. So this is what true heartbreak feels like? _

_She shakes her head and his hands move to her cheeks, gripping them gently and forcing her tear stained face to meet his. "Gabby, please…"_

"_I can't Matt." She cries. "I have to go…" She pulls away, taking a step away from him and he looks at her desperately. _

"_You're running away… How can you just run away from this, from us?" His tears haven't subsided, but his voice has an edge to it. Trying to mask the fear he feels with anger. She was leaving him. _

_She shakes her head staring him down. "Matt you've been running away from this every time Hallie calls… You choose her every time… Every time you go home to her you are running from this… I'm just making it easier on you, taking myself out of this… She won, she has you…" She says softly, her chest aching at that admission. _

_Her hand reaches the door handle and he knows this is real, she's really leaving. "Gabby." He calls and when she turns around he is stalking towards her, taking her in his arms and kissing her with every ounce of love he has in him. He can't let her leave… he just can't. They cling to each other, he doesn't want to let her go. She doesn't want him to let her go. _

_He pulls away and he rests his forehead against hers and she meets his eyes briefly before playing with the hem of his shirt. "I have to go, Matt… I can't stay here. Everywhere I look is just another memory, another heartache… I need to move past all this, get my life back… I need to let all this go…" He knows that a part of 'let all this go' has to do with him. She needs to let him go…_

_He shakes his head. He understands, but why can't she do it here? Why can't she pick herself up here? He can't live without her. He can't find any other words, but, "I love you… Gabby, I will always love you." He cries softly, needing her too know, needing her to always know. "That's never going to change."_

"_I love you too, so much…" She breathes out. _

_Her lips find his again kissing him deeply… this was it. _

_She steps away from him then. She doesn't know what to say to him. He pleaded with her to say, he told her he'd come with her, he told her he loved her… somehow it isn't enough… it doesn't make up for all the times she was runner up, it doesn't make up for all the heartbreak. It doesn't change anything. He still has a fiancé. What they have is nothing, it's over… _

_She gets in her car and he watches her through the open window. He doesn't know what to do, what to say, that will make her stay. Somewhere deep down he thinks maybe he doesn't have the right to ask her to stay… She's so lost, so broken and hurt. She needs this. Maybe she needs this time. She needs away from all this, from this city, from him… _

_He just hopes she comes back to him. _

_She starts her car and his heart feels like it shatters. This is real. This is happening. It isn't a joke. _

"_Gabby…" _

_Their eyes meet and neither can find the words. They never needed them. Their eyes always telling each other more than their mouths ever could. _

"_I…" He trails off. There was nothing to say to make this better, to make it easier. She was going. He was staying. And nothing would ever be the same again. _

"_I know…" She whispers, "I know." He takes the few steps to her door and leans down, claiming her lips again. He needs her to know how much she means to him, how much he loves her. How much he'll always love her. _

"_I'm gonna love you forever, Matthew Casey…" She cries, her voice tight and croaky from the tears she's let go. _

_His own tears still flowing. "Please, be safe… Just promise me you'll be safe…" _

_She nods. "I promise."_

"_I love you so much, Gabriella Dawson." _

_It's the last words he gets out before he is backing away from her car and she is driving away and he is positive that his heart is broken. His world seems so much less without her in it. _

_He doesn't even know where she is going…_

_Her vision is blurring and once she has rounded the corner and is out of his sight she has to pull over and let the sobs take over. She doesn't know what to do. She wants to go back, pull him into her arms and tell him to come with her. But she can't. She has to be strong. She has to do this. She has to move on._

_She doesn't know how she can move on when the biggest piece of her heart is staying in Chicago and she's moving halfway across the country. _

_There is so much he wants to do differently, so much he wants to say to her. But she's gone and he's alone… but he's not alone. He has Hallie. But she isn't Gabby, and she never will be. _

_He goes to walk to his truck when he steps on something along the way. _

_The bear. _

_He picks it up and dusts it off and a whole new set of tears hit him. He lost their baby, and he lost her, and nothing makes sense anymore._

_**And I will swallow my pride  
You're the one that I love  
And I'm saying goodbye**_

They both take a few minutes to calm down before they sit again. Sitting in silence as weight of everything that has happened, everything that has been said settles in. He tells Hallie about Gabby coming to 51 and how it was a surprise. And then he tells her the truth about it most current affair and she tells him the truth about her on going affair 6 years ago. How it was meaningless and he has to ignore those words to prevent himself from getting worked up again.

It's all out in the open, and while they both feel better, they both also feel worse.

They both cheated.

They both betrayed each other.

The broke their vows.

They hurt each other.

And they hurt other people in the process.

It was all such a mess. All of it.

It's over. Their marriage is over. The lies are over. But somehow Matt still feels like Hell. He cheated on Hallie and he feels like a tool. He hurt Gabby so much, and that is killing him. They lost their baby and his talk with Hallie about it is bringing up so many emotions in him. He just wants it all to go away.

They talk briefly about what needs to be done and Hallie says that she will call their lawyer tomorrow. They both agree they want this process to be done as soon as possible. They both feel relived after being trapped in a marriage that was making them both unhappy for so long.

They don't say any more about the past or the mistakes they've made, because it doesn't matter. It's not like they are trying to work on the marriage. They both know it's done. That it should have never happened in the first place.

The weight is lifted. The truth is out. They are both free.

Yet Matt has no idea what to feel… he doesn't know what to do when so many emotions are coursing through him. The pain of hurting Gabby. The loss of the baby. The guilt of hurting Hallie. The thought of spending so much time in a marriage that failed, 13 years. The thought of all the time he spent away from Gabby. So many thoughts are swirling in his mind and he has no idea what to do with any of them.

_**Say something, I'm giving up on you  
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you  
And anywhere I would've followed you (Ooh-oh)  
Say something, I'm giving up on you**_

She's nursing a glass of her favorite red wine and watching some sappy movie marathon on TV getting lost in her thoughts. Thoughts that are full of Matthew Casey. Full of their history of the past 9 years. Full of many nights tangled in the sheets, days spent in her apartment, mornings as 'friends' at their favorite coffee shop, 24 hour shifts spent together. Full of the days they spent together setting up Molly's, the talks they'd had about being together. The days spent apart, the loss they suffered.

The past 9 years were flashing through her mind in a whirlwind. The way his smile could completely change her mood. The way his arms around her had always felt like home. The way his lips on hers felt like fireworks on the fourth of July. The way his lips and hands on her skin set her a light. How he made her feel alive. Everything about him was amazing. He was everything. She can't imagine a world without him in it. He's the love of her life. Her soulmate… and she hopes he feels the same way. On some level she knows he does, but there is a bigger part of her that doesn't know what to feel.

She gave him a choice, an ultimatum… Her or Hallie.

It was time to choose. She couldn't keep living this way. She'd done it for too long already, but she loves him so much. It's hard to imagine that this could all end. That he could choose Hallie and this would be over, and she'd have no one else to blame but herself, because she asked for it. She told him to choose. She said her peace, begged him to choose her, and then she left. Now it was all in his hands and she would either get everything she's ever wanted for almost a decade, or she'd lose it all and have to learn to move on.

That thought terrifies her. The thought of moving on from him. She's tried it multiple times and never got very far at all, and that was when she didn't see him every few days. They work together now. They have the same friends. Their lives are intertwined now, no matter what he chooses. If it isn't her, if he stays with Hallie, she'll see him all the time and she'll have to move on anyways. She doesn't even want to think about it. She doesn't want to think about the possibility of him not choosing her, but she knows it's very possible. He's said it's her a couple times the past few weeks, but she has yet to see it. He's said it's her before and then ended up with Hallie. She's never once been the one he chose and she's afraid that won't change.

She takes another gulp of her wine, she's on her 3rd glass now, and tries to calm her racing thoughts. She's working on a buzz and things are getting a little fuzzy, but she doesn't mind. It's actually a little comforting.

There is a knock at her door just as another round of thunder hits and causes her to jump a mile. Startled by both the noises. She's never liked storms, well, she actually loves them, she just doesn't like being alone during them. The persistent knock at her door isn't helping matters. Her heart races as she cautiously walks to the door. A little wobbly after not standing for a couple hours and the 3 glasses of wine she's had that are now going straight to her head.

When she looks through the peephole to find the man that has filled her every thought she swings the door open quickly.

He's drenched to the bone and staring back at her with lost eyes. She's never seen this look before. He looks completely and utterly exhausted. Drained emotionally and physically, and his shaking and soaked state don't make him look much better.

She's instantly sobering up as she looks him over.

"Matt?" She questions and his eyes meet hers. His face is red and his eyes are bloodshot and she knows he's been crying. What was going on? "What are doing here?"

He can't find words as he stares back at her. She's beautiful. Absolutely breathtaking. And she doesn't even realize it. Her short tanned legs peek out from her short sleep shorts and her tank top is rid up exposing a sliver of the smooth flesh of her flat stomach. Her chest is rising and falling in an easy rhythm. Her hair is down and in its natural curls, still half wet from the shower she took. Her brown eyes shine in the dimly lit entry way and he can see the gold specks that surround her pupil. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips are slightly pouted and are tinted red and he knows she's been drinking red wine. He can just tell. He knows her like the back of his hand.

She's it. She's the one, and she has been for years. And that makes this all so much harder, because he has no idea how to tell her that he's leaving…

_**Say something, I'm giving up on you  
Say something…**_

**Before you all kill me for those last two words, I promise you it won't be that bad, so hold back the pitchforks and rioting at least until you get to read the next chapter. **

**Next chapter has not only my current favorite song of all time by the lovely Ed Sheeran, but also another MerDer dialogue steal. It'll be a good one, I promise. **

**Thank you so much for reading and please let me know what you thought of this one! It was a crazy one to write.**

**Review Please!**

**xXx**


	11. One

**A/N: Hey! As usual, a Sunday update. I know this one is much anticipated so I won't make you wait long with my rambling! Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter! You're all gems!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**Ed Sheeran is the best person in the world. This is my current favorite song of all time so I am very excited to have it in this lovely chapter. Eddy is a little angel and if you disagree, well then, you're wrong. Sorry. Check this song out!**

_I own nothing. _

Chapter 11: One  
Ed Sheeran

_**Tell me that you turned down the man  
Who asked for your hand  
'Cause you're waiting for me  
And I know, you're gonna be away a while  
But I've got no plans at all to leave  
And would you take away my hopes and dreams and just stay with me?**_

Molly's is as busy as it's ever been. People fill up the high top tables on one side of the bar while all the bar stools are filled against the bar and a good amount of people have collected in the middle of the bar. All talking and drinking and having a good time while the people near the back of the bar dance near the speaker. He feels relaxed the minute he walks through the door. It feels nice. It feels like home. A feeling he hasn't gotten for 2 months now. He's missed that feeling. He thinks maybe the reason this place hits him with such a feeling of home is because _she_ is a part of it. It's her bar, and though he has yet to find her among the crowd of people he can feel it, she's here.

He hasn't seen or talked to her in 2 months and that's how he needed it to be, as much as it hurt to do so. He needed the space, he needed the time away to collect himself and get his head on straight. Talking to Hallie had stirred up so many emotions in him that he'd put at bay so many years ago. Feelings of loss and grief from losing the baby. Feelings of shame for cheating. Feelings of utter disappointment in himself. He needed to go away and get rid of those feelings, to deal with them properly like he never did before.

Learning that Hallie had cheated on him hurt him in a way that he can't explain, but he realized a lot of that hurt wasn't for the act itself, but for the timing of it all. He knows he couldn't have helped it, he didn't know what she was also doing at the time. But for the longest time all he could feel was guilt for leaving Gabby, for letting Gabby leave after they lost their baby. That feeling of guilt almost swallowed him whole and he needed to get away to sort through that on his own. All he had been able to see was Gabby's heartbroken face and cries of despair. Feelings that his talk with Hallie had stirred up.

He realized he never really grieved for the loss of their child. Maybe a little the first night with Gabby, but even then he was too busy blaming himself for not being with her to focus on himself. He also realizes that he never let go of the guilt for not being there as well. He pushed all those feelings away so he could be there for Gabby and he pushed them away when he was with Hallie so she wouldn't catch on. He bottled it all up and it finally hit its ugly head along with everything else. He'd needed to get away to deal with it all alone. To fully get over all the heartache that had happened. A quiet two months in a log cabin by the lake had been just what he needed. It was quiet and peaceful and he fished every day and spent time to himself. It was exactly what he had needed to cope. The only person he'd talked to was Hallie, and that was only on a few brief conversations about the process of the divorce. Other than that he was completely alone and it had been the best medicine.

But now he's back. He's back home and he's ready to get his life back, more importantly he's ready to fight for the life he should have fought for a long time ago. A life with Gabriella Dawson.

He's missed her. So much. He hasn't stopped thinking about her since he left her doorstep that night. She was the only person he said goodbye to, and it had been hard. Watching the confusion and concern for him fill her features as he desperately tried to explain what was going through his head, but was too exhausted and distraught to even get it out fully. He'd told her he'd be back, but there was one thing he realizes he didn't tell her.

He never told her she was the one. He never told her he chose her. The thing she had practically begged him to do in his office earlier that day, he hadn't done. He thinks maybe it was for the best. It wouldn't have been fair to tell her he wanted to be with her and then leave her. He just hopes she understands why he had to go, even if he didn't do the best job of explaining it all.

He walks to the end of the bar and orders a beer from Hermann who greets him happily. No one knows he is back. He's only just gotten back this morning and he wanted it to be a surprise. He wanted to surprise her.

Hermann has gone to the other side of the bar to fetch his beer and collect another order when he hears it. That all too familiar laughter echoes in his ears and he has to close his eyes and take a breath at the sound. _And he hasn't even seen her yet_. It will forever amaze him the things that this girl will do to his heart. He looks around and spots her. All brown curly hair and smoky eyes. Her lips are painted with a red lipstick that is completely drawing him in and she's wearing a black tank top with some kind of lace design and open back that he is loving, tucked into a pair of dark wash skinny jeans. A pair of red heels on her feet that are making her a good inch or two taller. She is absolutely breathtaking. She's surrounded by Shay, Capp, Severide, Cruz, and Mills and when she throws her head back in laughter once again he smiles brightly. God, does he love her.

Then he watches as Mills rests a hand on her lower back and holds it there unabashedly, and Gabby doesn't move it away but smiles softly at his young Candidate. He doesn't like that at all and he can feel the jealousy coursing through him and he has to take a deep breath.

What the hell happened while he was gone?

He watches as everyone else starts a new conversation and as she starts looking around. She can feel him here because a moment later her brown eyes are meeting his smoldering blue ones across the bar and he watches shock fill her features and her lips part as she gasps softly. He smiles, he can't help it, and then she's smiling back at him and he's positive if Peter Mills hand wasn't still resting low on her back he would be over there kissing the lipstick off of her lips. But that hands still there and if looks could kill Peter Mills would unknowingly be in a shallow grave.

He doesn't even break eye contact with her when he calls down to Hermann, "Make it a glass of whiskey." He changes.

He has a feeling it might be a long night.

_**And all my senses come to life  
While I'm stumbling home as drunk as I  
Have ever been and I'll never leave again  
'Cause you are the only one  
And all my friends have gone to find  
Another place to let their hearts collide  
Just promise me, you'll never leave again  
'Cause you are the only one**_

_There is a knock at her door just as another round of thunder hits and causes her to jump a mile. Startled by both the noises. She's never liked storms, well, she actually loves them, she just doesn't like being alone during them. The persistent knock at her door isn't helping matters. Her heart races as she cautiously walks to the door. A little wobbly after not standing for a couple hours and the 3 glasses of wine she's had are going straight to her head. _

_When she looks through the peephole to find the man that has filled her every thought she swings the door open quickly. _

_He's drenched to the bone and staring back at her with lost eyes. She's never seen this look before. He looks completely and utterly exhausted. Drained emotionally and physically, and his shaking and soaked state don't make him look much better. _

_She's instantly sobering up as she looks him over. _

"_Matt?" She questions and his eyes meet hers. His face is red and his eyes are bloodshot and she knows he's been crying. What was going on? "What are doing here?"_

_He can't find words as he stares back at her. She's beautiful. Absolutely breathtaking. And she doesn't even realize it. Her short tanned legs peek out from her short sleep shorts and her tank top is rid up exposing a sliver of the smooth flesh of her flat stomach. Her chest is rising and falling in an easy rhythm. Her hair is down and in its natural curls, still half wet from the shower she took. Her brown eyes shine in the dimly lit entry way and he can see the gold specks that surround her pupil. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips are slightly pouted and are tinted red and he knows she's been drinking red wine. He can just tell. He knows her like the back of his hand. _

_She's it. She's the one, and she has been for years. And that makes this all so much harder, because he has no idea how to tell her that he's leaving… _

"_Do want to come in?" She questions carefully when he doesn't answer her previous question and instead stares at her, this time his eyes meet hers and he shakes his head. _

"_I can't… Gabby, I… I have to go." He says softly and she feels her heart stop. _

"_Go? Go where, Matt?" She's so confused. What is he talking about? _

"_Away." He comments simply. "I need, I need to get out of here for a while. I…" _

_He sounds so lost that she has no idea what to say. She doesn't know what happened that led him to this decision, but he's scaring her right now. She's never seen him this way, this lost and unsure of himself. It's reminding her of herself so many years ago when she left for New York. _

"_Matt… What happened? Is this about Hallie?" She asks delicately, shivering at the cold rain that is hitting her skin as she stands in her doorway, wishing he would just come inside and let her get him a towel and a warm drink. _

_He scuffs and shakes his head and that unreadable expression is in his eyes and makes her even more confused. "Hallie and I are over, Gabs."_

_She's shocked for a moment, not sure what that means, but then she is full of concern again. "Matt… Come inside, we can talk, please…" She whispers softly, she doesn't want him to leave, she doesn't want him to do what she did and be gone for years. _

_He shakes his head. "I can't Gabs. All of this, it's just, everything, it's too much…. I need to go… I, I'm sorry…" He says and for the first time she sees all the pain in his eyes. She can see how much all of this is weighing him down. _

_She shakes her head and wills the tears away but they don't leave and her throat tightens. She knows she can't ask him to stay, it wouldn't be fair. He asked her to stay years ago, but eventually let her leave and it was probably the best thing he could have done for her at the time. Maybe this is what is best for him. She knows that feeling well. The feeling of everything weighing on you and pulling your head under water, drowning you. She wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially him. She understands the feeling of needing to go away to sort through your thoughts. To get better. "You're coming back right?" She asks softly and watches as he cracks a gentle smile. The first smile he's had all day. He steps forward and pulls her into a bone crushing hug, his soaking body drenching her own. _

"_Yes." He whispers into her hair, feeling his own tears fall. "I promise I'll be back."_

_I'll be back for you. _

_**Take my hand and my  
Heart and soul, I will  
Only have these eyes for you  
And you know everything changes but  
We'll be strangers if we see this through  
You could stay within these walls and bleed  
Or just stay with me  
Oh lord, now**_

Once his drink is placed in front of him and he takes an encouraging sip and he makes his way across the bar, straight towards her. Their eyes have barely left each other's since they met a couple minutes ago and that damn hand of Peter Mill's has yet to leave her back and he's about ready to slap it off of her, though he knows that's sure to land him a slap of his own from the woman herself.

But once he's still a couple feet away from her and she turns away from Mills and the rest of the group and comes straight towards him, her arms immediately wrapping around his neck and her head burring in his chest, his arms slip around her waist and hold her close and Mills is the last thing on his mind, though he doesn't miss the disappointed and confused look on his face once Gabby walks away from him. He smiles into her neck in accomplishment at that.

He holds her close and he isn't sure how long they stand there hugging, it could be hours and he still wouldn't care. This girl is his world and he has missed her like crazy. When they finally pull away he watches her blink the tears out of her eyes and smile at him brightly, her pearly whites on full display and he can't help but match her smile. It's so damn good to be home, to see her again. She smiles softly and then she tugs on his hand and is pulling him in the direction of the rest of the group who all welcome him back with open arms.

He's not sure what all they know about his departure. Other than a goodbye to Dawson and a call to the Chief that he needed some time off and was using up his many saved vacation days he'd left without a word. He realizes now maybe that was a little selfish, but he just needed to get out. He needed to get perspective. To get a grip on the new reality that was his life. He needed to make himself the best version he could before he came back and told Gabby she was it, that she was his choice, his one, and that she always would be.

He's been completely captivated by her all night. Everything she does is drawling him in and leaving him wanting more. He has to step away from the table they've all claimed as their own when she throws her head back in laughter for the umpteenth time that night. She so beautiful it hurts, and now is not the time to be expressing all that, surrounded by their friends and coworkers, and young Peter Mills who apparently doesn't know a death glare when he sees one.

He steps up to the bar and orders another whiskey and a few moments later he feels her slim figure sliding up next to him, ordering herself another Jack and coke. He's always loved that she was never one for the girly drinks and could always keep up with him. He loves that she can sip whiskey with him and not flinch. He loves that she can throw back tequila shots with Shay like a champ. He loves that on a casual night or really at any time, she will sip beer from the bottle, or the can, he loves that she's a beer drinker. But he also loves that on occasion she will sip one of those girly drinks, or throw back a bottle of 'cheerleader beer' as she calls it, and he loves that she will drink wine with him when the mood is right. He loves that she has so many layers, and that's just her drinking abilities. There is so many things about her that she takes on in the same way, with many layers. He loves that. She isn't like most girls and it's something that he has _always_ loved about her. He just loves her.

After they're drinks are ordered and Otis has scampered down the bar to get them she turns to him with a coy smile that has him grinning back at her. "You look nice." He comments gently as his eyes rake over her. There isn't anything 'nice' about it. She looks sexy as hell and completely beautiful. It's like she knew he'd be here tonight and she was giving him a damn good show. It's the only way he can imagine it being because the thought of her going out looking this good for anyone else is just unfathomable.

Her coy smile turns into a full out grin as she looks him up and down, all tight blue shirt with the buttons open at the top and faded jeans. Nice doesn't even began to describe him. "You're not so bad yourself." She quips and he doesn't miss the way she checks him out in a similar way that he has done to her all night.

He turns to face her and he loves the way her body rests against his own, maybe it's just the amount of people leaned up against the bar around them, but he won't complain of her closeness. "I'm really glad you're back." She tells him softly, the flirting and the teasing gone and the vulnerability and honesty seeping into her voice.

He smiles back at her gently. "I'm glad I'm back too. I really missed you, Gabs." He tells her softly, or as softly as the loud bar will allow.

She bites her lips nervously and is about to tell him the same when Otis is popping up with their drinks. They make their way back to the table of their friends, but before they reach it she stops him and he meets her eyes. "For what it's worth, I really did miss you too, Matt." She tells him, not wanting him to believe any differently.

They share a smile and then are seated back at the table and he doesn't miss the way Mills is hooked to her side again, and he wishes he would've asked her what was going on while they had their moment alone.

He doesn't get that moment alone again, and it's another 3 hours later and far too many drinks when he spots her up at the bar grapping herself another drink and he decides that he is ready to go. He's watched her dance with Shay and he's watched Mills sneak into that dance and her dance with him. He's watched Mills get too close for his own comfort with her all night and while Gabby hasn't sought Mills out on her own, she hasn't pushed him away. It's been nothing more than lingering hands where Matt doesn't want them to be or just Mills sticking to her side like a leach but he doesn't like one second of it.

He rests his hands on her back softly and she jumps before looking back at him through slightly hooded eyes from the alcohol and smiling when she realizes it's only him. "Hey!" she chirps.

His hand moves in a soothing pattern on her back. "I'm gonna head out. Catch a cab with me?" He asks her huskily, but there is no innuendo in his voice. He simply is just stating that if he's leaving he wants her with him. He's had far too much to drink to take her home in the sense that he is sure 'take a cab with me' insinuates, but really he just doesn't like the idea of leaving her here alone looking that good without him around.

She sighs softly and looks around and he doesn't fail to notice that Mills is watching them. "I think I'll stay." She says softly and watches the hurt and _jealousy_ fill his features. "Because of him?" He questions and she looks at him shocked.

She shakes her head, not understanding him. "Matt…"

He cuts her off and when he pulls her closer, his hand curling at her waist and her face a breath away from his chest as she fills his head dip down to her ear and she feels his hot breath on her ear. She shivers. The things this man does to her…

"He's not good enough for you…" He tells her vulnerably, his eyes meeting hers now and her face fills with shock once again before his hands are releasing her and with one last lingering look he is making his way out of the bar and she is left starring at his retreating form with her mouth agape.

When the door to Molly's falls shut behind him only one thought races through her mind and makes her instantly angry, no matter what she was or was not doing or seeing…

_He has no right…_

_**All my senses come to life  
While I'm stumbling home as drunk as I  
Have ever been and I'll never leave again  
'Cause you are the only one  
And all my friends have gone to find  
Another place to let their hearts collide  
Just promise me, you'll always be a friend  
'Cause you are the only one**_

When he walks into work the next morning he is greeted with many hugs, pats on the back, and welcome backs… and one glare from none other than Gabriella Dawson. He should've been expecting it, honestly. He should have known that saying what he said would piss her off. Maybe on some levels he did know, he just didn't care. He said it because it was true, because she does deserve better. She deserves the world and he knows he has faltered in giving it to her in the past, but it's the past for a reason. He's here, it's their time, their chance, and he isn't ready to give that up for some two month fling with Peter Mills. Or whatever the hell has been going down while he's been gone.

He's hid away in his office and got caught up on paperwork most of the morning and when he walks into the common room around lunch time and spots Mills and Dawson behind the counter laughing about something he feels his blood boil again. He should be the one making her laugh, he should be one who she cooks lunch with, and he should've been the one whose hand lingered on her all night long. He can't stop himself before he is barking at Mills to go mop the apparatus floor. The young Candidate looks at him in confusion, along with the majority of the house that is in the common room, earning a slight grin and a raised brow from Shay who has caught on to what is going on. Mills stalks off to the garage and every one goes back to their business while he and Gabby stare each other down, her cold glare shooting through him and soon she is huffing in annoyance before she is stalking off to the locker room. He follows shortly behind her.

She can feel him behind her as she enters the locker room and she sighs in frustration before whirling around to face him. "You're unbelievable, you know?! You had no right to say that to me last night! You have no right to act like a jealous boyfriend because FYI you're not my boyfriend!" She growls and he quickly interjects.

"Is he?" He questions and she looks at him confused and so he goes on, trying to keep his own anger and jealousy in check. "Is he your boyfriend?"

She rolls her eyes and her arms cross over her chest. "Not that it's any of your business or that you have any right to know, but no, he's not." She tells him heatedly before her voice softens as she carries on. "We… There has been some flirting, I guess. We've hung out a little bit. I don't know, I don't really know what's going on. We were just friends and then it just… I don't know. But we aren't together I guess, we haven't, you know…" She clarifies, meeting his eyes.

He can't help the sigh of relief that leaves his lips at that, but he also can't help the jealousy that is still racing through him. He knows he has no right to feel it. They aren't together, he holds no claim to her. She had no idea when he'd be back, or if, she had a right to do what she wanted, to try and move on. She gave him an ultimatum after all and he never answered her. She can do what she wants, but that doesn't mean he likes it at all. He's tuned out of her rambling for a moment before focusing on her once again. "…What I do has nothing to do with you! You left, and I get it Matt, I do, we're the same. We both run when life explodes on us, we run from it and deal on our own, I get that better than anyone else… But you can't expect me to stay here pinning for you when I have no idea when you'll be back! Hell, I was gone for 6 years! How was I supposed to know when you'd be back? What I do, who I see or don't see… It shouldn't matter to you…" She finishes softly and he has to hold in his eye roll at her last word, of course it matters to him. It matters because there shouldn't be anyone else, it should be him. He wants it to be him.

He doesn't have a rebuttal for her, because he knows all that she has said is true. They are silent for a while, neither of them knowing what to say before he decides to tell her. "Hallie and I are getting a divorce…" Her eyes snap up to meet his and he watches her eyes widen and her mouth part. "We sign the papers in a few weeks."

"I… Matt…" She trails off, not sure what to say. He's told her that he and Hallie were over, but he never said that word. He's never said 'divorce' and somehow that word holds so much more meaning than 'over' or 'leaving her' or 'breaking up' will ever hold. It's permanent and final. It ends the marriage on paper, not just by his words. She isn't sure what else to say, so she lamely decides on, "I, uh, I'm sorry…"

He can't help but smirk. She's sorry? It's so ironic and messed up. The woman he was sleeping with is apologizing for his divorce, a divorce that though she didn't cause it, she's ultimately his reason why he could never be with Hallie again. Though even if Gabby weren't in the picture he knows he couldn't be with Hallie again, too much has happened, they aren't in love anymore, and he is okay with that.

They are silent for a while as they both mull over the information given to them, information neither of them was expecting. She sighs softly, she doesn't know what this means. For two months she stayed here confused. Confused about what all this meant. Confused about whether he wanted her or whether he didn't. Confused, yet also understanding of why he needed some time. It was the same thing she had done when she left for New York. He'd needed time to get past it all, to deal.

But now he was back and he was saying things like 'he's not good enough for you' and 'I'm getting a divorce' and she has no idea what to make of it. She can't jump back into something and have it crash down around her.

She sighs in frustration and runs her hands through her hair and his eyes meet hers and she gives him a desperate look.

"What does all this mean, Matt? I… I don't… what does this mean?" She pleads softly.

His eyes crinkly with a small smile and his dimples pop as he takes a step towards, full intent on telling her it means everything. It means it's her that he chooses her. That she is it. That he wants her.

And then the bell is ringing and he is groaning internally as they are called to a fire and they are both taking off, another conversation ruined.

_**I'm stumbling off drunk, getting myself lost  
I am so gone, so tell me the way home  
I listen to sad songs, singing about love  
And where it goes wrong**_

He shows up at her door that night after shift and she can't help but roll her eyes and raise a brow. "If you're here to tell me you're leaving again I will kick your ass." She jokes lightly.

He doesn't stop the smirk that fills his features or the chuckle that he lets go. She's always so damn sassy. He shakes his head in the negative, he wasn't going anywhere. She smiles softly at that action and ushers him inside. They end up in her kitchen with her leaning against the counter and him standing a few feet away from her.

He's too lost in thoughts about the last time they were in this kitchen to say anything. When Shay showed up and found them out. The day he decided officially that it was Gabby he wanted and he was leaving Hallie. That was 4 months ago and so much had happened since. When Gabby clears her throat he's brought out of his thoughts and meets her brown eyes that are looking at him in question before she shrugs and huffs lightly. "So, what does all this mean?" She questions him softly, referring to their conversation in the locker-room that was cut off and never picked back up.

He can't help but smile at her and take her in. She is beautiful. So beautiful, and he loves her more than he ever thought possible. He was done hiding it.

"It means you have a choice…" She looks at him in utter confusion and he smiles softly before continuing. "You have a choice to make… and I don't want you to rush into making it before you're ready. The other night at the bar I what I was planning to say, well what I wanted to say… what I wanted to do... but now all I can say is…" He shakes his head trailing off before smiling gently at her his blue eyes shining and his dimples beaming back at her. "…I'm in love with you… I've been in love with you forever." When a ghost of a smile graces her feature he beams back at her brighter. "I know, I know I'm a little late… But I just, I want you take your time… Take all the time you need, because you have a choice to make…" He swallows thickly and he can see the tears in her brown orbs and he is fighting his own.

"…And when I had a choice to make, I chose wrong… I've _always_ chose wrong. But it is you, Gabby, it's you and it's always going to be you. And I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that. You were right though, my choice, it was simple. _I choose you, I pick you, and I'm so, so in love with you_…"

She stares back at him with teary eyes and a blank expression and he smiles delicately. "Take your time, Gabby… I promise you, I'm not going anywhere this time."

He gives her one last soft smile and whispers a 'goodnight' and then he's out the door, and she's left with a heavy heart, teary eyes, a choice, and a million thoughts racing through her mind.

_**All my senses come to life  
When I'm stumbling home as drunk as I  
Have ever been and I'll never leave again  
'Cause you are the only one  
And all my friends have gone to find  
Another place to let their hearts collide  
Just promise me, you'll never leave again  
'Cause you are the only one  
Yeah, you are the only one**__**  
**_

**I told you it wouldn't be as bad as I'm sure you thought it was. He's back, and his feelings are on the table! What will Dawson do with that little speech? **

**(Yes, I did steal another Grey's quote. I can't help myself. I've been planning theses Grey's parallel scenes since the beginning.)**

**I loved this chapter, so I hope you guys did as well! **

**Thanks for reading! Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought!**

**xXx**


	12. They Bring Me To You

**A/N: Yay! Finally, I know. So sorry for the wait on this. I completely lost my motivation and have been struggling to get it back, so I hope this is good. I've been dying to write the first scene since basically the first chapter, and after that was finished my motivation to write went out the window. **

**It was a 2-week wait, but I can promise this chapter is worth it. It's the one you've been waiting for.**

**Thanks for all the amazing reviews and comments, and for all the encouragement and patients. You are all amazing and continue to blow me away. **

**I have a feeling you will enjoy this one. **

**(This song is my heart and soul. I've loved it dearly since I discovered it a few months ago and have been excited to use it for months now. It's brilliant and Joshua Radin is a God. The lyrics are just amazing in with this chapter. Check it out!)**

_I own nothing._

Chapter 12: They Bring Me To You  
Joshua Radin

_**You look like the sun  
I was the only one  
Who could stare until you were done shining on me  
And as we drank our wine and let the world fade away  
The sunrise tried to end it while we tried to stay**_

She pounds on his door roughly. It's past midnight and she really doesn't care. She went through enough hurdles to even figure out where he was, to figure out where he'd been staying. She'd had to call Shay, who only teased her about needing to see her 'loverboy' so she'd hung up on her, she knows she'll regret that move tomorrow. So she called Severide and had to find out from him. She knocks and knocks and she knows his neighbors are probably hating her right now, but she doesn't care. She growls in frustration and walks down the steps and down the sidewalk running a hand through her wild curls and just when she is about to turn to walk back to the door and start pounding again it flies open and a confused Matthew Casey steps onto his porch.

"Gabby?" He questions. He left her only a couple hours ago. He isn't sure what she's doing here, or why she looks so mad.

She glares at him from where she stands at the end of the sidewalk and points an accusing finger at him. "You have some nerve, Matthew Casey."

He goes to reply, but she is cutting him off a moment later, as feisty as ever, she throws her hands up in exasperation. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find you?! You disappear for 2 months then you come back and move out of your apartment and I've spent the last two hours calling Shay and Severide trying to figure out where the hell you were because you have your stupid cell phone turned off! Why do you have it if you aren't going to use it!?" She growls and at this point he realizes she is more talking to herself than him, but he is just starring on at her completely confused, and slightly amused. "And we have shift tomorrow so you know how hard it was to get ahold of those two when it's past 10 at night? Very! They both sleep like logs." She grumbles some more, pacing on the sidewalk as he stands a few feet away from her on his porch.

"You show back up here and start saying all these stupidly perfect things and making me all… like this… and I just, God you make me crazy!" She hollers in frustration, not stopping her pacing and barely looking his way. He has to hide his smirk at her flustered state. "You just… You come to my house and you say these things and, and you tell me you choose me, and you're getting divorced… and I have Pete! Or I had, I don't know. It was something… but now you… you're here and I… God I can't think straight when you're here!"

"Gabby." He tries gently, but she continues on and he sighs as he watches her.

"I just, god I hate you… I hate what you make me feel…" She finally stops to face him and stays rooted to her spot a few feet away from him and he watches as her resolve slightly weakens. "I hate how you affect me. I hate that we've been a mess since day one. I hate that nothing can ever be easy or simple with us! I hate the way you hold me and make everything better." She says softly, and he watches the tears dance in her eyes. "I hate those stupid perfect blue eyes. I hate that voice you use just for me and I hate the way you make me crazy. I hate that smile, and that stupid sly grin you always have…" He smirks at her last words and she points an accusing finger at him and her voice rises. "And I hate those stupid damn dimples!" She silent for a moment and he watches the tears cascade down her cheeks as she stares him down and he has no idea what is happening right now. He doesn't know what this is.

"But I really hate that all of those are things I wish I could hate. I hate that I can't hate you. I hate that I love you too much to hate anything about you… Because hating you would be so much easier than loving you this much…"

"Gabs…" He tries, feeling his voice tighten, neither of them has moved an inch and all he wants is to take her into his arms.

"Because I do Matt… I love you more than anything…" She takes a tentative step towards him and meets his glistening blue eyes. "I love you in a really big... pretend to like your taste in music… let you eat the last bite of cheesecake… hold a radio over my head… unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you…" He slowly takes a few steps down the steps and he can't help the soft smile that fills his features as she repeats those words back to him and she stops a few feet in front of him, the tears still falling from her eyes, but a ghost of a smile playing at her lips.

"I don't need a few days… I don't need time… My choice? It's simple, Matt. It's you, and it's always been you. It will always be you… And I'm sure Mills is great, but he isn't you. He'll never be you, and neither will anyone else. No one will ever be you, no one will ever make me feel the way you do. You are it, Matt." She says softly and makes her way to him slowly.

"So I choose you… I pick you… I _love_ you… and I always will." She whispers and he is pulling her into his arms and crashing his lips against hers seconds later, those words repeated back to him absolute music to his ears.

When air becomes a necessity they part, but don't move from each other's arms and he looks down at her, both of their faces shining with tears. "I love you so much, Gabriella Dawson…" He whispers, letting his forehead fall to hers and listening as she takes a shaky breath.

"I love you too, Matt."

It doesn't take long before she is claiming his lips as hers once more.

_**The rest of my life can't compare to this night, whoa oh  
And only the heartaches have given me sight, oh oh  
They bring me to you, yeah yeah  
They bring me to you, yeah yeah**_

It's not long after that they are on Matt's bed with Gabby tucked securely in his arms. Neither of them wanting to ever let the other go as they hold on to the other tight for the first time in months.

His hand runs a lazy pattern up and down her back and she nuzzles her nose against his neck, breathing him in and committing this moment to memory.

"Is this real?" She whispers softly, afraid anything louder will ruin this moment that they worked so hard to get to.

He chuckles and kisses the top her head before nodding, "This is real, baby."

"Good. And if it's not I don't ever want to wake up from this." She tells him vulnerably and feels his grip on her tighten. Her words mirroring his feelings.

They lay completely clothed on top of his bed sheets, nothing but a few kisses being passed between them. This wasn't about sex. It never had been. Right now was about finally being together. No secrets. No lies. No girlfriend or fiancé, or wife, no boyfriends. No barriers. For the first time in 9 years they were both single. They were able to be together without anything standing in their way or keeping them apart. That feeling was amazing, exhilarating… and maybe a little terrifying too.

They'd never done the couple thing… Well they had, just never out in public. They'd spent time together in Gabby's place, making dinner together and acting like a couple in the sanctuary of her apartment. They'd spent time together outside of her apartment, but that was always as friends. They'd never had a _real_ relationship. One where they met the others families, where they hung out with their friends as a couple.

So much was the same, and so much was different and neither was sure how to act or how to transition into that new stage. It was what they'd always wanted. What they'd dreamed of having with each other for so many years and now that it was finally happening they had to adjust.

It didn't feel real. Matt was still wasn't officially divorced, and Gabby had just ended _whatever_ flirting banter or whatever it had been between her and Mills. She'd ended it between them before leaving shift after Matt told her in the locker room that he was divorcing Hallie. At the time she still hadn't known what that meant for them, but what she did know was that whatever slow progression was happening between her and the Candidate needed to end before she hurt him. The last thing she wanted was another person hurt in her and Matt's messy love. Mills had taken it well, they really had only a hung out a few times and shared a couple kisses and flirty touches. They were friends, and she was happy that things hadn't progressed to a point where they couldn't get that friendship back. But right now Mills was the last thing on her mind.

Matt runs his hand up and down her back soothingly, slipping his hand under her tee shirt to run his fingers along her smooth skin of her lower back. When she shivers Matt looks at her concerned. "You cold?" She smirks, shaking her head and snuggles deeper into his embrace, if it's even possible.

"No. I'm perfect." She whispers. Her shiver having nothing to do with the light chill in the air and everything to do with his fingers on her bare skin.

He can't help but smirk, letting his lips graze her forehead multiple times. "Yes, yes you are."

Chuckling she shakes her head at him, feeling the pink that hits her cheeks. "Look at you Mr. Sweet-Talker." She jokes, meeting his eyes before leaning up and capturing his lips in a soft kiss.

He hums in appreciation after she pulls away still looking up at him with her chin on his shoulder. "I missed that… So much." He tells her.

"I know…" She whispers, "It's been far too long."

He sighs after a beat of silence before holding her a little closer. "I'm sorry I left…" He starts, only to be cut off. "Hey, no, you know I understand Matt..."

"I know you do, Gabs. I just… There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about you and miss you. I wanted to call you so many times. I just, I needed that time away. I needed to get my head on straight."

She nods in understanding, resting against his chest and letting her hand run through his sandy blonde hair as she looks up at him. "I get it, babe… Trust me I do. We… you and I, we run when things get tough. Run away from our feelings, run away from each other, run away from this city…" She says chuckling softly at just how similar they were. "I missed you, so much. But I know you did what you needed to do… I'm just happy you're home now."

Leaning up her presses his lips too hers gently before pulling away and meeting her eyes. "I'm so happy to be home."

After a moment of relaxing back into each other's arms the silence washes over them before Gabby speaks again. "Can I ask you something?"

He nods. "Anything."

"What happened? With you and Hallie?" She questions softly.

He clears his throat before answering. Thinking back to that day in his old apartment with Hallie, the talk they had and the truth that was revealed between the both of them. "She knows… everything." Gabby's eyes widen in shock.

"Everything?"

"Everything…" He confirms. "She uh, she found a box that'd I'd kept of some stuff between us and well, with it all laid out in front of her it was kind of impossible to not tell her everything. I mean, I was planning on telling her the truth in the first place, but I guess I don't know…" He shakes his head, "It doesn't matter now, she knows, it's over. We both told each other the truth for the first time in years."

Gabby nods, taking in what he's said. Surprised that he told her _everything_, but also not all that surprised. She knew Matt was a good guy despite what they'd done and she knew he wouldn't divorce Hallie without giving her an explanation. There was one thing that was confusing her though. "What'd she do?" She asks after a beat of silence and Matt looks at her confused. "Hallie… You can't say her name or talk about her or the divorce without getting this look in your eye."

He forgets often that Gabriella Dawson knows him better than he knows himself. He shrugs, hoping to down play the words he speaks next. "Hallie cheated on me."

Gabby's eyes widen in shock and she looks at him in confusion at his simply attitude towards it. "What…? I, Matt…"

He shakes his head. "Don't… It's…" He sighs. "Karma, you know?"

"Matt…"

"Really Gabs, I'm okay. Honestly, it didn't hurt as much as it should've… the timing of it is all just so messed up. It's over now. Hallie and I are over and we have been for a long time…"

Gabby stares at him for a moment before looking at him curiously, trying to work through it all. "That's why you left…" She says, thinking that Hallie cheating was what pushed him over the edge. What made him need to get out of here and clear his head.

He looks at her confused for a moment. "What?"

"Hallie, her cheating, that's why you…"

He cuts her off, rolling them over a bit so he could look into her eyes. "What? God Gabs, no it wasn't like that…" He tells her softly, taking a deep breath to clear his head. "I didn't leave because of Hallie. Her cheating, it sucked, but it wasn't what hurt me the most… Talking with Hallie that day. Reliving everything that you and I went through from the beginning, with the baby, and everything… It, God, for the first time it really hit me how much I'd hurt you."

"Matt, baby…"

"No, I… Gabs I put you through hell for 9 years. I loved you and I was always second guessing my relationship with Hallie, yet I was always going back to her. Having that all laid out in front of me, talking about it, talking about the baby, it just… it was all too much…"

He sighs, meeting her eyes and shaking his head. "I didn't leave to mourn my marriage, or whatever they call that… Hallie and I have been over for a long time Gabs, I'm okay with that, and so is she… I needed time to get through everything. What I did to Hallie, what I did too you… I'm not proud of my actions. I put you through hell, and I hurt Hallie too. It's not who I am. It was hard to see all that, to see all the damage I'd done, mostly to you… You have no idea how much I regret all the times I hurt you, all the times I choose wrong. It's always been you, Gabs. I'm just sorry it took me so long to figure it all out."

"And honestly, that was the first time in 6 years that I'd talked to anyone about losing the baby, other than the little talk we had on the anniversary this year… It was the first time I'd ever let myself talk about it and I guess it all really hit me. I guess I never let myself mourn that loss. I needed that time, for a lot of reasons… But I'm good now. I'm here, and I'm with you, and that's all I've ever really needed." He tells her softly, letting his lips graze hers gently and relishing in the feel when she kisses him back.

When the kiss starts to turn heated she pulls away, resting her forehead on his and taking a calming breath. "Can we take this slow…? I just, I want to do this right. I don't want to rush into things and ruin it. I…" He cuts her off with a soft kiss to the lips before meeting her eyes and smiling.

"I can do slow."

She smirks, and ignores the innuendo in his voice. "I've just wanted this, wanted us, for a really long time Matt… I don't want to mess it up now that we can finally have it." She tells him vulnerably.

"Gabby, I've had a chance at this so many times, and I've blown it every single time… We can go as slow, or fast as you want. I'm not going anywhere, I can promise you that. As far as I am concerned it's our time now." He tells her softly and watches the smile fall onto her lips and the beautiful shade of pink that hits her cheek. "But is it too fast if I ask you to stay the night with me?" He chuckles softly, looking at the clock that reads 2 a.m.

Gabby giggles, a sound that is music too his ears and nods her head. "I thought you'd never ask."

He pulls the blankets out from under them and pulls her into his arms once again where they hold each other tight knowing that this was the start of something beautiful, something they have always wanted.

Kissing the top of her head he holds her close, feelings her breath evening out. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Matt."

_**Moon pours through the ceiling tonight  
Embraces us tight  
Shows me we're right for each other  
And as we lie here and let the world fade away  
The sunrise tries to end it while we try to stay**_

Waking up in the morning he feels the sun shining through the window and Gabby's warm breath against the skin of his neck as she snuggles into him. He checks the clock and see's that they have a little over two hours before work and untangles himself from her and heads the kitchen to grab some coffee knowing that waking Gabby up without a promise of some caffeine could mean death.

He kisses her forehead and heads off to the kitchen and can't wipe the smile off his face as she thinks of how amazing it is too wake up with her in his arms. To wake up and know that she is his and he is hers, completely. There is no secrets, no lies. They finally get to be them, to be together and take a shot at something real, something that could last forever.

He makes the coffee and fixes Gabby's up with a two sugars like he knows she likes and heads back to the bedroom to find her curled up in the blanket with her head buried in the pillows. He grins at the site before setting the coffee's on the bed side table and rubbing his hand along her back. "Gabby… baby…"

She grunts in response and shoes his hand away causing him to chuckle. She was never a morning person and the fact that they got less than 5 hours of sleep isn't helping matters. "We've got work in a couple hours, baby." He tries again only for her to shake her head and pulls the covers around herself tighter.

"No, no work." She whines childishly only making him laugh more.

He gets an idea and carefully lays down on top of her, placing kisses along the smooth expanse of neck that is exposed from her tee shirt and feels her sigh beneath him as her arms snake around his back. He continues his assault on her neck for a few moments and she sighs out his name causing him to smirk against her neck.

"Matt…" She stutters. "We… can't… taking slow…" She murmurs, getting lost in the feel of his lips against her favorite spot on her neck.

He smirks once again at her words, time for the kill. He rolls away from her abruptly. "You're right. Guess you'll just have to get up."

She looks over at him with a glare realizing that was his plan. "You're such a tease."

He grins boyishly, his dimples on full display, before pointing to the night stand. "Coffee?" He says sweetly and she growls out a sigh before sitting up and taking a sip of her coffee while Matt lays there laughing at her flustered state.

Gabby leaves an hour later, after some relentless tickling and wrestling around, to go home to shower and change for work while Matt gets himself ready at home.

She catches his eye as she slips into the locker room to change out and he is heading to the common room and when he sends her a wink she smiles brightly back him. She can't wipe the smile off her face as she changes out, that is until Shay walks into the room. She quickly drops the smile and Shay glares at her.

"Thanks for waking me up then hanging up on me last night, ya brat."

Gabby rolls her eyes at her dramatics. "I was in no mood to be teased." Gabby remarks, remembering Shay's teasing of how she needed to get to her 'lover boy'.

Shay only rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue at her before changing into her work clothes, not taking her eyes off her brunette friend as she pulls her hair up into a pony tail. "Oh my God." Shay finally squeals out seeing the smile on her friends face and the look in her eyes.

Gabby jumps at the sound and turns to look at the blonde with wide eyes. "What?"

"You totally had sex last night!" Shay squeals and Gabby's eyes go wide in horror.

"Shush! Would you keep your voice down loud mouth!?" Gabby growls, looking around to make sure no one has entered the locker room before turning back to Shay.

"So, it's true! That wasn't a denial Dawson." Shay smirks.

Gabby glares. "No we did not have sex last night." She hisses.

Shay frowns. "So this morning then?"

Gabby rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "No sex was had, Shay."

At this the blonde pouts. "Well then what the hell did you wake Kelly and I up for in the middle of the night for if you weren't getting laid?"

"Contrary to your rules of life two people can have a conversation without having sex."

"Oh please. Sure, two people can have a conversation with no sex. But you and Casey? _You two_ cannot have a conversation with no sex, or at least kissing. Please tell me there was at least some kissing or I may have to disown you." She teases earning a smirk and a roll of the eyes from Gabby.

"You know a girl doesn't kiss and tell."

Shay squeals. "So there was kissing!" She raises a brow and points a finger at Dawson. "Tongue?"

"Shay!"

"What? I got to know the juicy details."

Shaking her head Gabby looks back at her friend with a shrug. "There really isn't any juicy details to tell. I showed up, I yelled, told him I hated him, then told him I loved him, we kissed, we talked. I stayed the night…" Shay goes to interject and Gabby is quick to cut her off. "…With our clothes on. I don't know… It was nice. We're taking things slow."

Shay smiles softly, loving the happy look that is on her best friends face. "All teasing aside, I'm really happy for you, Gabs."

"Thanks Shay." Gabby whispers.

After a beat of silence Shay breaks the quite. "But really, when you do jump his bones let me know how the non-adulteress sex is, okay?" She jokes and Gabby glares at her before shoving her as they walk down the hall. Shay's laughter echoing through the hall as they enter the common room.

_**The rest of my life can't compare to this night, whoa oh  
And only the heartaches have given me sight, oh oh  
They bring me to you, yeah yeah  
They bring me to you, yeah yeah  
They bring me to you, whoa oh  
They bring me to you, yeah yeah**_

Casey and Dawson silently decide to keep their budding romance under the radar at work. They'd only just gotten together, Matt's divorce wasn't yet final, and explaining how they got together wasn't something either was interested in doing so early on.

They stuck to what they knew in the fire house. They talked like they always had, just as friends, and the only one who knew different was Shay. Who would send a suggest eye brow wiggle their way every time she spotted them sitting together, only to get a glare thrown back at her from Dawson.

Half way through the shift when darkness was starting to fall and things had calmed down from their last call Gabby slipped into Matt's office as he sat at his desk doing paper work she plopped down on his bed, crossing her legs and resting her chin in her hand as she looked over at him.

The blinds were open, but the door was shut, so he knew this was a social visit and he smiled softly at her. "Hey you."

"Hey yourself." She grinned back at him and looked over his shoulder. "Paper work, huh?"

He nodded. "So much of it." He groaned. "Guess that's what happens when you leave for 2 months."

She smiles softly, knowing how much he hated paper work, as she thinks about the 2 months that he was away. Grateful for the time that he took, because it brought him back to her. Brought them together.

She leans back on his bed, keeping her legs crossed as she stretches and he raises a brow at her position before turning back to his paper work and they sit in silence for a while. Just happy to be together. It was something they did often before. Lounging in his office just talking. Before, it had been there way of being together, getting to talk and be together, but also not raising suspicion from the any of their coworkers.

After another half hour of paper work and listening to Gabby flip through one of his magazines, distracting him completely just by being around him, he drops his pen and turns in his rolling chair.

"Break time?" She asks with a raised brow as she looks down at the magazine, not realizing the affect she has on him as he is brought back to a time before when she'd said that very same thing suggestively and they'd ended up tangled in the sheets of his bunk minutes later.

He shakes that thought. They were taking it slow. "Uh, yeah…" He stutters, trying to get the images of them doing some not so appropriate things on that bed. Her being splayed across it right now was not helping the situation.

He clears his throat and gains her attention. "I uh, I was thinking about this whole taking it slow thing." He says and she quirks a brow at him. "Go on." She quips intrigued.

"Well it's occurred to me in the 9 years of knowing you I have never been able to take you out on a proper date." He trails off and she smiles softly and nods her head in agreement.

"Is that you're way of asking me out Lieutenant?" She smirks and he sends her a playful glare.

"Oh please I've got better moves than that." He teases and she laughs out loud.

"Do you really?" He nods and she raises a challenging brow at him. "When was the last time you took a girl out on a proper date, Casey?"

"I…" He stops, trailing off, trying to think of the last time and coming up blank. "Well it was…" He stops again, that wasn't right… had it really been that long that he couldn't remember? He and Hallie fought a lot and were distant, but he had to have taken her on a date at some point recently… He shakes his head. "Okay, fair enough." He huffs and she grins in accomplishment.

"So, it's been awhile. But we said we were doing this right, and I think my girl deserves a real date."

She smiles brightly, _my girl_, sounding absolutely amazing. She was positive she'd go wherever he took her and she was starting to doubt this whole 'taking it slow' thing. If he was going to keep saying perfect things like that she knew it wouldn't take long for her too cave. "Everyone is going to Molly's tomorrow night after shift, but the night after. I'm taking you out, be prepared." He smirked sending her a wink as he stood from his chair and walked to his door. When she didn't say anything he turned to her and raised a playful brow. "Unless you're caving on this whole 'taking it slow' thing already?" He joked and she glared at him.

"Not a chance." She challenged.

He grinned. "I knew you weren't gonna make it easy on me."

She scuffed and tossed his pillow at him as he ducked out the door and shot another wink her way before taking off down the hall. Leaving her alone on his bed debating how slow 'taking it slow' really meant.

_**It's all about the first night and last,  
Some people stay  
Well I love you so much more tonight,  
More than yesterday**_

"So please explain this to me agai0..n." Shay said, looking in the mirror as she got ready to head out to Molly's. Her and Gabby had decided they needed a girls day after the events of the last few days so after shift they'd gone to Shay's to get her an outfit for Molly's that night before heading off too Dawson's apartment to take a nap. They'd slept for a few hours before going out for lunch and a little shopping, than heading back to Dawson's to get ready for the night out with 51. "You and Casey are taking it slow… You spent the last year, okay 9 years really, wishing you could take the relationship public while you hid out in your apartment having crazy sex, and now that you're both single and able to take it public and have wild sex without the guilt you are choosing to instead, take it slow, not tell anyone about the relationship, and not have sex?" Shay trails off earning a glare from Gabby as she finished applying her mascara. "Makes sense." Shay jokes.

"Okay, well when you put it like that it sounds pretty dumb I guess…" Gabby says realizing how odd it sounded when Shay put it in that context.

Shay laughed softly at her friend's realizations before giving Gabby a sympathetic look. "I guess I just don't get your angle here Gabs. I mean, you have him. He's yours, he loves you, _he chooses you_…" She teases, Gabby having told her everything that happened the night before with Matt, before sobering. "You've wanted this for so long, so why not just jump in head first. Take advantage of getting to be together finally."

Gabby sighs. "I know I just… I love him, Shay, more than I ever thought I could love someone… But it is also hard to look past all of it you know? I was runner up for 9 years and it's hard to believe this is actually happening, that we are finally getting this chance. If we, if something were to happen, if Matt and I were to not work out… I have no idea what I'd do…" She sighs frustrated. "I guess I'm just worried something is going to mess this up. Like it's too good to be true. We cheated on Hallie multiple times over the years, is it really possible that we get a happy ending after that?" She says softly.

"Gabs, what happened, happened. It sucks, but hey, it's life. The truth came out, they're getting divorced. You got the guy. Quit blaming yourself. Sure the situation sucked, but it doesn't mean you aren't meant to be happy. The way I see it you suffered enough as well." Shay says soothingly and Gabby smiles gratefully before Shay continues with a sarcastic shrug. "Besides, from the way it sounds Hallie got off the least hurt out of all of you." Shay scuffs and Gabby rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all." She says as they both head to the bed room to get dressed for the night. They get on the subject of Matt and Gabby's date in a few days and Shay smirks knowingly.

"Oh, he is so going to have you in bed by the end of the night with all the wining and dining you're in for."

"Shay, we're taking it slow. There will be no bed involved." She grumbles trying to get her point across to her eccentric friend, again.

"You know, for someone who was a dirty mistress for years, you're kind of a prude." Shay jokes and Gabby's mouth drops open in shock.

"Shay!" She says in offense and Shay only rolls her eyes as she pulls her top over her head and checks herself over in the mirror.

"What? If I don't tease you about it who will?"

"It's not… It's not that I don't want to sleep with Matt. It's just that, that's all we have been able to be for so long. I mean we both always felt more, but we were never able to be more. I just want to get to be normal for a while, to have a normal relationship with him." She tries to explain her reservations before sighing and shaking her head. "I don't know… Maybe I'm over thinking it too much."

Shay laughs softly and grabs her purse as Gabby finishes fixing her hair as they both turn to the door to head out. "Trust me, you are."

They get to Molly's 15 minutes later to find all the guys already together at a table. Matt watches them enter and his eyes instantly gravitate to Gabby in her dark jeans and tight top, and dark heels. Her hair down in its natural curls and her make up perfect as always. She takes his breath away every time and he'll never tire of that feeling.

The coy smile that fills her lips when she meets his eyes and sees the look on his face lets him know that she knows exactly how good she looks, and she knows that he knows it, too. He raises his glass to her and shakes his head at her antics before taking a sip. She's challenging him, and he knows it. She sends him a wink before her and Shay take off to the bar to order a drink and his thoughts are only further confirmed.

She's not playing fair, he decides quickly when she takes the seat next to him and smiles softly at him, both of them still not wanting to let on that they are together yet.

Half way through the night as the drinks start to overtake her more and more her hand finds its way to rest on his thigh under the table they all sat at and he takes a sharp breath and throws her a warning look that she ignores. His hand comes to rest on her lower back where her shirt has rid up exposing her caramel skin and his fingers rub a soothing pattern that causes her to shiver.

When all of their friends have dived into their own conversations and aren't paying them any attention her leans over and his lips find her ear. "You're playing with fire, Gabriella…"

He hears the breath she takes before she composes herself and looks over at him with a challenging glint to her eyes that he absolutely loves. "I'm not afraid of getting burned, Lieutenant."

It's his turn to take a deep breath.

Oh, the things this girl does to him, he doesn't know how he never chose her sooner, but he knows now that he has her, he isn't ever letting her go.

_**The rest of my life can't compare to this night, whoa oh  
And only the heartaches have given me sight, oh oh  
They bring me to you, yeah yeah  
They bring me to you, yeah yeah  
They bring me to you, whoa oh  
They bring me to you, yeah yeah**_

**Was it worth the wait and the previous 11 chapters of heartbreak? I hope so!**

**There probably won't be too many more chapters to this, I'm not sure yet, still trying to figure out where I'm taking the rest of this now that they are together. **

**My motivation and inspiration to write anything lately has been completely lacking. Leave me a review and let me know what you thought. All your kind words are what helps me write. **

**Hope you enjoyed this one. Thanks for reading!**

**Review : )**

**xXx**


	13. Love Me Like You Do

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews on the last chapter and all of the continued support! We are about 30 reviews away from hitting 400 reviews! That is so amazing. I never would have imagined this story would get such a huge response. You have no idea how amazing it is to see the reviews, and views climb on this story. So, thank you all so much. You think we can hit 400 with this update? ; )**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy this update. I am still working on the update for 'Headlong Towards Disaster' and hope to have it up within the next few days. Thanks for all your patience with both of these stories. **

**(I had a few ideas for this chapter on what song to use and eventually settled on this one after getting some help from a few friends. It seemed to fit in pretty well with the mood of the chapter. Hope you all agree!)**

_I own nothing but my own imagination._

Chapter 13: Love Me Like You Do  
Ellie Goulding

_**You're the light, you're the night  
You're the color of my blood  
You're the cure, you're the pain  
You're the only thing I wanna touch  
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much**_

"_You're playing with fire, Gabriella…"_

"_I'm not afraid of getting burned, Lieutenant."_

The night wore on at Molly's with more teasing and torturing going on between Matt and Gabby. Neither wanted to give in, but neither of them could help themselves. They'd always been drawn to each other, and knowing that there was nothing keeping them apart other than their own stubbornness was making it nearly impossible for the both of them to keep it together around their friends.

They'd find themselves stealing glances across the bar or table, and would make any excuse to find a way to brush against the other. It was all innocent from the outside looking in, but the both of them knew there was nothing innocent about it all. They were trying to get a rise out of each other, trying to make the other cave.

Matt was ready to lose his mind. The way this girl affected him was a curse and a blessing all in one. The real curse about it was that she _knew_ just how much she affected him by the littlest of actions, and she was using it to her advantage. And, lord, was she using it well.

Gabby and Shay are at the bar leaning against each other, sloppily, both have had far too much to drink. Matt sits at one of the high-top tables and watches her with a smirk. She sends him a wink as she takes a sip out of her new drink and he can only grin in response. He loves how carefree she looks tonight. How light, and happy she is looking. It's a good look on her and he makes a silent promise to himself to make sure she has that look more often.

"Might want to wipe your chin before somebody notices," Severide tells him as he slides into the seat next to him and earns a confused look from Casey. "Dude, you're practically drooling." He jokes and Matt swats at him with a scowl.

So maybe he wasn't as discreet as he thought, he can't find it in him to care. As much as he understands the silent agreement they made to keep this under wraps for a while, he also wouldn't mind people knowing. He loves her and he has hidden it long enough, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for everyone to find out, but he knows that Gabby clearly has her own reasons for wanting to keep it a secret for the time being and he understands so he'll follow the silent rules that have been set.

"When did you two…?" Severide asks. He'd known something was going on since Casey's accident after witnessing what he did in the ambulance and Gabby's behavior afterward. It was only further confirmed for him when Hallie wasn't around after Matt got home and he'd watched Matt try to call Gabby multiple times, not his wife. He'd kept quiet, knowing that if he was meant to be in the loop he'd be brought into it. But now that the news was out the Matt and Hallie were getting divorced, the reason unknown amongst the firehouse gang, Severide figured it was only a matter of time before his two friends officially found their way to each other. Gabby calling him the other night in search of Matt made him wonder if maybe they already had.

Matt looks around briefly making sure that no prying ears were listening in and smiles softly. "It's complicated… But I guess as off a couple nights ago… We're just taking it slow, keeping it between us for a while."

Kelly moved his hand over his mouth as if he was zipping it. "Secrets safe with me." He laughed. "I'm happy for you. I hope it all works out." He told him genuinely and watches as Matt's eyes fell back on Gabby across the bar with her head thrown back in laughter at something Shay has said. He's had a few too many beers, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the look of love in Casey's eyes as he stares the brunette down.

"I have a feeling it will." He says softly, completely captivated by his girl.

A couple hours later they all file out of the bar and Matt and Gabby decide to walk the few blocks back to her place. He watches her skip alongside him in her heels and shakes his head. Those things looked like a death trap and he had no idea how she was still walking properly in them, let alone skipping and wiggling around. She'd never cease to amaze him.

She's still pretty drunk, and while he can still feel the slight buzz of the alcohol in his system, he had slowed down long before she had and wasn't near as tipsy… or giggly, as Gabby was.

He takes her hand in his hoping to stop her upbeat movement and slow her down, he'd rather not have her breaking an ankle. He's pleased when she stops her skipping altogether and releases his hand to instead tuck herself into his side and he wraps and arm around her shoulder and holds her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head now that they were far enough away from the bar for any of their friends prying eyes to see. "You looked like you had a good night." He comments and she smiles.

"I did." She trails off for a moment before a sly grin fills her features and he knows she is about to tease him in some way. "Some hot blonde guy couldn't keep his eyes off me…"

He chuckles softly and shakes his head at her antics. "Is that right?"

She nods. "Yup. Might have to go back and get his number."

They slow their pace as they near her apartment door as he responds. "I think you might be too late. I heard he had his eyes on this really, really sexy girl all night." He finishes and watches the blush fill her cheeks before that glint is back in her eyes.

"Who? Shay?" She giggles.

He glares playfully as they stop in front of her door and he pulls her into his arms, wrapping his arms around her waist and looking down at her with a gentle smile. "No, you. Always you." When her cheeks turn a shade of pink again he smirks in accomplishment before claiming her lips as his own. He can feel the passion building and he knows this is an anything but slow kind of kiss and feels her reluctantly pull away. She's had more to drink yet she's still able to form more of a coherent thought than he is.

He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against hers and feels her playing with the buttons of his shirt. "I'd invite you in, but we're taking it slow… and I really don't think I'd be able to take it slow if you came in." She tells him truthfully and he smirks, but knows the feeling is mutual and he has never hated this 'taking it slow' thing more than he does right now.

She kisses his lips softly and then she is out of his arms and entering her apartment, closing her door just enough so she can peak her head out and he is left looking at her in shock.

"What?" He says dumbfounded at her quick movements.

She smirks. "I need my beauty rest, I have a hot date tomorrow." She teases, really she'd just needed to put some distance between them before she pulled him into her apartment and said to hell with slow. He grins at her words. "Night baby."

He kisses her forehead before turning away. "Goodnight, Gabs."

_**You're the fear, I don't care  
'Cause I've never been so high  
Follow me through the dark  
Let me take you past our satellites  
You can see the world you brought to life, to life**_

She wakes up in the morning and can feel the pounding in her head before she even fully becomes conscious and once she does she wishes she was still asleep. Her head kills and her feet feel like she's walked miles and miles and she is regretting wearing those heels last night.

She groans as she lifts her head off the pillow and see's that it is past eleven already. She knows Shay should be here soon. They'd made plans the night before to have another girl's day before her date with Matt. She has a feeling that Shay probably isn't feeling much better than her as she thinks of the tequila shots they insisted on having the night before. So many tequila shots. She scowled at the thought and the vague memory of being hovered over her toilet before she'd found her way to her bed.

She's really glad she didn't invite Matt in last night, as wonderful as a night with him would have been, she's happy he didn't have to see her like that, or now. She's sprawled out on her bed with the sheet loosely draped around her sleeping in her bra and panties. Apparently shedding clothes last night had been more important than finding new ones. She's beginning to wonder how she had the coherency to tell Matt he couldn't come in, let alone get her door open and squeeze through it so quickly.

She'd swear she was never drinking again, but she knows that's a lie and not worth the broken promise.

She's very seriously debating going back to sleep when her doorbell rings and she groans out loud at the sound, slowly moving from the bed and holding a hand to her head as she grabs and oversized t-shirt and pulls it over her head. It hits mid-thigh and when the doorbell rings again she grimaces before forgetting about pants and heading to the door throwing it open to find shay starring back at her looking just as bad.

They groan as a greeting and Shay holds up a plastic bag of to go food and is ushered in without another word.

Shay slips the sunglasses off her head and they head to the kitchen and start to sort through the breakfast that Shay brought.

"Why did we think it was a good idea to do shots last night?" Shay asks in agony and Gabby chuckles softly, though she is feeling the same pain.

"_You_ decided that we needed to celebrate me 'not being a dirty mistress anymore'." Gabby sends her a playful glare and Shay winces and throws her an apologetic look. "So we celebrated with tequila shots… 5 times if I recall."

"Never doing that again." She scowls softly.

Gabby hums in agreeance and steps into the bathroom, popping a couple ibuprofen before returning to the kitchen and offering a few to Shay who takes them gratefully.

After a while of eating in silence and sucking down a pot of coffee Shay smirks softly. "So, by your lovely appearance and the lack of boy in your apartment I'm taking it neither you nor lover boy caved on this slow crap that you've got going on."

She laughs softly and shakes her head. "No, neither of us caved, not for a lack of trying. But it's probably a good thing. They only thing Casey would have gotten last night if he was in my bedroom was watching me puke…" Shay grimaces. "Exactly."

"You sure you're going to be ready for this date tonight?" Shay jokes.

"Well I've got you to get me prettied up, so yes." Gabby smiles sweetly and Shay shakes her head at her and laughs.

"We've got 7 hours now to make me look like I didn't wake up with a hangover from hell… Work your magic." Gabby says, swatting Shay on the butt as they head down the hall to her bedroom.

…Where they instead proceed to take a nap, than work the beauty magic.

_**So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do  
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do  
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do  
What are you waiting for?**_

"Do you have any idea where Casey is taking you tonight?" Shay asks as she finishes curling the back of Dawson's head. Both girls knew Gabby was more than capable of doing it herself, but Shay had offered and they were enjoying getting to do this together. With all the time they spent apart in college and Gabby hiding her relationship with Casey and not going on many dates, if any at all, they hadn't been able to be girly like this in years. It was nice to be able to experience these little things with each other again.

Dawson shakes her head. "I have no idea."

Shay nods, a smile filing her features as she turned the curling iron off after finishing Gabby's hair. "You two are too cute."

Gabby blushed and rolled her eyes in response as she checked herself over in the mirror. Her hair was curled and her makeup was done flawlessly. She wore black heels and her favorite little black dress with a deep neckline and slits in the sides that showed off her caramel skin.

"Casey's going to die when he see you in that dress." Shay commented. "You look hot."

Gabby laughed. "Thanks Shay."

A moment later the doorbell was ringing and they both jumped at the noise, Shay squealing in delight. Gabby gave her a frantic look, her nerves taking over and Shay rested her hands on her shoulders in comfort. "You'll be fine. I promise. You look amazing. Take a breath." She coached before sending her a grin. "I'll go let him in, then I'm gonna go. I expect details on shift tomorrow." She winked and then took off out of the bedroom and down the hall to the door.

Casey looked at her in confusion when she opened the door and she stepped out of the way to let him in. "Hey Shay?"

"Hey!" She chirped. "Gabs will be out in a minute. Have fun tonight! Use protection!" She called as she closed the door behind her and left Matt in the entry way shaking his head at her.

He turned around just as Gabby was heading his way and took an audible breath as he took her in. "You look… wow." He breathed out and watched the blush fill her cheeks as she stepped in front of him. "You're beautiful." He told her, leaning down to press a kiss to her cheek.

Taking him in she swallowed thickly. He had on black dress pants and a grey shirt with the buttons undone at the top. "You're not so bad yourself." She told him.

He pulled the flowers out that he had resting behind his back and handed them to her with a sly smile. "For you."

"They're beautiful, Matt… Thank you." She whispered, looking over her favorite flower, lilies, she was surprised he'd remembered, but so happy he did.

She placed a chaste kiss on his lips before turning to put the flowers in some water and he was ushering her out the door a few minutes later. Knowing if they hung around her apartment any more they wouldn't be leaving at all.

When he opened the door for her and she gave him a coy smile he took a breath before walking around to the driver side. She was already driving him crazy.

He had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

_**Fading in, fading out  
On the edge of paradise  
Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find  
Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire  
Yeah, I'll let you set the pace  
'Cause I'm not thinking straight  
My head's spinning around I can't see clear no more  
What are you waiting for?**_

They settled in to a small, intimate, Dominican restaurant. One that Gabby had told Matt about months ago. She'd never gone before, but always wanted to check it out and Matt had known from the first talk about going on this date that it would be where he would take her.

After they'd sat and ordered their food and had the waiter bring them some wine they both got comfortable and Gabby smiled over at Matt. "I can't believe you remembered." She said softly.

He raised an eyebrow at her in question as he took a sip of his wine.

"Matt, I told you about this place forever ago."

He nodded. "You did."

She shook her head at him a smile playing at her lips. "You're something else Mr. Casey." She said coyly, but he could hear the sentiment in her voice. "Remembering my favorite flowers and this place… might have to keep you around." She ended, joking lightly.

He chuckled before replying sincerely, his voice softening as he stared her down, her beauty and the happiness that radiated off of her captivating him. "I remember a lot of things, Gabs."

She took an audible breath at the tone of his voice, soft and sincere and gruff all in one.

Oh, would she definitely be keeping him around.

They finished their meals while keeping up their conversation and flirty banter and an hour later were shuffling back into Matt's truck. He was happy when she didn't question him on where they were going next and instead settled back into the seat and flipped the radio on, letting the soft music float through the air.

When they sat at a red light in silence Matt grabbed her hand taking it in his and bringing it to his lips. Her head lulled to the side and she sent him a bright smile that he returned before they were taking off again when the light turned green.

They pulled up to their destination 10 minutes later and Matt found a parking spot before turning the truck off and running around to get Gabby's door.

Gabby looked at Matt curiously as they entered the building. A moment later they were being greeted with loud salsa music and her eyes widened, a laugh leaving her throat as she took in their surroundings. "Matt, what are we doing here?" She laughed. Taking in the bar, the people dancing out on the floor and the crowd of people around a few tables, drinking and eating.

Matt smiled brightly, bring her closer to him so she could hear him better. "You always talked about that the trip you took with your parents to the Dominican Republic. The clubs you went to with your cousins and all the dancing you did. This may not be the real deal, but it's as close as I could get." He remembered vividly the excitement on Gabby's face after that trip with her family. She couldn't stop talking about the culture that the place held that she had missed out on while living in the city. It had been great for her to go there and be with her family. Her cousins had taken her out almost every night and when she returned home she couldn't stop raving to Matt about all the dancing that she had done in the Dominican clubs. That had been over 6 years ago.

Gabby's smiled widened. "I told you I remembered a lot, Gabs." He says softly and she moves closer to him. Leaning into him and claiming his lips as hers before pulling away and beaming up at him. "I love you."

He grinned. "I love you, too."

"C'mon." Gabby says, tugging on his hand and pulling him with her. "Show me what you got." She jokes.

They spent the rest of the night dancing and laughing. Matt impressing and surprising Gabby with the moves that he had. They sipped on a few drinks, minding the fact that he had to drive them home.

A slower song came on and Matt pulled her close, her body flush against his as they swayed to the music. "You proved me wrong." Gabby said quietly after a few minutes of silence.

Matt raised his brow. "How so?"

"I teased you that you didn't know how to take a girl on a date…" He laughed at her words remembering her challenging tone in his office a few days ago. "I was definitely wrong… This has been one of the best nights of my life. Thank you, Matt."

He smiled softly, happy from her words and her gentle tone. "I'm glad I proved you wrong then." He whispered. The double meaning clear in his voice. He may have proven her wrong about the date, but it was also clear he'd proved her wrong about her insecurities about this relationship. He'd proven her wrong about choosing her. He'd proven her wrong about her doubts of him.

She took a deep breath and nodded her head.

"Me too…"

_**Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (like you do)  
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do  
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do  
What are you waiting for?**_

2 weeks later Shay was stepping into the locker room at 51 and greeting a grumpy looking Gabby.

"Hey girl." Shay called as she came into the locker room, setting her bag on the bench as she opened up her locker.

"Hey." Came Gabby's unenthusiastic reply.

Shay raised a brow as she changed into her work clothes. "What's your deal?"

Gabby sighed before shaking her head. "Nothing. It's nothing."

They continued changing out and Shay watched Gabby closely as she threw her hair up, looking stressed and frustrated. "You're still not getting laid are you?" Shay finally commented causing Gabby to whirl around, her mouth wide open ready to object before she sighed and sent a scowl at her friend.

"Shut up." She grumbled before turning back to the mirror and fixing her ponytail.

Shay snickered. "Would you just talk to him already? You two are terrible about hiding your feelings."

Gabby sighed, taking a seat on the bench. "That's just it, we aren't really hiding our feelings. I mean we've seen each other on shift and we've hung out a couple times off shift when neither of us have been busy… We just haven't talked about taking the next step."

It was true, they had seen each other a few times off shift in the two weeks after their date. The date that ended with Gabby being dropped off at her own apartment with a kiss goodnight… and just a kiss goodnight. Clearly, Matt had taken her request of taking it slow to heart and was not going to push her. She was happy, thankful for him being so understanding… but as much as she wanted slow, she was really starting to hate it.

"Gabby, you decided to take things slow over two weeks ago and have wanted to jump him since before the words were even leaving your mouth. With a the flirting you two have going on and the sexual tension how have you not talked about taking the next step?"

She shrugged. "I don't know! We just avoid it, I guess."

"You guys kills me." Shay groaned as they both finished getting ready for shift and shut their lockers to head out. "All I'm saying is you love the guy, you waited forever to be together, just go for it, what have you got to lose? And between you and me, how long has it been for you?" Shay asked quietly, watching the blush that filled Dawson's cheeks as they headed into the hall.

"Four months." She said timidly.

"Four months!?" She exclaimed earning a glare from the brunette.

"Shut up! We haven't since that night that you showed up at my place." She said sheepishly.

"My God, girl. How are you coping?" She joked.

"I'm not." Gabby laughed.

"Ah, speak of the devil and he will appear." Shay joked softly as Casey stepped out of his office, following them to the common room. "Hey Casey."

"Shay." He greeted before his eyes focused on Gabby. "Hey."

"Hey." She smiled.

Shay snorted softly with laughter. "You two are the cutest." Earning her a shove from Gabby as they all laughed, entering the common room and stopping dead in their tracks.

Hallie standing in the middle of the room staring back at them.

_**I'll let you set the pace  
'Cause I'm not thinking straight  
My head's spinning around I can't see clear no more  
What are you waiting for?**_

"Well if it isn't my soon to be ex-husband and his girlfriend. I see you don't waste time."

Matt sighed, bowing his head as he looked around at the confused members of 51 that were in the common room as well.

"Hallie..." He tried softly, trying to defuse the situation before it could escalate, especially here of all places. "What are you doing here?"

"Came to give you these." She said, taking a step towards him and handing him the large envelope in her hand. He gave her a look before flipping open the top and pulling them out. The legal documents staring back at him.

The divorce papers were finally here. He knew they could be arriving at any time, but he hadn't talked to Hallie since he'd returned to Chicago. He had no idea why she was here, and wouldn't just send the paper with their lawyer. They hadn't ended things on good terms, that last thing he wanted was to hash more things out with an audience.

Matt stares at the papers for a moment before watching Hallie as she stood in front of him. She was glaring at Gabby who was stood just a few steps behind him, Shay still at her side as they watched the scene in front of them, not sure of whether to join the guys at the table who were watching on curiously or turn around and walk away. So, instead Gabby stood stiff as a post, not sure what to do or say.

Matt cleared his throat, bringing Hallie's glare back to him. "Thanks, I'll get these back to you." He said, trying to get his soon to be ex-wife to leave as quickly as possible.

"No rush. It's not like our marriage got in your way before, don't let it stop you now." She said icily.

He raised a brow, sending her a glare as his jaw clenched. "You're one to talk…"

Hallie faltered for a moment before looking around at the confused and shocked faces around them. The majority of the members of the firehouse were staring on at them with unreadable expressions, none of them knowing what was going on. The only information Casey had given after returning from his 2 month leave was that he and Hallie were divorcing. Nothing else had been explained. There had been no reasoning for it. They hadn't seen Hallie since before Matt's accident and they were all just led to believe they had typical married problems that lead to divorce. Now they were all confused.

Hallie notices all the looks before realizations sets in and she looks between Matt and Gabby. Gabby's head down, trying to avoid her eyes and all the questioning eyes of the guys. Matt staring at her with a glare, wanting her to leave. "They don't know…" She says, and Matt's eyes look at her in question. Gabby, having already realized what Hallie was asking, snapped her eyes up to meet hers.

"They don't know… You never told them the truth." She states and realization hits Matt.

He looks at her pleadingly, shaking his head. "Hallie, don't." He seethes.

"Look at you, protecting her again!" Hallie yells, pointing an accusing finger at Gabby and watching as all eyes fell on her. Realizations setting in for them all.

"Hallie, leave." Matt says hotly. The last place he wants to do this is at his work. The last way he wanted all of him and Gabby's 'family' to find out was like this. He seen the look on Gabby's face. The shame, the guilt. If he wasn't so angry with Hallie he's sure his face might hold the same. But right now he's too mad. Mad at Hallie for being here, for saying anything, for causing a scene, for acting like she's done no wrong.

"Why, Matt? Wouldn't want anyone to know about you and the whore! You hid it for so long…"

"Hallie! Go!" Matt yelled cutting her off, his voice echoing off the walls and stunning her. Everyone else looking on with mouths agape.

Hallie shook her head. Looking back and forth between Matt and Gabby before walking away. Stopping briefly by Gabby, ready to say something, only to stop and shake her head once again, glaring at the brunette before walking away. Leaving a confused and shaken firehouse in her wake.

Hermann was the first one to speak up, his eyes filtering from Gabby to Matt and back again before he pointed a finger. "Wait, so you two?" He asked, confusion lacing his rough voice.

Matt shook his head, "Hermann…" He trailed off. He had no idea what to do or say from here. Sure this was their family, but he'd never been very open about his personal life with many of them. Severide and Hermann were really the only two he had talked to about a lot of things. Hermann had been the person who had checked in on him a lot the past couple years, the past couple of months especially. Being a married man himself, he had been there for Casey. Always checking in to see how he was doing. He'd confided in Hermann many a times about him and Hallie's troubles, though he'd never once mentioned Gabby and his affair. Always steering clear of that topic.

Otis, always the curious one, finally raised his arms in exasperation. Asking the question that everyone had on the tip of their tongue but had yet to ask. "What is going on?"

Cruz quickly interjected. "Yeah, what was Hallie talking about?"

Dawson and Casey shared a look, both of them at a loss for words. Just like most things of their relationship, they'd never talked about what would happen if people found out. They'd never talked about how they'd tell the people important to them.

_**Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (like you do)  
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (yeah)  
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do  
What are you waiting for?**_

Sitting at the table he looks over the papers that are glaring back at him. Papers that are a reminder of his failed marriage. Papers that are a reminder of the mistakes he's made, the things he has put both Gabby and Hallie through. It's a reminder of all the time he wasted with the wrong woman, all the lies he told himself. But it's also a reminder of what was to come. It was a new beginning just as much as it was an end. It was the start of something new. It was the start of something amazing.

"Matt?" He hears Gabby call out and then the door closing behind her. He knew she'd be stopping by and had told her to just walk in.

"In here." He calls from the kitchen. Gabby steps into the room somewhat attentively and sends him a gentle smile.

"Hey."

"Hey you." He greets back. Her presence making him feel a million times better after the stressful shift they just ended a few hours ago. Between Hallie's visit and the numerous calls they had had, it was nice to be home, and it was nice to have Gabby in his home.

Some of the guys had accepted the news with open arms, happy for the couple, others had been more on the fence. Not sure what to say to the two of them. They'd only told them about the last year of their relationship. They hadn't given details, only told them that they had been together, and that they were together now. It was all they information either of them had wanted to give. In all honesty it wasn't anyone else's business what had happened between them in the past, and had Hallie not dropped the bomb herself, they may have never told the guys about their affair. Neither was proud of it, it wasn't something they wanted to discuss with people, but knew there would probably be more questions along the way. The members of 51 hadn't been able to ask many questions or state much of an opinion about the new found couple given how busy they had been that shift, but they were sure more questions would arise in the coming shifts from their curious house members.

"Whatcha doing?" Gabby asked, spotting him hunched over a stack of papers.

Matt sighed softly lifting the papers and showing them too her. "Divorce papers." Gabby only nodded, not sure what to say. "What are you up too?" He questioned, feeling a topic change was needed after her change in mood.

"Oh you know. Hiding away, hoping to not run into any one I may know now that words out that I'm a 'whore'." Gabby replied, only half joking, sending Matt a sarcastic smile.

He knew there was a slightly teasing tone to her voice, but he could still hear the truth behind her words. He knew she'd been a little upset, mostly with herself and the situation, ever since Hallie showed up. Despite their wrong doings, Gabby was a good person, and having the person you betrayed staring back at you can rattle a person and he knew Hallie's words had rattle Gabby, had made her feel the shame and guilt she'd tried to let go of since he'd left Hallie. Tried letting go of so they could move on together.

He sighed. "Gabs, I…"

She cut him off, shrugging to downplay the situation. "It's fine, really… Karma, ya know? It's a bitch."

Matt couldn't help but chuckle at her words and just how true they were. Their whole relationship was kind of one cruel case of karma. They get happy about a pregnancy, they lose the baby. Matt decides to leave his wife, he almost dies in an apartment fire. The list could go on, but the two major cases of karma were big enough that nothing else needed further explaining.

"It is, indeed." He agrees as Gabby jumps up onto the counter across from him where he still sat at his kitchen table, the papers that sat on the table between them a reminder of the how they got here.

After a few minutes of silence Gabby finally speaks. "I'm scared." She says softly, barely meeting his eyes before avoiding them.

He looks at her confused. "Of what?"

"The future." She shrugs, biting her lips nervously. "I don't know what's going to happen, Matt…" She trails off. He stares at her as he tries to form a coherent thought to ease her worries.

"That's why they call it the future, Gabs…" He says reassuringly. "All I know is that you and I are going to face it together."

She smiles softly, eased by his words before shaking her head a moment later, sighing in exasperation at her own fears. "Matt, we're like a ticking time bomb… The last few times you have said you were going to leave Hallie life has taken a cruel twist and ruined those plans…" She sighs, trying to find the words that were really on her mind. The fear that she hadn't let go of for months now, a fear that she hadn't even confessed to Shay.

"Matt, the last time you said you were going to leave Hallie… The last time we tried to be together was a few months ago. You said you'd leave her and a few hours later you were laying in a hospital bed in a coma…" She says softly, the tears welling in her eyes. Matt stands from his spot, coming to stand in front of her, confused as to what she was saying.

"Gabs, that wasn't your fault… You know that."

She sighs, nodding, she did know that. "I just, I don't know if I can get through another catastrophe right now. I'm not strong enough to deal with another coma, or miscarriage, or whatever else life decides to throw our way for being terrible people… I can't…"

"Gabby." He intervenes, letting his hands rest on her shoulders and forcing her to look at him. "Life sucks." He says simply, earning a chuckle from her, his goal accomplished as he gives her a lazy smile. "I'm not going anywhere. You are not going anywhere. There will be no more comas, or miscarriages, or running away and leaving for extended periods of time. No more hiding how we are feeling, no more significant others. This is the real deal Gabs, you have nothing to worry about. And if life decides to throw something our way we will face it together… I can promise you that, okay? I'm yours, I'm not going anywhere, and I hope you aren't either. I don't care how many times I have to convince you this or how many times I have to tell you I love you before you believe it. Because I do Gabs, I love you." He tells her sincerely, putting all of her worries, all of her fears, at bay.

She smiles softly, nodding her head before bringing her bottom lip in between her teeth. An idea coming to her mind as she spots the papers that lay on his kitchen table. "Did you sign the papers?" She questions softly, slightly worried about his answer.

He looks at her in confusion, looking back at the papers that lay on table before meeting her eyes once again. "Yeah, why?" He'd finished them right before she showed up.

She pulls him closer at those words. This was really happening. He was divorcing his wife, as if she needed further proof. The signed papers were enough to erase her remaining fears. A smile falling on her lips as she looked up at him from where he stood in-between her legs, confusion still written over his features as she sat on the counter.

"Kiss me." She tells him softly and he complies, a smile playing at his lips now. When the kiss turns deeper and they start to fight for dominance he pulls away regrettably, resting his forehead on hers.

"I thought you wanted to wait?" He asked softly, not wanting to push her, as much as it killed him to stop. He'd been trying to abide by her wishes, and it killed him a little more every day. Her next words had his heart skipping at the excitement that washed over him when she sent him a coy smile.

"I think we waited long enough."

_**Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (like you do)  
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (oh)  
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do  
What are you waiting for?**_

**Wooh! Another finished chapter. It's taking me longer to write lately, and I'm not too sure about this one. I feel like it's not as good as the rest. I hope you all enjoyed it anyways. **

**I'll dive into the 51 feeling a bit more next chapter.**

**Important question for you all… Do you want the continuation of that last scene and a little M in the next chapter, or would prefer for me to keep this T rated? **

**AND another question for you all. I'm going to be doing a chapter that has almost all flashbacks just to fill in some random blanks and I have a song that I really want to use for it. I have a few ideas, but I'm up for suggestions. Is there anything you specifically want to see or any blanks that you want me to fill in better? Let me know and I will try to include them. **

**Thanks for being patient with me. I hope these chapters are worth the wait and I hope you'll leave me a review to let me know what you thought!**

**Review : )**

**xXx**


	14. You've Got What I Need

**A/N: Let me just start off by saying that I am so, so, so, so sorry for the wait on this. My life has been crazy for the past few months and I'm finally settling down and catching my bearings. I've had some intense writers block and am slowly working my way out of it. I'm not promising updates anytime soon, but I do promise that even if it is taking me awhile, I am working on my stories. It's been a slow process, but this chapter is FINALLY finished. **

**As requested by the majority (forever ago) this chapter is very much **_**M RATED**_**. **

**Hope you enjoy and please leave me a review and let me know if you're still interested!**

_I own nothing, but my own imagination…_

Chapter 14: You Got What I Need  
Joshua Radin

_**Baby you, you got what I need  
Baby you, you got my sunshine  
Baby you, you got what I need  
Baby you, you got my sunshine**_

"_I think we waited long enough."_

Those six words were all it took for the dam to break. Both of them sinking into a kiss that quickly turned into a battle for dominance. Matt's hands curling around Gabby's waist as he stood between her legs and her arms wrapped around his neck, holding him close and running her hands through his dark blonde hair.

It's not long before his hands are slipping from her waist to slide under her bottom and pick her up in one swift motion, her legs instantly wrapping around his waist and a noise of surprise leaving her lips as her arms locked tighter around his shoulders to hold herself up.

Pulling away they share a brief smile before their lips are locked again, her tongue tracing his bottom lip and easily earning access. Matt leads them down the hall to his bedroom as Gabby moves her lips to his neck, teasing him in a way that was making navigating them both to the room more and more difficult.

"Gabby…" He sighs out, practically running into the doorway to his bedroom when her mouth finds the spot only she had ever discovered behind his ear. He feels her smirk against his skin and once he reaches the end of the bed he sets her down gently, her feet hitting the floor and making her a few inches shorter than him.

He takes the time to really take her in. The smile on her pink lips and the glow to her caramel skin. The brightness in her brown eyes and the beautiful dark curls that framed her face as she looked up at him. He'd never seen her looks so relaxed and carefree before. Reaching up he tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear before letting his hand linger on her cheek, watching as she leaned into the touch, her eyes closing briefly at the contact. He takes a moment to take it all in and to slow down his erratic heartbeat she'd caused him from their making out. Leaning down he captures her lips in a tender kiss.

"I love you, so much, Gabs."

"I love you too, Matt." She breathes out as they pull away. Their eyes meeting as they share a soft smile, a smile that was only ever reserved for the other.

He pulls her too him once again, pushing her jacket off her shoulders and letting it fall to the ground before picking her up once again and dropping her onto the bed playfully, her laughter echoing off the walls and making his heart beat faster as he jumps on top of her meeting her lips in a hungry kiss. Her hands make their way to the hem of his shirt and before he can form a thought she is pulling the article from his body and throwing it to the side carelessly as her hands roam the newfound skin that she had missed. Loving the feel of his muscles tightening under her touch.

They take their time. Getting to know the other once again. It'd only been a few months, yet everything was so different. They'd done this so many times before, yet they both knew, this time, would be different than any other time. This wasn't an affair, there were no secrets. No holding back. No guilt when the words of 'I love you' were spoken. No rushing away afterward. This was their time and they intended on making it worth the others while.

His lips move from hers to her neck, trailing kisses from the spot behind her ear down her shoulder and back again. Her back arching and her head falling back into the pillows as his name leaves her lips in a breathy moan, he slips his hand behind her back flicking the clasp of her black bra. Pulling it from her body and carelessly throwing it behind them on the bed hearing the light thud it made as it hit the floor, joining the pile of clothing already there.

Matt looks down at her lovingly, the rise and fall of her now bare chest, the flush to her perfect caramel skin, the beginning of red marks on her neck and shoulders, her dark curls framing her face, the swell of her lips, and the lustful and loving look in her eyes as she stares back at him. His heart swells at the sight of her. She was everything he ever wanted, and she was finally his.

Smirking softly he shakes his head. "You are so damn beautiful, Gabriella…" He says softly claiming her lips as his a moment later and feeling her smile against him.

Her hands trail down his chest and find the button to his jeans then the zipper and she is quickly pushing them down his legs, letting him kick them off the rest of the way. Her hands moving around to his back taking in every muscle, muscles that she loved, that turned her on completely. She's too distracted by the feel of his lips against hers and her hands on his back that she barely realizing that he has already popped the button of her jeans and begins to pull them down her tan toned legs smirking at the sight of the black matching thong that he knew would be there after pulling her bra off.

It was a little thing he loved about Gabby. She always had matching panty sets that he found incredibly sexy, and damn did she wear them well.

He's barely crawled his way back up her body and laid his lips on hers when she is rolling them over with all the strength she has. He looks up at her dumbfounded for a moment and the sexy smirk she sends his way has his breath hitching and pulling her down to him, his lips crashing against hers desperately. When she rocks her hips into his already hard member he groans her name out loud. "Gabby…" She wasn't playing fair and the look on her face as she meets his eyes before moving to the skin of his neck lets him know that she knows it.

She continues the maddening pace of the slow rocking against his hips as she continues the assault on his body. Her lips attacking every inch of skin she can find from his lips to his neck to his chest and abs. She was claiming it all as her own. Not bothering to care about the marks that she was surely leaving, not that he minded, it felt amazing. He knew she was trying to torture him with her slow rocking movements, definitely feeling the affect she was having on him against her thigh he was sure. But it was clear she was working herself up just as much as she was him by the fever of her kisses against him and the heat he could feel through her thin panties.

She finds one of his particularly favorite spots on his shoulder and he is moaning her name out into the otherwise silent house. "Gabby… baby…" He feels her smile against his skin and just when he is ready to gain the upper hand she is shuffling down his body and pulling his boxers down his legs, dropping them at the end of the bed only to return second later where her hands find his desperately hard member and pump him a couple times, before taking him into her mouth a moment later.

His head falls back into the pillows and any previous thoughts he'd had of gaining the upper hand were erased from his mind as her velvet tongue swirls around his tip before taking him fully into her mouth once again. His hands find her hair, tangling in the long locks as his moans fill the room. She absolutely amazing at this, and she knew it. She used it to her advantage.

He knows if she continues he won't last much longer at all, it'd been far too long since they'd been together, and this time was special, he definitely didn't want it ending this way. He pulls lightly on her hair her eyes meeting his, his rock hard member still in her mouth and he can't stop the groan that leaves his lips, as if she wasn't making him having to pull her away hard enough the sexy look in her eyes was enough to make him let go on the spot.

"Not like this baby, I want to be with you…" He explains and she making her way back up his body once again leaving a trail of open mouth kisses in her wake. When her lips reach his he kisses her with everything he has. His tongue slipping into her mouth and his arms wrapping around her back pulling her flush against him. He rolls them over, hovering above her and not letting his lips leave hers. His hands move from palming her breasts to slipping into her panties running a finger along her wet heat. "Matt, baby, please…" She pleads softly, not being able to take the teasing, she could feel the heat pooling in her stomach as it had been since they started this dance, the feeling was becoming unbearable.

His lips attach to her pert nipple and she gasps at the contact, her head falling back into the pillow as he enters his index finger into her, a moan leaving her lips. His thumb coming to tease her bundle of nerves while he slips another finger into her, his hand moving at lightening pace as his lips attach to her other nipple she withers beneath him, far more pleasure than she could handle taking over her body. "Matt, oh, matt, baby..." She cries out her orgasm ripping through her within seconds.

He kisses her softly, letting her calm down, her breaths coming out sporadically as she looks up at him with a satisfied stare. "You're amazing." She mumbles, her hands running through his hair and onto the stubble of his chin, pulling him to her and kissing him gently.

_**When I see you it's a beautiful world  
But when you're gone, I want you in my arms  
I'm telling you the last time**_

He hums against her lips before pulling away and kissing her cheek and giving her a soft smile. He pulls her panties down her legs, letting them fall to the pile of clothes. Trailing a few kisses along her stomach and chest he rests between her legs brushing the crazy curls away from her damp forehead.

He kisses her button nose, both cheeks and then claims her lips in his with a loving kiss. Looking down at her he gives her a questioning look. "You sure?" He questions softly. He knows they've done this before. It was far from their first time, and she had yet to object to anything else they'd done, but he couldn't help but ask. The last thing he wanted to do was pressure her into something. And this, this was big. This wasn't just sex and they both knew it. Though it really had never been just sex to either of them before, it'll always been more, they'd never admitted that to the other. Always burring the feelings away.

She nods, her arm wrapping around his back while the other comes to rest on his cheek, her legs locking lightly around his waist. She knew it was a loaded question. This was more than just asking if she wanted to have sex, this was asking her if she wanted to make love, if she was sure about this, about them. This was the first time they'd been intimate in months, and it wasn't lost on her how big of deal this all really was. But she was sure, she was sure that Matt was her one.

"I've never been more sure of something in my life, Matt," She whispers, the words ones he'd needed to hear. He sighs softly, a smile gracing his lips in relief for many reasons and she is pulling him into a gentle kiss as he slips inside of her, both of them gasping at the contact as they adjust to the others body once again after months apart.

Matt pulls almost completely out of her before pushing against her once again, loving the soft moans that leave her lips as they start a slow pace, their hips rocking gently together, just enough to drive each other crazy but not near fast enough to bring either of them over the edge. Kissing him long and loving Gabby grips at his back pulling him closer and letting him sink deeper into her. "God, I love you, Matt…" She whispers against his lips.

She feels his smile against her lips as his hands grip her hips tightly his lips move to the shell of her ear placing a kiss there before whispering back, "I love you too, Gabriella." She shivers at his words, there was always something about the way her full name rolled off his tongue that drove her absolutely wild, her arms clutching his back tighter as her legs locked around his waist, pulling him closer, moving her hips to meet his thrust for thrust, their speed building.

"Oh, Gabby, baby…" He moans his hips rocking harder and deeper into hers, both of them trying to bring the other to their release. He flips them over, knowing how much Gabby loved being on top and he knows he hasn't disappointed when she lifts herself almost completely off of him before slamming back down. Her hips rocking maddeningly as his hands cup her bottom supporting her movement.

"Oh, Matt, oh…" Her head lulls as she rests her hands on his shoulders for support. He sits up quickly, wrapping her legs around his waist, the new angle having them both yelping the others name as they move together frantically moving a hand in between them to move against her Gabby's eyes slipped close, the coil in her tightening unbearable. It's only moments later that her head is falling onto his shoulder as she moans his name, her second orgasm ripping through her feeling her tighten around him, her toes curling against his back is all it takes for Matt's own orgasm to rip through him, both of them riding out their undoing together. Gabby limps against him, her head resting in the crook of his neck as they try to calm their erratic heartbeat.

Matt falls back into the bed, pulling her with him as his head hits the pillows he holds Gabby close running a mindless pattern against her back. She pulls the sheet around them, both of them utterly exhausted even though it was only late afternoon. "That was…" She mumbles, not even being able to finish her sentence. He chuckles softly. "Wow…" He finishes her thought with his own, feeling her nod against his chest. "Yeah." She agrees, sleep ready to overtake them both.

He wraps his arms around her tighter kissing her forehead. "I love you," he whispers, never tiring of saying those words now that they were able to be spoken so freely.

He feels her smile against his chest, a slight nod of her head. "I love you, Matt." Her sleepy voice answers and it's not long before they are both drifting off.

_**Baby you, you got what I need  
Baby you, you got my sunshine  
Every night I notice you're all alone  
Wonder you might  
Let me love you I'm on fire  
Can't you feel my desire  
I want to take you higher**_

When she wakes up a few hours later she can see the sun is just finishing setting, darkness beginning to cover the streets outside the window. She shivers from the cool air surrounding her and pulls the covers around her tighter before snuggling closer into the warm chest she was laid against breathing him in and sighing contently. Her body was euphorically achy, but just the few hours of sleep were the best she'd had in months. She's knows it's late, but she doesn't mind, she snuggles closer to him fully intent on going back to sleep.

That is until she feels arms wrap tighter around her bringing her even closer to him, a sigh leaving his lips and a kiss being planted against the top of her head. She reciprocates by placing a kiss against his toned chest. His hand runs a comforting pattern up and down her spine while his other hand cradles the back of her neck, holding her to his chest, their legs tangled together as they lay on their sides tucked together in the warm sheets.

He hums and his lips make contact with her head once again before he speaks. "You okay?" He questions softly. The vulnerability slipping into his voice as he checks in with her, needing to know that she wasn't regretting anything. He'd hurt her enough in the past, he'd promised himself he wouldn't do it again and he intended on keeping that promise for the rest of his life. She nods before placing another kiss on his chest. "I've never been more okay." She whispers happily. "I'm perfect." Looking up at him her chin rests against his chest and her hand cups his cheeks as she meets his eyes a smile playing on her lips before she presses them to his long and lovingly.

He grins back at her as they pull away. _How was it possible to be this insanely happy?_

For the longest time, they both had to wonder whether or not this would ever be possible for them. Had to wonder whether or not they would ever get to this point, this happy, this content, this in love. Now that they were there, it was more than either could ever imagine.

Gabby tucked herself back into his side her head resting against his chest, the up and down motion lulling her back to sleep. That was until Matt let out a huff as he looked at the clock. "It's only 8," He complained.

"Only?" She mumbled back without moving or opening an eye.

He huffed lightly and was silent for a few minutes and she thought maybe he'd fallen back asleep until she heard him speaking again. "I'm hungry." He whined and she rolled away from him onto her other side snuggling into the bed as she grumbled back. "Go eat."

She felt him slide up behind her once again, arms wrapping around her waist as he pulled her against him, his lips finding her shoulder. "How are you not hungry? We've been… busy, all afternoon." He husked sending shivers down her body.

"I never said I wasn't hungry, sleep is just much more appealing than food."

His lips trailed a pattern up and down her shoulder distracting her from the sleep she was trying to get back to. "I can think of something much more appealing than both food and sleep."

"And what would that be?" She asked breathily, his advances finally weakening her defenses. Before he could answer her stomach grumbled loudly and he smirked, kissing her cheek before whispering in her ear. "I'll show you later." And hopping over her out of the bed.

"I'm ordering pizza!" He called over his shoulder as he headed to the bathroom. Gabby watching his gloriously nude retreating form.

"No mushrooms!" She called after him rolling onto her back and sighing happily at just how easy it was for them to fall into these rolls.

_**It's the simplest thing,  
Always so hard to see  
I want to be  
The one and only making you feel love  
Oh, darling, I need love  
It's all I can dream of**_

"You know, I was wrong… food is much more appealing than sleep." She giggled taking another bite of the pizza in her hand. His laughter joined in with her own as he nodded in agreement. "I told you."

The pizza had been delivered quickly and 30 minutes later they both lay sprawled out on the bed. Gabby perched against pillows on the headboard and Matt across from her with his arm tucked under his head, the half empty pizza box laid out between them and wine glasses set on the bedside table.

"This might be the best pizza I've ever had." She comments, taking another bite and closing her eyes in delight as she savors it. Matt laughs at her antics, but by the glint in his eyes she knows he is about to make a cheesy comment. It just wouldn't be normal if he didn't. She quickly learned Matt was the biggest cheeseball she'd ever met. She would never complain though, it was one of the many things she loved about him. His cheesy remarks were always endearing and kept her laughing. Getting to playfully tease him and kiss his pout away after she'd teased him was also an upside.

Wiggling his eyebrows at her, "This is definitely the best view I've ever gotten while eating pizza." He remarks and she pulls the sheet tighter around her and sends him a playful glare. "Watch it Mister." Though, she can't say he's wrong in that comment as she looks over his nearly bare form, the boxers that rest low on his hips the only article of clothing covering his body as she lay wrapped up in his sheets.

It amazes her just how easy it is to just be with him. To just _be_ without any reservations.

It's been years in the making and they are finally here. They are finally getting everything they ever wanted and it's both liberating and terrifying all in one. She is well aware they aren't completely out of the woods and that there will be some complications in the future. Explaining this situation to their families being one of them. Her brother knows who Matt is, knows he was married to Hallie, and will obviously have questions. Matt's sister and mother also will need to be brought into the loop and she is dreading all these conversations already. She's also still worrying about the backlash of their 51 family. There were so many other pe

ople that they never took into consideration that would be affected when they finally told the truth. So many people that they would have to explain things too. It's all a bit overwhelming if she is being honest with herself.

For now, though, she has Matt, happy, beautiful, amazing Matt. He is hers and she is his and that is all that she wants to focus on right now, the real world can wait.

For the first time in years, she is the happiest she has ever been. She is finally getting everything she has ever wanted and she won't let anything ruin this, not again, not ever.

"I love you." She finds herself blurting out. It's only after the words have left her mouth that she realizes that Matt was in the middle of a sentence that she had been too deep in thought to pay attention to. He stops at her words, though, a smile filling his features.

"I love you, too," He tells her, squeezing her calf lovingly.

It's a few moments of silence later before he catches the look in her eye, "What's on your mind, crazy girl?"

She picks at the sheets and averts her eyes, "I'm just, I'm really happy, with you… and I really don't want anything to ruin this."

He smirks gently before moving the pizza box to the floor and carefully crawling up the bed and resting on top of her.

"Do you have any idea just how amazing you are, Gabriella Dawson? Because you are, and I love you so much. I promise you, nothing is going to ruin this, ruin us. I won't let it."

Smiling softly, she replies, "I'm sorry you have to keep convincing me."

"Baby girl, if what you need is for me to remind you how much I love you every day, I am perfectly okay with that."

_**Baby you, you got what I need  
Baby you, you got my sunshine  
Baby you, you got what I need  
Baby you, you got my sunshine**_

When he wakes the next morning the bed is empty and he can hear the opening and closing of cupboards. Wiping the sleep out of his eyes he pulls sweatpants on and heads down the hall to the kitchen. He instantly spots Gabby in one of his shirts standing against the counter as she watches the coffee filter into the pot. Sneaking up behind her his arms wrap around her waist as his lips find her shoulder before resting his chin there. The content hum that leaves her lips as she relaxes back into him has a smile gracing his features. "Good morning."

"Morning baby."

"You're up early?" He comments as he pulls away and moves to the fridge to grab the coffee creamer as she grabs two mugs from the cupboard.

She's only been in his home a few times in the past few weeks, but it is so amazing to see her here. To see her so relaxed and comfortable. It's like she belongs here. They've fit into each other's lives so seamlessly and it makes him wonder if maybe it has just always been meant to be this way. This easy and this comfortable. If it wasn't completely crazy, he thinks maybe he'd ask her to move in with him right now. Hell if it wasn't completely crazy he'd be asking her to marry him right now, but he knows it's way too soon and that she'd probably call him insane. With all the insecurities she'd told him yesterday afternoon he knows he will do everything in his power to erase those feelings and make her feel secure in their relationship. He wants nothing more than to erase all her doubts and start over with her, to make sure she knows she can trust him.

She simply shrugs, "I've only been up a little while." She states as she passes him his coffee cup and he hands her the creamer. They sit in silence sipping their coffees for a moment before he is stepping in front of her and resting a hand on her hip to pull her close. "So I was thinking…"

"Uh oh." She teases and he can't help but roll his eyes before continuing. "What if we headed to our coffee shop for breakfast this morning?"

She smiles appreciatively before standing on her toes to plant a kiss on his lips. "I think that is one of your best ideas yet," She comments before slipping from his arms and heading down the hall to change.

They walk into the coffee shop hand and hand a half hour later and are pleased when their normal booth is open and they spot their favorite waitress behind the counter. They have just taken their seats when Sam is sliding up to their table with their usual drinks already in hand.

"Well, well, well, it's been awhile since my favorite customers stopped in to see me." She jokes placing their drinks in front of them. "Just coffee today or are we staying for breakfast."

Gabby can practically feel Matt's stomach grumbling from across the table as he quickly answers. "Definitely breakfast."

She rolls her eyes at his eagerness as he puts his order in before even looking at the menu and she tells Sam she will have the same and laughs at the look of accomplishment that crosses his features. She almost always ordered the same as he did otherwise she would spend the next 15 minutes undecided.

Sam only shakes her head with a knowing smirk as she watches the two before heading to put the order in. She'd been waiting for them for almost 2 years now. She was never sure what the relationship status between them was, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to see the looks the two of them shared were much more than just friends.

She'd been rooting for them since day one when they walked into the coffee shop with awkward looks and heated whispered conversations that slowly over the course of a couple weeks turned into loving looks and stolen touches. She never asked if they were together, it had always seemed complicated and she never wanted to make it awkward… but looking at them now, there was no question. There was nothing significantly different in their appearance, but the look in their eyes was different than any other look she'd witnessed. This was love, sure it had been there before, but this, this was pure unadulterated love.

Sam smiles to herself as she watches them, she isn't sure she will ever know their story, but whatever it is it is clear they've found their way to each other and she couldn't be happier to have witnessed it and been a part of this love story.

"So Ms. Dawson, what would you like to do with the rest of our day?" He asks with a smirk and a hint of sophistication in his voice.

She laughs, but can't help the way her heart swells as she looks at him, "I don't know, but as long as I'm with you I'll be happy."

The smile he gives her could have lit up the whole coffee shop. He teases her for her cheesiness though he knows her words are true.

The spend the next two hours in that coffee shop sipping coffee, eating their breakfast, laughing, and getting to be the happiest and most comfortable they'd ever been together. This was the start of the new beginning that they had waited so long for and neither could contain the happiness they felt.

And this time, unlike all the time before in this coffee shop, the footsie they play under the table was no longer frowned upon but welcomed completely…

_**You got my sunshine**_

**I hope you enjoyed! **

**Please leave a review and let me know what you thought!**

**Thank you all for being so patient with me! **

**Review **

**XxXx**


End file.
